I thought he was dead?

by SonDog

I know, I can't believe it either. The world's biggest puddy-whipped professional basketball player has signed a 10-day contract with the Los Angeles Clippers. Yup, Doug Christie is back. Of course that means that Jackie Christie, the worlds most over-bearing and hyper-protective wife is back as well.

If you want an idea of how insane Jackie Christie is, go to www.dougchristie.com. It is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen.

Good luck, Doug.

"I Got a Family to Feed"

by SonDog

Ooooooooh the sweet, sweet irony. It appears Latrell Sprewell really does have a family to feed... just not a legitimate family, in the nuclear husband/wife sort of way. And it turns out that Spree has a bunch of kids. And... SURPRISE... they're not all born from the same woman! I wonder if they choke one another when they play H-O-R-S-E.

Spree and his dreads, in happier times.

Here are some interesting Spreewell facts:

• He lives on a yacht outside of Wisconscin. Which, somehow, makes all the sense in the world.


• He's being sued for $200 million palimony by a woman who is not his wife, yet was registered as his wife at the NBA corporate office.


• The pair had a "living arrangement." I have no idea if that is legal speak for "friends with benefits," but it sure sounds like it.


• He has tons of kids. Like, too many of them. This man should not breed.

Someone Smoked Too Much Pot in School

by the butler

"one 40-minute game at Duke, they got soft rims I’d probably score 84 or 85"

Let's take a brief trip down memory lane. Flashback....waaaaaay back to the year of our Lord 2001. Arizona vs. Duke in the NCAA Championship game. Yeah, Zero, if only you had the chance to play against Duke, huh? You'd drop 85, would you? Wouldn't even pass it...right? Well maybe if you had passed the ball in the '01 championship game you wouldn't have gone 4-17 from the floor. Maybe you wouldn't have been doubled up by Mike Dunleavy. Just maybe then you would have a ring like the three you saw on Coach K's fingers.

Sure, you would score 85 today against a college team, but hell, I could score 85 against a church leage team consisting of undersized 14-year-old kids. But you don't see me talking garbage about irrational hypothetical situations like that.

A Gift for BH

by SonDog

As we all know, BH is a HUGE fan of Tim McCarver. In fact, he also loves Joe Buck. And when the two come together? It's enough for him to blow a BuckCarvery load.

Anyways, I saw this on Family Guy the other night, and I thought of BH. McCarver actually states his point better in this clip than he does during most occasions.

If at first you don't succeed...

by the butler

If hindsight is always 20/20, then we should already know what's going to happen, right? I mean, we've actually been down this road before. It's not like the idea is new. "Hey, I know! Let's bring a world famous soccer player to America! That's what we need to boost the sport's popularity! Why haven't we ever thought of that?!?"

Apparently the MLS and the L.A Galaxy, even with the Information Superhighway at their ignorant little fingertips, can't learn from what happened about 25 years ago. ESPN even came out with a documentary about it just last summer, and it was actually quite good.

"I'll take the blonde..." "Good, 'cause I'll take anything"

What should we have learned? Well, you know how the rest of the world kinda-sorta thinks Americans are a little short in the intelligence department (no pun intended, but I'll take it)? The thing is, Americans at the time (and still today) just didn't feel the same way about the world's most popular sport as, well, the world...not that there's anything wrong with that. Can't really fault people for their preferences, but as a country we could not understand exactly how HUGE Pele was. We still don't. Back then in 1975 his 2-year $2.8 million contract with the Cosmos was just as shocking as Beckam's current potential $250 million deal. Hank Aaron was the highest paid baseball player in 1972, making $200,000 a year.

Comparing Beckham to Pele, though, is like comparing Oasis to the Beatles. Beckham is no doubt a star, but Pele was/is a god. Why does the best player on most professional soccer teams today wear the number 10? 'Cause Pele wore number 10. After the 1962 World Cup he was declared an "official national treasure" by the Brazillian government to prevent him from being lured by massive offers from European Clubs. In 1967, the two factions fighting in the Nigerian Civil War stopped for 48 hours so they could watch Pele play an exhibition game. In 1958 (at age 17) he became the youngest player to play in a World Cup Final, scoring two unbelievable goals in a 5-2 victory over Sweden. (Ending Wikipedia plagiarism now) He was NEO, the ONE! People worshipped him. The only human beings in the world that could compete with his fame were Muhammed Ali and the Pope. He and Ali are the probably the most well-known atheletes to have ever lived.

What we should take note of is the reactions from the rest of the world. Brazillians considered Pele's move to New York his actual retirement (Henry Kissinger actually had to pull strings with the Brazillian government to make it happen, even though Pele had retired two years earlier from his Brazillian Club team). Certain Italian fans threatened to throw themselves under the wheels of the plane that was flying Chinaglia, one of the best strikers in the world at the time, to the Big Apple. Germany's immortal Franz Beckenbauer, who invented the sweeper position, was labled a traitor by many of Bayern Munich's supporters after accepting his lucrative contract from the Cosmos. Beckenbauer famously described the benefits of playing in America vs. the pressure of playing in an actual competitive league, saying "in Munich I could not walk two feet without being mobbed, now I can stroll down Fifth Ave. and no one knows who I am". It was an escape for these guys. Retirement in the Land of the Free, the glorious U.S. and A.

To come up with an equivalent for Americans to relate to is difficult. We just don't feel the same insane fiery passion for our sports stars here. We would never think of throwing our bodies in front of an airplane to keep someone like Tom Brady here.

What will David Beckham bring? To the sport of soccer in America, I say not much. He's no Pele, really. But to the Hollywood scene, that's a whole different ballgame. Goalkeepers all across the MLS have less reason to be afraid than do the likes of TomKat and Brangelina. Posh and Becks, baby. Watch out. (I would like to point out early here: ONCE PEOPLE HEAR DAVID BECKHAM TALK, they may or may not think he makes even Mike Tyson sound tough.

The following quote from the director of the aforementioned ESPN documentary sums up what happened with the Pele attempt, and it will also serve as a prophecy concerning this current Beckham deal unless something different (maybe like not overexpanding the league this time) is done:

"...the Lords of American Soccer, who misread the success of the Cosmos as an endorsement of the sport rather than what it was — a feverish, ephemeral moment when the arrival of a global idol combusted with the birth of showbiz in American sports. When the house of cards finally collapsed for good in 1984, its demise was so total that it took another 12 years for a professional league (Major League Soccer) to emerge from the rubble."

At the end of the day, I just don't believe we have it in us, as a country, to embrace soccer the same way the rest of the world does. We should just accept that, all the while counting our blessings because our nation's favorite sports are not cricket and polo.

On the Bandwagon

by SonDog

It's official. I'm making it official right here. Right now. I'm on the bandwagon of pissed off Kings fans. The wagon is circling the towns of Boredom, Anger and Resentment. Yup, I want to blow up this team.

Not since the 2006 San Francisco Giants have I been as thoroughly dissinterested about a group of players and coach/manager. Here's my annual 36-game (14-22 record) breakdown of the key persons involved (Coincidentally, when the Kings were 14-22 last year, they traded for Artest):

Eric Musselman (coach): In over the head that sits on his 5'4" frame. Known as a defensive coach, Musselman's team is giving up MORE points per game than any Kings team since 1999. Plus, if you believe Marty McNeal of the SacBee, Musslehead is a slimy little weasel.

Ron Artest: Trade him. Trade him now. If not, you risk picking up 10 Canadian cents to the dollar later on. Artest is the Israel to Mike Bibby's Palestine (and Kevin Martin's Lebanon) (and Brad Miller's Iran) (and John Salmons' Syria) (and... you get the point.)

Mike Bibby: Trade him. Trade him now. Trade him before he decides to pick up the option for $28 million over the next two years. Earlier this season, the theory was that the Kings needed to trade him for fear of getting nothing in return after he opts out at the end of the year. Now, the fear is that he will NOT opt out. Bibby has been horrible this year and is steadfastly refusing to let Artest be the floor leader (in fairness, it's tough to tell if Bibby is making a good or bad decision).

Brad Miller: He died two years ago, but his corpse is still running around the court from time to time.

Shareef Abdur-Rahim: Whatever.

Here's some highlights from Chris Sheridon's recent blog on ESPN Insider:

"Blame for the final minute breakdown (game against the Knicks) ultimately falls to Sacramento coach Eric Musselman, but Monday's loss looked all too similar to the Kings' recent close losses in this streak -- three of them in overtime -- by virtue of the way the wrong player tried to be the star at the end... and the Kings -- out of timeouts -- settled for a 3-point attempt by Artest, a 28-point shooter from behind the arc, that missed to end their final chance.

On the court with Artest on that final play were Mike Bibby, who used to make a career out of knocking down clutch shots, and Kevin Martin, who reached 30 points for the eighth time this season and who has been making 42 percent of his 3s. Artest never gave either of them so much as a glance.

Sacramento Bee beat writer Sam Amick mentioned to me after the game how he had noticed Ronnie Price of the Kings looking down at his teammates and having to implore them to stand and show some support in the final minute, yet another indication that the chemistry and cohesiveness of the Kings is far from satisfactory.

There have already been a couple of locker room blowups involving Artest, whose name continues to be bandied about in trade talk among league executives. It appeared the Kings were ready to move him before ownership apparently stepped in and made it known that they were prepared to give it a little more time ... perhaps even to gauge the trade value of Bibby, who must decide at the end of the season whether he will opt out of the final two years of his contract and become an unrestricted free agent. But Bibby is having such an off year, his averages dropping to 18.0 points and 6.8 assists, that he'd have to be nuts to forego the $28 million he still is owed for next season and the year after."

This is not going to end well. My primary hope at this point is that the Kings lose every game the rest of the season and somehow wind up with one of the top 2 picks in next year's draft. Greg Oden and Kevin Durant are going to be transcendent players in this league and I would cry like a little schoolgirl if the Kings managed to get either of those players.

East Coast Connection

Hello friends. It's Whitey here. Sondog has given me the Honor of being able to post on this wonderful site. It has been a pleasure reading your thoughts and I look forward to adding (I doubt it) to them. First, a little about myself. I am 28 years old and I am getting married in June. I am a Cardinals (baseball), Bengals, and UVA fan. So plan on me being biased to these teams. I was born and raised here in Richmond, VA. I went to Virginia Commonwealth University and I now work as a Fire Safety Inspector for their hospital. Anyway, there is a little bit of info about me. Feel free to ask me any questions. And once again I would like to thank everyone for letting me be a part of this blog. It's an honor.

PS> I have had about 4 half-and-halfs (Guinness and Harp) tonight...... so take this for what it's worth.

Whitey

Oldies but Greenies

by SonDog

By now everybody knows about the latest Barry Bonds fiasco. Nobody wants to hear about it, but it's the top story in any publication or website where you would find information on the San Francisco Giants. I've made my feelings clear on this site regarding Bonds. To paraphrase, I loved watching him play in his prime and rarely missed an at bat, but I'm ready to move on so I can discuss baseball with other fans when they learn I'm a Giants loyalist.

With that in mind, let's talk about a few things that are troubling me about the Giants:

-- I'm one Ryan Jenson-signing away from starting a firebriansabean.blogspot.com website. I'm dead serious. I used to think Sabean was a genius, but his crippling lack of imagination with regards to building a roster is destroying my faith in the Soprano-like mob boss. Heading into 2006, there were three players on the roster that were with the team during the 2002 World Series: Bonds, Pedro Feliz, and Tim Worrell (more on him in a moment). Heading into 2007? There are four. And Worrell retired. It's the worst "Hey, let's get the ol' band back together!" idea since Farah Faucet's last spread in Playboy.

Russ Ortiz? I mean, Russ Ortiz? To a guaranteed deal? What, was Trevor Wilson not available? Don't get me wrong, I used to truly enjoy watching Ortiz pitch, especially when he would unleash a 120 pitch, 60 balls-60 strikes masterpiece that only a mother could love. But the Ortiz-Express derailed two years ago and has shown no signs of survivors. Ortiz heads into Spring Training with a legitimate shot at cracking the rotation, which tells you about all you need to know about what the Giants think of Brad Hennessey as a starter.

-- Rich Aurilia and Ryan Klesko will platoon at first base and each of them likely will spend considerable time batting third in the lineup. In 2001, this would have been a potent combo. In 2007? It's a combo reminiscent of the waz and deuce that Rocky takes each morning.

-- Dave Roberts will bat leadoff. If he can stay healthy, I actually like this signing. Roberts and Vizquel, barring injury, should provide the team with some serious speed atop the order. Then again, they are a combined age of 131, so health is a huge question.

-- The bullpen is a big question mark. As of now, it looks like Armondo "Can of Gasoline" Benitez, Kevin Correia, Vinnie Chulk, Steve Kline, Brian Wilson, Hennessey, Jack Tachner, Billy Sadler, Scott Munter and maybe Jonathan Sanchez will compete for six bullpen slots. I have not confirmed this, but I heard that Rod Beck and Felix Rodriguez might be signing three-year deals with Sabean soon.

Toronto: What's that all Aboot?

by SonDog

First of all, I'm in Canada on a business trip. And first of all, I have to mention that the game between the Kings and Lakers last Thursday would have been one of the best games of the year had A) the Kings won rather than choke at the line and B) Charles Barkley didn't provide commentary throughout the game. First of all, I counted Chuck's sentences that he began with "First of all" at an astonishing 375. First of all, I don't think I'm remotely close to exaggerating. First of all, I had to put the game on mute by the third quarter because, first of all, it got a little annoying.

Anyways, like I mentioned, I'm in Toronto at the moment on a business trip, if you care. Since you probably don't, I'll move on to some random thoughts about the NBA and Canada:

-- I went to a great Wizards/Raptors game at the Air Canada Centre on Sunday morning. Chris Bosh is a beast and Agent Zero (Gilbert Arenas) is just fun to watch. Off the top of my head, here is my top-10 list of players I enjoy watching:

1. LeBron
2. D-Wade
3. Carmelo
4. Chris Paul - from here on out known as CP3
5. Dwight Howard - from here on out known as The Christian
6. Bosh - the announcer at ACC calls him CB4. Could get confusing with CP3.
7. Agent Zero
8. Steve Nash
9. AI
10. Gerald Wallace

Am I leaving off a ton of players? Yes. Were these just the first 10 names that popped into my head when I think of NBA League Pass? Probably. Will I enjoy Brandon Roy and Andrei Bargiani (especially since I now own a Bargiani bobblehead) in the future? Maybe. Am I sounding a little too much like Donald Rumsfeld? Absolutely.

-- I bought a Bosh jersey for my son. He's going to as big of a jersey whore as I am whether he wants to be or not.

-- Little known fact about Canadians: An abnormally large percentage of its population has prostate problems. I base this on no concrete fact. Rather, I came to this conclusion after missing most of the first and second quarters of the game while fans continually paraded in front of me with the game clock moving. Good times.

Seriously, that's inexcusable. All sports fans know that when you are at a game, you get up and move during breaks in the action... not during the action itself. There was one point during the second quarter that I felt compelled to slap a 30-year-old woman across the face after she got up for the seventh time. What was even more troubling was the fact that her boyfriend did nothing to discourage this behavior.

-- Toronto is home to the second-best clam chowder I have ever tasted (Newport, Rhode Island tops the list). It's also home to the second-best fish and chips I've ever tasted (London is #1 by a wide margin). So, Toronto is almost a really good city for food. That being said, I burned the roof of my mouth on the clam chowder on Saturday and it's been driving my crazy ever since. It's the type of wound that would go away if I could only stop tonguing it. If you can name what movie that line is from, you get 10 points.

-- The dialect. Man, the dialect. What's that all aboot, eh? You know how to determine whether somebody is saying NO or NOW in Toronto? You can't.

-- TSN is Canada's version of ESPN. Actually, it's a subsidiary of ESPN that even has it's own version of SportsCentre with all the bells and whistles we've come to know and love. Yeah, that's right, SportsCentre. That's Centre. As in RE. Anyways, the national championship last night wasn't the lead story on SportsCentRE. Hockey, on the other hand, was the lead story. I guess this shouldn't really surprise me, but I wonder if Canadians fully comprehend that, since the strike/lockout, Americans don't really consider hockey a sport. BH, you will be happy to know that SportsCentre up here is no different than the SportsCenter in the states: Lots of news about worthless crap, just focused on hockey.

???????

posted by BH

Joe Buck just said that last week, Tiki Barber literally willed the Giants to a victory.

These people have to be stopped.

Lil' Tid Bits

Is it just me or are the NFL Bigwigs just stupid. They will "Allow" for Mike Nolan and Jack Del Rio to wear suits twice a year. Meanwhile, it's fine for Bill Belichick, a three-time world champion to look like a classless bum. Then again I suppose that makes sense considering the way he handled losing, and winning against his protégé Eric Mangini.

Boomer Esiason is an arrogant pric. No, that is not news. But today he made me laugh out loud. No, that is not news.

I have a new American Hero, Jarred from Subway. Why you ask? Because here is man that sat on his ass doing little more than gorging himself until he became an obese slob. Then, given money to eat sandwiches! Is this not the American Dream! "I'm fat and hungry so I'm going to take a job eating sandwiches. Yeah but I'm going to have to walk sometimes too." What I really want to know, did he approach Subway with the idea or did Subway pull his fat ass off the street and make him an offer he couldn't refuse? I wonder how much the fat fucker is worth now? Enough to order a sandwich from a nice restaurant, or enough to have a group of hot bitches on him at the club? I change my mind, I now resent him.

Will the culprit of the Darrent Williams murder be caught? I sincerely hope so or anyone will think they can kill someone and get away with it, myself included. We can call it the OJ Simpson Phenomenon.