Ron Santo = Dumb

I've never been a Ron Santo fan. It has little to do with his efforts as a player and everything to do with homerism in baseball beginning and ending with him and his beloved Cubbies. I know, the guy has diabetes. He's missing parts of his body. He had a good career. Not great, but good. Not a Hall of Fame career. In Santo's mind, it was great though, clearly meriting HOF induction. After being denied by the Veterans' Committee, again, Santo spoke out against the process (really, their failure to elect him):

"It's a travesty,'' Santo said, according to the Chicago Sun-Times. ''When I saw nobody got in again, I go, 'Whoa, this is wrong.' They can't keep going the way they're going. They've got to put a [different] committee out there.''

''Getting in or not getting in is not going to change my life at all. I'm going to be me, and that's it," Santo said, according to the Sun-Times. "But I feel I deserve this. I put up Hall of Fame numbers during the greatest era of baseball for pitchers, and I played with diabetes. Only diabetics can know what I went through. It would have just been satisfying [to be elected].''

This is wrong on more than one level. Let's be clear that Santo has no concern for who else should have gotten in. His focus is squarely on Ron Santo. And why the idea that someone has to get into the Hall every year? Failing to do that is a "travesty"? Fucking talk about dilluted. Apparently no one has been elected to the Hall by the VC in eight years. That's eight years of borderline-to-undeserving players making it in if the Santo Doctrine is adopted, and way less significance with each induction. Baseball's Hall is already an all-inclusive joke, especially next to football's, and anything that can be done to diminish the rate of admission, is a positive.

My biggest issue with Santo's argument though is the diabetes angle. "I put up Hall of Fame numbers during the greatest era of baseball for pitchers, and I played with diabetes. Only diabetics can know what I went through." Ugh. Really? Because you put up less than HOF numbers, and did it with diabetes, you deserve to be in? I have a disease. It's called not being good enough. I did a lot within the abilities allowed by my disease, and by God despite being a barely functional .200 hitter in college, I deserve to be recognized. Fuck, seriously. Maybe, probably, Santo belongs in the National Diabetics Hall of Fame, but simply competing while affected by a disease, disability or other, I don't know, malady does not mean you're evaluated by a different set of standards.

Your New Niners

It was sloppy at the end, but it appeared more so due to the hooooorible officiating crew who decided early in the second half to throw a flag on every play regardless of whether or not a penalty had been committed. Jesus, did you see the tipped pass/pass interference call? There was no p.i. because the ball was tipped - even though the ball wasn't within three feet of a defender's hand - and when the play was to be reviewed, they decided that there hadn't been any interference anyway. W. T. F.?

Okay though, I liked the way they played. Shaun Hill is not awesome, but he's not a constant panic-attack like J.T. O'Sullivan - the poor man's Jeff Garcia, who is the poor man's quarterback. The play calling at the end was abysmal, but whatever. At least they were in a position to fuck up the game in the last two minutes rather than having pissed the whole thing away in the first two. They looked ready to run through a brick wall, which hasn't been the case with a Niner team since Tom Rathman was knocking the shit out of guys.

Almost universally around the sports world this morning, Arizona looked bad against a team they should have destroyed. Douchebaggery and thoughtlessness, I say. Warner was a stud. Both teams were flying all over the field. Aside from the officials attempts to turn the last three minutes into an NBA game, it was as exciting a finish as any this season.

If ever there were reason for fans to celebrate a moral victory, it's this one. I'd rather watch this version of the 2008 Niners lay it on the line playing last night's brand of football and lose every game close than watch the Nolan-lead version do what they were doing and fall into one or two wins. Plus those losses mean a better draft pick...to blow on another system QB.

This is bordering on crazy

Jay Glazer of FOX Sports, he of the routinely beating everyone to the scoop, reports that Brett Favre has spoken to more than one team about the Packers' play-calling tendencies. Not only has he spoken to them, Favre has initiated the communication. It seems there's no rule against such actions, but what does it tell us about Favre as a man? I mean, I guess we already know he's a total douche. My first thought is that he's either trying to make himself look that much better by making the Packers on-field play seem that much worse, or he's trying to punish the team for not groveling and letting him call the shots. Either way, these are the actions of an insecure child. I've always felt like Favre has been overly active in how he is portrayed by the media, but this is out there. This is slimy.

News flash: Brett Favre is an attention-seeking douche after all

We know Brett Favre famously, graciously, called fellow tough-guy, gunslinger, hot white stud quarterback Tony Romo to offer his encouragement over Romo's broken pinky, because Favre told ESPN he did so. Have you ever known anyone who does something nice, like makes a donation to an organization or cleans up baby birds after an oil spill, mostly so they can tell everyone they made a donation or cleaned up an oil-soaked seagull? Remember that scene where "Sack" is describing saving an otter in "Wedding Crashers?" Anyway, I found a link at Deadspin about Favre's similar call, or lack thereof, to one Aaron Rodgers who has been playing with a bum shoulder.

This guy is a childish clown.

Polamalu criticizes NFL fines; ensures he will receive fine

Pissed that his Pittsburgh Steelers have been hit with a rash of unnecessary roughness and illegal block and blah, blah, blah penalties of late the safety spoke out against the heavy-handed:

I think regarding the evolution of football, it's becoming more and more flag football, two-hand touch. We've really lost the essence of what real American football is about. I think it's probably all about money. They're not really concerned about safety.

He went on to say

When you see guys like Dick Butkus, the Ronnie Lotts, the Jack Tatums, these guys really went after people. Now, they couldn't survive in this type of game. They wouldn't have enough money. They'd be paying fines all the time and they'd be suspended for a year after they do it two games in a row. It's kind of ridiculous.

Amen, Troy. A. Men. It seems as though the NFL, since the inception of the Roger Goodell era, has become a little crazy with the extent to which they restrict the actions of players. That being said, there were a lot of shitty things that went on during the course of play when Dick Butkus, the Ronnie Lotts and Jack Tatums were playing that significantly, negatively, altered players' post-football lives.

This is not news, ESPN. Get off the cock.

Stupid ESPN.com headline #46,729:

Favre calls injured Romo, offers encouragement.

Who gives a shit? Who gives a flying fuck of a shit? Jesus, I mean Ed Werder sounds like the president of the Favre/Romo Saturday Night Circle Jerk.

Although there seems to be some unjustified question about Romo's toughness, Favre has no such doubts, lavishing praise on a player whose reckless style and fun-loving nature on the field have been compared to the future Hall of Famer who holds virtually every significant NFL record for quarterbacks.

Talk about editorializing. "Unjustified question?" "Fun-loving nature?" "Every significant NFL record for quarterbacks?" This is shit wrapped in a veil of nonsense dropped in a pile of fluff.

Put your arm down, dumbfuck.

I remember in college we were playing some school somewhere in the second game of a doubleheader. Having started the first game on the mound, I was in the dugout at the start of the second game. In some inning, maybe the second or third - early anyway - a guy from the other team hit a home run over the left field wall. As he rounded first, he said, quietly, but loud enough that our dugout could hear, "See ya."

I'm reminded of such douchitude each time a baseball player does anything overly expressive after a home run. Shane Victorino, you're a douche. Act like a man, not a Victorino.

Nonsense Quote of the Week nominee

The scene: Friday night's Giants/Dodgers game at AT&T Park. Bengie Molina hits a ball high off the wall in right but only manages a single. Bruce Bochy removes Molina from the game for a pinch-runner, Emmanuel Burriss. Omar Vizquel swears he's heard the ball hit metal, so Bochy asks the umpires to use their new replay capabilities to determine whether the ball in fact did strike metal and was thus, a Bengie oppo-ya-ya. After review, it is determined that Molina's ball was a home run, so Burriss, not Molina, rounds the bases. Molina is credited with a home run, but Burriss gets the run scored. Bochy, though, wants Molina back in the game. His thinking has to be simple. If the umpires had gotten the call right in the first place, Molina would be in the game, completing his trot. The opportunity to have been removed would not have been presented. Crew Chief Tim Welke, after the game, felt differently, saying

Bochy wanted to reinsert Molina into the game but he doesn't get another bite at that. We know the rules. Once a pinch-runner touches a base, he's in the game whether he's put in or not. ... You can't go back and revisit history.

Yeah, but...you just...revisi...ah...ooohhhh...I just heard a pop and now a gooey substance is leaking out my ear...I don't think I've got much longer, soi illjusjasdnvaf...sdfah...

Favre's confusion

Brett Favre, at his Jets introduction yesterday, looked like a guy who never really knew what he wanted and got something he wasn't sure about. Because he never knew what he wanted, he never knew how to get it. Favre started floating the notion that he might be interested in returning to Green Bay earlier this year, not to his coach or his GM, but to randoms who could spread the word for him. The whole Favre un-retirement jumblefuck demonstrated Favre's lack of, brains, courage, honor and character. It wasn't until there was a significant groundswell of comeback support that he became visible, ready to stare down the Packers. And really, a return wasn't what Favre had in mind at all. Brett Favre, more than any other high-profile athlete I've ever seen, embraces the idea that the media makes the story; that the media sometimes makes stories out of nothing; that they are looking for the slightest chance, however absurd, to dress white players in a veil of heroic. So Favre talks to Greta Van Susteren, and texts Chris Mortenson, and tells the media Ted Thompson had to grovel to get him to avoid coming to camp, and it was all an attention-grabbing load of horseshit.

And now Favre comes out the unquestioned loser. He doesn't want to play football. He sure as shit doesn't want to play football for the New York Jets. He wants people to talk about BRett Favre. That's what he's always wanted. His reputation is tarnished. It's hard for even the "WWL" to throw enough frosting on the rock hard, burnt, made by my four year-old cake that is Brett Favre to make it edible.

More Rosenthal Douchebaggery

Among Fox Sports' Ken Rosenthal's NL selections at the pitcher spot...you will not find the current NL saves leader with 24, San Francisco's Brian Wilson. Fuck, I know saves are like wins and thus, imperfect when measuring a player's effectiveness, but Jesus, man. He doesn't even get a "Notable Omissions" nod, which goes to the likes of :

Taylor Buchholz, RHP, Rockies; Francisco Cordero, RHP, Reds; Jair Jurrjens, RHP, Braves; Hong-Chi Kuo, Dodgers; Kyle Lohse, RHP, Cards; Carlos Marmol, RHP, Cubs; Kerry Wood, RHP, Cubs.

Writes Rosendouche:

Love the staff, even though I included only two relievers. The starters on my team are just too good — so good, I couldn't find a spot for Jurrjens, who is sixth in the league in ERA.

When discussing AL pitchers, Rosenthal includes the O's George Sherrill because he's second in the league in saves. So saves is a stat that matters to Rosenthal. So where is the fucking love for the guy leading the NL in saves?

Similarly, Rosenthal shafts Bengie in favor of Yadier Molina for Notable omission at the NL catcher's spot, despite similarish OBP, Slugging, BA, HR, and OBPS, though Bengie is killing in RBIs, because "(Yadier) Molina throws as well as any catcher in the league and is one of the most difficult players to strike out." Really? Bengie strikes out once every 14 ABs and Yadier strikes out once every 21. That seems like a lot, except when you notice Bengie has struck out 7 more times in 49 more AB's, but let's not even pretend it matters half a fuck when selecting an All-Star team. Also, throws as well as blah, blah, blah? Jesus, man.

So of course the issue is, Rosenthal hasn't seen shit this year outside the FGOTW, and unless a player he hasn't seen has stats that jump out of his computer screen and blow stat goo all over his face, Rosenthal ignores him. The biggest problem I have with this list is the lack of consistency. He picks Jose Reyes despite acknowledging Reyes' being an error machine because he's "one of the five most exciting players in the game," yet would take Yadier Molina because of a strong arm? Would take Griffey Jr. as a lifetime achievment despite a OBPS lower than 11 of the qualifying right fielders in the NL and the 14th best SLG among right fielders?

I'd like to submit into evidence...

item #437 in the case of "The People Versus Obnioxious Douchbaggery in Baseball." After making a throwing error last Sunday, Mets' shortstop Jose Reyes threw his mitt to the ground in disgust and was called on it by Keith Hernandez.

Well, he's got to get over that," Hernandez said at the time, according to one transcript of the broadcast. "Enough babying going on now. He's a grown man. He's been around a long enough time. Take off the kid gloves."

Reyes' response?

"A lot of people told me, and that's no good," Reyes told The Post. "I was mad at myself because I make an error in that situation. It makes me mad, because [Hernandez] played the game, too. He knows it is not an easy game. And he knows when you make an error, you are supposed to feel bad."

He also knows you don't throw your glove to the ground when you fuck up. Actually, eight year-olds know that. Hernandez has been known to run at the mouth a little, but Reyes deserved to be called on acting like a tantrum-throwing child. News flash, fuckface: you can feel bad about a play without making a huge spectacle. Instead, Reyes' response was to confront Hernandez on the team flight, further demonstrating the extent to which Keith Hernandez was right in his comments.

It's still cheating

Sappy fraud Ken Rosenthal's latest nonsensical page vomit revolves around Paul Byrd's explanation for why he used HGH...

(Byrd) said that he had a legitimate explanation for using HGH — three doctors had diagnosed him as suffering from adult growth-hormone deficiency.

Awesome. That is a legitimate reason for taking HGH...if you want to live a normal life. Not as far as baseball is concerned though. In the interview Byrd goes on to explain that his real issue was that the Mitchell Report said Byrd had taken the HGH as treatment for a tumor, which he never told Mitchell investigators. Okay. He also says the HGH helped him function normally. Good. I truly hope Paul Byrd is experiencing a more normal existence due in part to the benefits of having taken HGH and undergoing other treatments. At the end of the day though, he took HGH and was a Moajor League baseball player. The question for us all is and has been and will continue to be, did the player ingest or inject or do something that allowed him to perform at a level otherwise incapable? For Paul Byrd? Yeah. I'm sorry about his hormone deficiency. I'm glad you're healthy now. But not everyone can do everything. You can't take a 36-inch tall kid on the 45 inches and up ride at Disneyland because he's wearing stilts. You can't put paddles on an armless swimmer and sign him up for the Olympics. As Walter says in The Big Lebowski, "Smoky, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules." Sometimes, shit happens and things get fucked and you can't play baseball.

Q: How much — if at all — do you regret using HGH?
A: At this time in my life I do not regret using HGH. It really helped me health-wise and personally with my marriage. As far as the baseball field goes, I was able to throw bullpens and recover better (like a normal pitcher) but I have recently learned by talking to doctors that my recovery could have been a by-product of the hormone allowing me to get sleep so I am working on that now through different means. What I don't miss about HGH — the reoccurring temptation to take more than the prescribed dose and possibly increase the velocity of my fastball.

I like the whole parenthetical mention of the baseball benefits of HGH, like actually throwing harder would have been the only real benefit. Not the getting to throw at all. Getting to "throw bullpens and recover better (like a normal pitcher)," due to having taken HGH, means you cheated.

Go Away, Doucheclown

Put your arm down, dumbfuck!

Dan Uggla, after his 9th-inning grand slam to put the Marlins past Philadelphia. 

You're excited, I know.  But raising your arm while rounding the bases following a home run, any home run, possibly excluding one that just brought you back from three down in the 9th to win the series, is super douchy.  

Three things you should never do whilst playing sports:

1) Pump your fists a la Tiger Woods, Derek Jeter, Rafael Nadal.  Super douchy.

2) Kick your opponent in the balls.  Super douchy.

3) Raise your arm in celebration as you round the bases following a home run.

  

Smug fuckface says dumb thing...

David Stern, responding to Tim Donaghy's assertion that the outcome of Game 6 of the 2002 Lakers/Kings series was directed by officials, 

NBA commissioner David Stern said the Justice Department had fully investigated the most recent Donaghy's claims, which he labeled as "baseless."

Really?  Really?  Remember watching the game?  Actually watching the game is a base.  Remember all of us talking conspiracy?  Bbbbase.  Remember that Ralph Nader letter?  You guessed it.  I've been off the NBA since that game.  Seriously.  WWmothafuckingE.  That nonsense was a travesty.  Never before in any sporting event did I feel so wronged; so helpless.  As fans, there is an emotional investment in our teams.  When our team loses there is hurt.  When our team loses when the contest is not on the level, then there is little reason to invest.  The NBA line involves dismissive slough about Donaghy trying to save himself.  How does this save him?  That Donaghy throws it out there six years later out of the blue should give his assertions some credibility.  

Yeah, there's no bias

Guy A: 4 1/3 IP, 3 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 5 K, 1 HR 

ESPN.com headline - (Guy A) goes 4-plus innings to help (Guy A's team) dump (perennial basementeer).  

Guy B: 5.0 IP, 3 ER, 4 BB, 2 K, 1 HR 

ESPN.com headline - (Guy B) struggles but emerges with (not to be disclosed at this time) win of season.

Guy A = Joba Chamberlain

Guy B = Barry Zito

The worst part of it all is that the "WWL" actually had "Joba" in the headline, rather than "Chamberlain."  Fuck, I get it.  He's a hot semi-prospect pitching in New York, and it's hard to expect the MSM to really choose a Zito win over a Chamberlain no-decision, but. come. on.  The giant Yankee cock-fondle is absurd.  The headline on ESPN.com's front page (!) reads, "Joba posts solid start as Yanks down K.C."  There are so many things wrong about the dichotomy regarding coverage.  In how many cases is a pitcher who doesn't pitch long enough to qualify for a win and leaves the game with his team trailing considered helping the team?  In how many cases is an effort that did not even reach quality start status considered solid?  I guess when he looked like a runny turd his last time out.  Seriously, the headline reads, "Joba goes 4-plus innings to help Yankees dump Royals."  Had he gone 4-plus in relief, I might buy the whole thing.  Hey, did you know Joba plays for the Yankees?  Did you know he wears a crown of thorns?  Did you know Jim Caviezel played him in a movie once?  

You can sure as shit bet had Zito lost there'd have been some snarking bullshit about getting to 10 losses quicker than Ol' Lefty "Always Loses" McIntyre back in 1894.  I know that there is a marked difference in each pitcher's game and what they mean to their teams.  Zito is a weight.  Chamberlain is the future.  He certainly had a pitch count and maybe could have gone 17 innings while wearing a hula-hoop.  It was a much better start than his last outing.  But Jesus, can't we expect at least some effort to pretend sports coverage to the left of the Mississippi isn't the equivalent of the Florida and Michigan delegates at the DNC?  

Jeremy Shockey talks to the media about keeping talks in-house

Yeah, I guess it's what we've come to expect, right?  It's not only Shockey that does the 'I'm going to talk through the media to tell you I'm not going to talk through the media,' thing.  It seems to happen a lot.  I dated this girl for a while who, upon becoming angry with me, would say something mean, leave or hang-up the phone, hoping I'd call back in some grovely fashion.  Jeremy Shockey is that girlfriend.

The statement I would like to make about the Giants and the speculation in the offseason is that whatever happens between the upper management, lower management, the owners, any management, is going to (stay) between ourselves," the six-year veteran said yesterday at a promotional appearance at Flushing Meadows Corona Park. "Unlike the Giants, I am going to be quiet. They have released multiple things about myself, and if you look back into the media (reports), there is always a source. Well, I would like to know who the source is.

"I haven't said one negative thing towards the Giants in the newspapers," he added. "I have never expressed the feelings of the things that you guys (the media) made up. You guys will be able to talk to me (more) if I make it to minicamp."

Haysus H. Christo, fuckinga douchebag.  Seriously, there must be a thousand metaphors for the rampant douchebaggery here.  "I'm the big man, and I'm not gonna complain, but man they've mistreated me."  You know how in almost every major sports fight, one guy makes a tough show when approaching the other combatant, yet can be pulled away and restrained by the smallest guy on the court/field? 

That's Jeremy Shockey.  

I love this

After Cedric Benson's second alcohol-related arrest in just over a month, Bears coach Lovie Smith, 

said he was inclined to give Benson the benefit of the doubt "like everyone else in society gets."

I think even Lovie knows he's full of shit on this one, what with playing the woe-is-the-professional-athlete-in-the-limelight schtick and the fact that the offender was one Cedric Benson.    

Mixed bag of schadenfreude

Is it wrong to root against seeing Big Brown win today's Belmont Stakes and thus the Triple Crown, solely because of the captain of the Battledouche Dickknuckle, Rick Dutrow?  No, I say, no it is not for two immediate reasons.  

1) It's hard to root for the loudmouth, yet easy to root against one.  The loudmouth seemingly devoid of any humility is worse, but the loudmouth devoid of humility despite every reason in the world to actually at least have an inkling of an iota of an idea about the concept is the worst of the worst.  And that's Rick Dutrow, who has a knack for juicing his horses, Big Brown included, and, on occasion, himself.  But Dutrow is clean, as are his horses to a lesser extent, supposedly having only been given steroids that have not been banned.  There's something about the recovering addict, cheater, philander, convict, etc., who acts like he or she never was that pisses most of us off.  It's as though despite normal society, that is, those who accept and play by a collection of social norms, having let him back in, there has been no reflection.  No, "shit I'm lucky they still let me do this."  When that happens, you get Rick Dutrow.  "This is about Big Brown, not what I did 15 years ago," Dutrow says.  Bullshit, I say.  It is about what he did 15 years ago because he has made it about what he did 15 years ago.  Because he still acts like a brash, who-gives-a-fuck-what-you-think trash clown, and that's not okay.  I'd rather hear something like, "You know, this is a good horse and he's run all his races well.  I'm lucky to be in a position to train such an amazing and gifted horse," as opposed to, in referring to Casino Drive, who is now out of the race, "He's got no chance of beating our horse.  I'll be in the winner's circle when they get to the quarter pole. That's how I feel. I don't see that this horse can beat him."  Really?  You really had to go the extra nut-shot mile and throw in that say the "quarter pole" thing?  That's why you're hateable.  You're a fat slimy douche.  That's how I feel.  I'll be standing in the non-douche winner's circle while you're still in the non-douche starting gate trying to get on your horse.  

2) NBC insists on putting a camera in Dutrow's red, sweaty face after each win.             

Kookoo for Coco Crap

Awesome night for Boston douchebaggery.

Rule #1 after you've gotten your ass kicked in a fight: Say the other guy fought unfair.  Like, he "pulled my hair," "bum-rushed me," or the ultimate douchebag sucker-punch nut shot, "fought like a girl."  There is something overwhelming lame about a guy who stands before the media, the way Coco Crisp did after the Rays-Sox brawl,  trying to sell his story to the unbelievers.  "Ooh, you didn't see what really happened...it happened under the pile and they were diiirty...that's the real story here...not that I couldn't actually handle myself and left shitstains all over the infield."  It all feels very, I don't know, Wal-Mart lunchroom trashy.  Tony LaRussa slimy.  Too much effort to shape opinion.

And please, fucking please stop mentioning Willis Reed and Paul Pierce in the same breath.  Here's why:

"Reed's most famous performance took place on May 8, 1970, during Game 7 of the NBA Finals against the Los Angeles Lakers in Madison Square Garden. Despite a severe thigh injury - a torn muscle - he started the game in front of a thrilled audience and scored the Knicks' first two field goals on his first two shot attempts."  

Torn fucking muscle.  Not "right knee sprain."  That Pierce came back so hoppy and bouncy give some real indication about that nature of his exit and return?  Like "right knee sprain" could be trainer/PR guy code for "Shit, uh, nothing really happened here."  He didn't play through anything.  He didn't overcome anything.  He was off the court for 1:45.  Come on would-be drama clowns.  Legendary?  Shut the fuck up.  

2008 MHR MLB Draft Coverage

Remember when you watched CBS's presentation of EliteXC and thought, "This looks like WWE shit compared to UFC"?  Welcome to MLB's coverage of the 2008 draft.  

I made the mistake of turning on coverage at 10 to find some clown douche trying to rile up the Disney World crowd.  Fuck, dude.  

Mock Negro League draft.  Prolooooooonged.  

Clowndouche again attempting to rile the crowd.  Clowndouche is introducing each team's draft representative(s).  Fuuuuuuuuuck.  Get to the draft.  I like that J.T. Snow and Felipe Alou are there for the Giants.  Didn't JT hate Felipe when he played for him?  I could be wrong about that.  Harold Reynolds representing Seattle is priceless.  There's a Zim sighting for Tampa Bay.

Okay, on to the draft.  No analysis from me.    

I think Peter Gammons just called Josh Hamilton an "All-American guy," though I don't know if he meant he was an All-American as an amateur, or like Captain America/David Eckstein.  He may have said "All-American story," but I'm watching this online without the ability to rewind.  How come black guys never get that designation?  I guess black players get to be "instinctive" while white players are "gamers" and "All-American."  Obviously, the idea that Hamilton has succeeded despite some hardship is fucking crazy batshit absurd, but oh well.  

Karl Ravech says Gordon Beckham has "literally" been moving up the charts.  Sweet.

Bud Selig says the "Los Angel-eez Dodgers" are on the clock.  You are a boob, Bud.  Boob Bud?  

I've sort of lost interest.  Giants don't pick again until #37, I think.  Meh.  I'm thrilled that Posey was there for them at #5. 

  

We're not bloggers. We're lazy douchebags.

Even though the two aren't mutually exclusive.  No, we're just busy.  I don't work in an office, thus the down parts of my day can't be filled with the paragon in profundity that are the Roscoe Galt rants about nothing and everything.  Instead, my posting is reserved, er, confined to the wee hours of the morning or the end of a day of which I've spent God knows how many hours wrangling cats.  Suddenly, bitching about Derek Fischer's foul feels trite, as it would to blast one ESPN.com primary photo after another of KG screaming or chest-thumping.  So to you, lone, solitary, singular, basement-dwelling MHR frequenter (?), I hope to...we, hope to again offer reason to be frequented, providing the kind of clear-headed, above-the-fray analysis and opinion consistent with someone who has been to the future, returned, and now blogs with the clarity and perception only 20-20 hindsight can afford.  Confused at all?    

On that note, what the fuck is up with the Giants losing the first two games of the Pads series after sweeping Arizona?  I mean, what the fucking fuck?  Suddenly, after looking promising, Pat Misch looks like a two-armed pickle throwing sauerkraut at a wall made of a mixture of pig and duck shit.  Dammit.

She didn't need to do that, even though she really didn't

After Hildog's comments about Robert F. Kennedy's June 1968 assassination, she issued this non-apology apology, 

"The Kennedys have been much on my mind the last days because of Senator [Ted] Kennedy and I regret that if my referencing that moment of trauma for our entire nation, and particularly for the Kennedy family, was in any way offensive. I certainly had no intention of that, whatsoever.  My view is that we have to look to the past and to our leaders who have inspired us and give us a lot to live up to, and I'm honored to hold Senator [Robert] Kennedy's seat in the United States Senate from the state of New York and have the highest regard for the entire Kennedy family," 

Not only was the apology not technically an apology, even the effort was unnecessary.  Hildog's point making the initial comments had to have been, "Hey, anything can happen.  This shitty thing happened forty years ago.  Some other things that have mattered have happened this late in the race in the past.  So let's all calm the fuck down."  If that's what she meant, why not make that statement rather than the apology?  Because it demonstrates that a) she is sorry the comments have damaged her campaign, b) she is not sorry for the intent behind the comments, and c) is willing to placate supporters and interested parties by throwing up political nonsense  she and her staff thinks will sell with the rabble.  Sigh.  The furor exhibited by some is a demonstration in absurdity.  They know what she meant, but the current political environment is one that demands blandness and the khakization of our leaders, with pundits and doucheclowns ready to pounce on any perceived misstep.  The New York Post runs to Al Sharpton for a comment, who expresses a sense of outrage and dismay at Clinton's statements.  Outrage on who's behalf?  Obama's or Kennedy's?  Is she hoping someone goes all Sirhan Sirhan on Obama?  Fucking duh no, you stupid assholes.  But, no one knows what is going to happen at any time over the course of the next minute, let alone the next month.  Do we need everything said with the grace of, well, Grace Kelley?  How can the entire country seemingly unite behind the witch trial of calling a candidate an "elitist," yet expect elitism? 

Might be funny to watch

New Giant Alex Hinshaw following his MLB debut against the White Sox and pitching well against the Rockies:

"When you first toe the rubber, it's always a jittery feeling because I only have a limited amount of...experience."

I couldn't help getting a visual of Hinshaw excitedly trying to roll a condom over his big toe.

It's a crime

I'll be the first to admit I don't watch a lot of NBA basketball.  I think the last time I really paid attention to an entire season was 1996.  I still watch from time to time.  I went to a Kings game last year, mostly because the tickets were free.  I write that to demonstrate that even a guy who barely watches knows the number of steps LeBron was taking throughout game seven was out of control.  I mean, fucking come on.  A joke.  And the chest-pounding KG does or screaming and hopping around Paul Pierce did?  Guh.  I know it's a big game on a large scale.  You're playing in front of a lot of people in the stands and at home, but I've always supported the idea that you adapt to your situation.  When you were a kid did you scream after a three in one of those games played at half-time of the high school basketball game?  Or when you reached high school?  No.  Because it would have been stupid.  Szcerblinenanek hits a three and hops in the air to pump his fist?  Are you kidding me with this shit?  When does the cheeziness douchebaggery become an accepted, expected part of the game?  A sighing "fuuuuuuck" to it all.

This has to have been written by a high-schooler...

...because John Donovan's MLB Power Rankings at SI.com is awwwwwwful.  I can't tell if the whole thing is one guy's from-the-hip opinion, if there's any rhyme or reason to this picks, or if he just watches Sportscenter for his information.  Sightastic.  

Tampa Bay Rays - Are the Rays really the third-best team in baseball, you ask? Well, this week they are, I answer. After sweeping the Angels and beating the Yankees three out of four, everyone has to be impressed. Plus they're in first place in the most difficult division for a small-revenue team in baseball to win in, the American League East. Will they stay on top, you ask? Well, these aren't the All-Seeing PRs, I answer.

Wonderful, I sarcastically answer.  Jesus, talk about your qualifiers.  "Plus, they're in first place in the most difficult division for a small-revenue team in baseball to win in, the American League East."  

Houston Astros

I'm not sure the Astros can stay here with that starting pitching -- in fact, I'm pretty sure they can't -- but give them credit for spunkiness. They've won six times when behind after eight innings. That?s spunky-riffic. Meanwhile, Lance Berkman continues to swing the bat like an MVP (his .391, 15 homers, 43 RBIs are only a few points on the batting average short of Triple Crown stuff), pushing the Astros to 11 wins in their last 13 games.

Houston has the 11th best record in baseball but is fourth on this list.  Clearly, the team's +513 spunkiness factor bumped them up the list.  The Astros are like the baseball version of a sophomore cheerleader.  Yahoo!  And parenthetically, Berkman's doing something good to help.  

More importantly, what are Donovan's criteria?  Clearly, he does not think the Astros are going to bee this good all year.  Is it about right now?  Or a team's actual perceived goodness on the Donovan-abortion-nothing-new-rip-off-of-every-other-power-rankings-scale?  Cripes.

Los Angeles Angels

Ex-ace John Lackey is back, and he looked pretty good Wednesday against the White Sox. Not good enough for the Halos to win, unfortunately, but good enough to give Angels' fans plenty to hope for in the next few months. This weekend, the Big A hosts the cross-sprawl Dodgers in the opening of interleague play. It's great when these two sets of rowdy fans start throwing California rolls and guacamole at each other.

I have two problems with this.  1) what is this condescending bullshit and 2) when was John Lackey an ace?  Do a team's fan's ferocity and narcissism regarding their teams have anything to do with the Angels' spot on the list.  Fuck, dude.  A joke about Californians eating sushi and avocados.  I think 1989 just winked at you.  Well done, doucheclown.  Fuck, Phillie fans eat boxes of rusty nails at the game.  You should be there to see the fans when The Cards and Royals hook up.  Two of the seven grains in their cereal are tornado dust and Mississippi silt.  

Boston Red Sox

How can you not absolutely love Manny Ramirez? So he hangs his teammates out to dry once in a while, and his defense is not something he really bothers with most nights, and he sometimes looks as if he'd rather be anywhere than where he is. Sometimes, in fact, he looks like he is someplace else. Still, that catch the other day, where he high-fived the fan and then completed a double play? Priceless.

Aside from these eight reasons, how could you not love Manny?  Oh yeah, Manny being Manny means the Red Sox are #6 on the list.  

Philadelphia Phillies

The Phillies are a little worried about Brett Myers, who is 0-3 with a 7.62 ERA in his last five starts. "It's almost a little bit of the Adam Eaton syndrome, where any time the ball was anywhere near the hitting zone, they killed it," catcher Chris Coste said. I don't know what the Eaton Syndrome is, exactly, but it sounds awfully scary. Hope Myers and ace Cole Hamels are on opposite sides of the clubhouse.

Hahaha.  You don't know what Adam Eato...oh he just...described...it for you.  

Florida Marlins

The Marlins had it going on with a seven-game winning streak until they ran into -- the Reds? With three losses in Cincinnati (and a rainout Thursday), the Fish showed again that they can flop around with the best, and the worst, of them. Love the imminent signing of Hanley Ramirez. Still don't think that makes this a playoff team.

So a contract extension for a guy already playing for the Marlins might now transform them into a playoff team?  Analysis complete, and check cashed.    

New York Mets

Are we all psyched up about another Subway Series this weekend? It'll be the last, you might have heard, in the old Yankee Stadium. Unless, of course, the Yanks and Mets meet in the World Series again. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. I crack myself up. I better stop laughing. Billy Wagner is liable to bite my head off.

Why the Wagner-bash?  He was pissed because his teammates weren't talking to reporters.  

     

New York Yankees

Hank's barking about wanting to be more like the Rays. If the seat of Brian Cashman's pants get any hotter, he's gonna earn his own MTV show. The lineup just hit .197 against Tampa Bay. Another week in paradise.         

I'll admit, I don't get the MTV joke.  Is it about hot girls with hot-pants.  Is there a new show called "The Hot Seat" I've never seen.  I haven't watched MTV in like 10 years, so I'm lost.  Speaking of Lost, my guess is that Jin, Desmond and Micheal are about to die on the boat.  Micheal's story has petered out, Desmond has had his reconnection with Penny, and Sun told the reporters that Jin had not died on the island.  Desmond is my - a lot of peoples, really -favorite character, but the writers have been known to fuck us before.  Hello, Mr. Eko. 

    

Cincinnati Reds

Ken Griffey Jr. told new GM Walt Jocketty, according to the Enquirer, that he wants to play in Cincy and win a championship there. Jocketty has had no trade discussions with anyone about Junior. Did I mention Griffey is hitting .250 with four homers?

I mean, isn't ripping on Griffey Jr. just stupid at this point?  And wouldn't it be more appropriate to rip on him if he were demanding a trade despite his BA and bombs?  The guy's not having the greatest year, but he's on base a lot (.335).

San Francisco Giants

GM Brian Sabean told the Chronicle the other day that, "we've got to be considered one of the most improved teams in baseball." This is prime material for a wisecrack. But I am speechless. How about you, Giants' fans?

I know they've floundered a bit lately, but I totally agree that this is one of the most improved teams in baseball.  Considering the team was universally chosen to win seven games all year, a lot of young players are getting a chance to play, Brian Wilson is one of the best closers in baseball, and Tim Lincecum is a stud, yeah, I'd say they're much improved and their situation has improved since the beginning of the year.  

Seattle Mariners

Interesting story in the Times the other day asking if the diverse M's, who have players from 10 different countries and territories, are suffering from a communications gap. The M's say no. Which leads us to conclude that they just stink.

MLB players are a bunch of ethnocentric fags. 

Jeebus, man, isn't the whole snarky power rankings thing a little played by now?

Once and Again

Richie Sexson reproves the oldest of adages, "Richie Sexson is a clownfucker douche."  Way to charge the mound because of a pitch that was over the plate, fucknuts.  Bugs and Cranks has the video.  

The NFL doesn't have a drug problem

Or else they have employed the greatest P.R. staff ever assembled anywhere, anytime in the history of P.R.ing and covering things up. 

It's become a punchline

Two guys walk into a bar...one turns to the other and says, "I need a drink.  My mother just died."  "Shit," the other says.  "Barry Zito."

Hahahahahahahaha.  Hahahahahahahahahaha.  Oh, my sides.  

The joke is on us, Giants fans.  We've got how many more years of the Zito pyrotechnics experience?   Now the Giants are looking at sitting him for a start or maybe sending him to the bullpen.  Of course, what Zito offers won't work, nor will it help in the bullpen.  No speed.  Little control.  That seems like a bad combination.  

And now the Giants are faced with truly he worst contract in baseball.  I've been a Zito supporter, and was never on the ripping-the-Giants-for-his-contract bandwagon.  At the time, that's what the free agent market was producing and the Giants bit.  I was excited.  Sure they'd spent a lot of money, but this was Barry Zito; a Bay kid; never missed a start; innings eater; played the guitar.  Now, pluh.  Maybe he still plays the guitar.      

I don't hate Zito.  I would never boo a guy for playing like shit if he's truly efforting.  Fuck knows he's been working his ass off to tweak this or that in an effort to gain back an inch or two on his fastball; to hit his spots with consistency.  I'm not a psychologist or a pitching coach.  I made five appearances in college and ended up with an ERA over 7.  But, my suggestion, as I'm sure Dave Righetti's must be, is just stop thinking about everything and pitch.  Zito is a golfer who's lost his natural swing.  Who ever thought Barry Zito would have become a head-case?

If Tim Lincecum played in New York...

Maybe his win last night would have been noticed east of Denver.  As it is, Lincecum's outdueling Chris Young to improve to 4-0, taking over the strikeout lead with 36, and lowering his ERA to 1.23 gets no love on ESPN.com's headlines, nor even on its baseball page headlines.  I generally don't waste time looking at the site or worrying about the network's lackluster approach to legitimate news.  But fucking come on.  Joba's first loss?  The Orioles beating the Mariners?  It's a small sample size, but the dude has become one of the best pitchers in baseball.  Can you imagine the reaction if he were doing what he's doing in Boston?  New York?  Fucking Atlanta or Florida for that matter?  You'd think he'd have at least gotten a mention.  Fuck, I know it's not about newsworthiness anymore.  I know it's a high school paper.  Fuck, though.  I mean fucking fuck.  Yes, I know.  Ripping on ESPN for its overwhelmingly and generally accepted East-coast bias is a bit, I don't know, boring and played.  But to call the network simply biased toward the East is inaccurate.  ESPN's eyes are glued to the east coast, but it's odd the things on which the network seems to focus.  Wait, no it's not.  Ratings.  Hits.  Page views.  Yes, that's it.  I understand now.  So I guess we'll watch Lincecum toil in that American Sports Siberia that is Northern California, making baseball history along the way, while ESPN "reports" on the "news" that is the state of Joba Chamberlain's soul or David Ortiz's cankles or Carlos Delgado's spot in the order.          

Thursday Night TV

Last night's '30 Rock' was amazing.  I'd put the episode in my top 10 episodes of anything ever.

As for 'Lost?'  Ben is fucking rad.  Ahhh, the transition from being despised to loved.  How did that happen?  It's nice that the suspicions or questions we've all had about Ben's connection to the black smoke, Jacob's connection to the black smoke, the black smoke's connection to the island, and Widmore's connection to Ben, are becoming more clear.  It seems like things move fast in the world of 'Lost' these days.  The entire first season could have been included in last night's episode.  Now it's like a whole lot of shit happens every single episode.  Thank God. 

I've lost interest in 'My Name is Earl.'  A buddy was over last night and asked, "Is he still in a coma?"  I guess.  Really, I didn't get into it last night which I think says something about how compelling it all seemed.   

Kobe back in the Rockies; Female front desk clerks buy chastity belts

Great, great, great post on one of the greatest blogs going: With Leather discusses Kobe Bryant's LOOK AT MEEEE!! party last night against the Nuggets.

Sure, he may be the MVP of the league this year (although I would vote for Chris Paul, and not just because of spite), but he's also the undisputed Biggest Cocksmoke of Them All award winner. Read the post on With Leather, then watch the video. Or, watch the video, then read the post. The order doesn't really matter, I suppose.



Dickhead.

What can you buy with $66.85 million?

A whole lot of over-the-hill, injured, or over-the-hill AND injured baseball players. That is, if your name is Brian Sabean and you think statisticians are just a bunch of nerds that don't know anything about baseball. According to ESPN.com, here are the top-10 Giants salaries for 2008:

1. Barry Zito: $14.5 million
2. Aaron Rowand: $9.6 million
3. Randy Winn: $8.9 million
4. Ray Durham: $7.5 million
5. Dave Roberts: $6.5 million
6. Bengie Molina: $6.2 million
7. Omar Vizquel: $5.0 million
8. Rich Aurilia: $4.5 million
9. Noah Lowry: $2.5 million
10. Brad Hennessey: $1.6 million

In total, these fabulous 10 players, all with meager to below average VORP numbers, comprise $66.85 million of the Giants' $76.1 million payroll. Unreal.

Back to reality

It was messy that Wednesday, my friends.  Brandon Webb made your 2008 Giants looks like swinging piles of goo.  

There were highlights, like Eugenio's double in the fourth, Bowker keeps hitting, and...and.  

The lowlights were plentiful.  Bocock error.  Three k's in the first.  Jose Castillo.  The continued dismissal of Aurilia's career.  And on.  And on.  

But I'd rather watch these Giants than those Giants.  Even last year's.  I'll take the kids and 130 losses before the geezers, no hope, and 124.  I've said this all before.  I'm just tired.              

Woody's World looks f-ing creepy

I'm sure most of the MHR readers, with our once-in-a-while focus on the incomprehensible Woody Paige, have seen the "Woody's World" box on the top of the Denver Post's sports page.  There's a picture of Paige, on camera, pontificating.  The view, of course, is really why anyone knows who Woody Paige is.  But this time he's speaking to no one.  No "Around the Horn" duels with Pageturd or J.A. Adande.  Just Woody, talking at you, the fan.  

I clicked in the box once, and watched thirty seconds of video before becoming physically ill.  The beauty of a good columnist/writer is that you'd never know they were writing for you, to you, or at you.  For all you know, they'd be writing what they write if no one were ever going to read what's been put in print or online.  Paige, though, doesn't feel that way.  Not only is he afforded a nonsensical column, but he's favored a video as well in order to get himself at you to name drop and spit crackers while he talks.  "All Paige, All the Time," reads the subtext under the "Post"'s banner.  

Now, as I say, I've only made it thirty seconds into a Paige Post clip, and he could use the forum to talk about Special Olympics triumphs or kids that get good grades, but it's unlikely.  And really, I'm just creeped out by the thing being called "Woody's World."  I can't help visualizing some crazy, abandoned third-rate amusement park in which the caretaker can't come to grips with the dilapidated nature of his place.  Ceramic clowns with tattered clothes and eyes that move back and forth; a little dog dressed in a tutu; empty popcorn bags drifting across your path; lots of shadows.  In all I guess I imagine a waaaaaaay less fun Pee Wee's Playhouse.  

So what's my point?  Nothing.  Woody Paige just either seems like he wants weird or batshit crazy to be his schtick, or he is really weird and/or batshit crazy.          

Just to be clear, Jeff Pearlman is a slimy douche

I was saddened to see that the ever dick-sucky and slithering Jeff Pearlman was favored a Will Clark-bashing post on Deadspin.  Sad.  You know Pearlman.  In pictures and video of athletes being interviewed, he's the one that's just a hand holding a microphone.  You can't see his face.  Just a hand and a microphone.  He's the guy who gets up in the morning and tells his wife, "I'm going to be a man and make my money today by writing about how fat David Wells is," or, "I'm going to be a man and make money today by writing about how much of a bad guy John Rocker is."  He's made a whole career off of two lackluster bits in S.I., in which he was as much a part of the story as the subject.  He's ripped Barry Bonds for wearing #42 on Jackie Robinson Day. Nothing this clown ever writes is distinguishable from that written by an eleventh-grade journalism student.  A bad one.  One who only got into the class because his grandpa is the Assistant Superintendent and he needs a C- to be accepted into Douchebag Junior College.  Now it appears he's written a book on the Dallas Cowboys of the 1990's.  Provocative.  Something about Michael Irvin and cocaine?  Nate Newton?  Maybe a nugget about ladies and postgame festivities?  

So I don't give a fuck what Jeff Pearlman has to say about Will Clark.          

Hey, remember when 'Moneyball' was a failed concept?

And the A's were 9-5 with the best record in the AL anyway?  Yeah, that was crazy.  

Of course, when Jeremy Brown decided to retire, most all the Moneyball haters -of which there are seemingly many- cited it, him, as evidence that the concepts employed by Billy Beane -"Moneyball," they call it, like Beane and his cronies worship a religion called "Moneyball," kneeling under a giant open calculator- an utter failure.  All this despite the success of Theo Epstein and the Boston Red Sox; despite the A's contending year after year, with 2007 representing an aberration.  

But the hate has never really been about the concepts the A's and Red Sox and others use to evaluate talent in an effort to build a better team.  It's about not understanding VORP and ERA+ and EqA.  It's about not wanting to accept or even acknowledge those ideas.  Like ERA and RBI's and BA and how "clutch" a guy is and gold gloves won are all one needs to know baseball.  Never mind a columnist blasting "Moneyball" and its newfangled stats will use ERA and RBI's and other stats.  They'll say computers ruin the game.  All you really need to enjoy baseball is beer and dogs.  But I guess rather than just enjoying baseball however they want -with a beer and a dog or whatever- they have to make sure everyone is enjoying the game the same way.  Don't let numbers get in the way of your baseball.  Their baseball, I mean.  But here's the thing.  When I go to the park, I drink beer and eat shit.  Lots of shit.  I took my kid to his first game the other day and we had garlic fries, chicken strips, a dog, cotton candy, two sodas, and I had two beers.  I had a good time, and so did he.  And.  And I lamented Rich Aurilia's OBP.  The "Moneyball" ideas add to my enjoyment of the game, shockingly.  

The A's are 9-5, which means they've got the best record in the AL.  The team "Moneyball" created has failed the haters who thought this season in A's history was going to be a blogger-hating, nerd-bashing, calculator-crunching victory lap.  It may be still.  The A's are 14 games in and could tank the rest of the way.  But for now, shut the fuck up "Moneyball" cherrypicking douchefucks.  The A's are winning and "Moneyball" works.                 

Out of the cellar and into the streets!

Your 2008 San Francisco Giants are, wait...just saying it gets me a little teary...not...not in...last place.  Phew, I did it.  

What have we learned?  Hopefully that the team that played like shit against Los Angeles and Milwaukee is gone, banished to the depths of baseball oblivion where light-hitting .200 hitters are passed as every day starters.  These Giants, these 5-3 since that crummy start Giants, really have no starters in the traditional sense.  Okay, Rowand, maybe and Winn, definitely, but the rest of the pieces are, nay, must be interchangeable.  The injuries to Roberts and Rowand have opened spots with which Bochy can experiment, starting Bowker and Lewis in right and left and slotting Lewis in at leadoff with desired results.  Ortmeier and Velez get their turns, and we've seen that an on-base Velez changes the game.  I think it's telling that Velez went in for Durham on a double switch.  No way that happens if the manager believes it's essential to have Durham out there, as has been the case over his Giants tenure.  Maybe it demonstrates that Bochy realizes everyone's interchangeable on this team.  That's what we've really hoped for, right?  We knew our complaints to get Durham and Roberts and Aurilia out of the lineup were falling on deaf ears, knowing full well that Bochy and Sabean weren't going to out and out sit the three guys with pictures of the manager and GM getting it on in Bonds' old locker.  So Durham being recognized and used more like the role player he is spells success for us and these Giants.  Amazingly, Aurilia is still in there every day.  But these things take time, and change will come.  It has to.  

This is working a little right now, having less to do with some mythical and nonsensical feeling like 'momentum' or a 'vibe' or 'it,' having everything to do with playing good baseball in which guys get on base, pitchers get guys out, and everyone catches the ball.  Woofuckinghoo.  But Roberts is coming back.  Lowry is coming back.  Will it still work?  Well no, not if Bochy regresses and Roberts is anointed the everyday left fielder, trotted out there without fail to hit .227 and OBPing .301.  Lowry?  Who knows.  The Giants only sport one soft-tosser in the rotation right now, and that's not really flying.  Lowry's got better command than Zito though, and his stuff might be better at this point too.  But Sadly, Correia or Sanchez, the guys with the filthiness, are headed to the 'pen. 

We shall enjoy this while it lasts.  The two-weeks-from-now Giants are going to look a lot more OmarRobertsLowryish than this group. 

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiwwwwwwww

Oh My God...

Hoooooooooo Boy...

Hide the women and children...

I don't even know what to say... other than she could be a first round pick in this month's NFL draft. The 49ers could use a left tackle.

Serena Williams, ladies and gentlemen (of note -- the 90-year-old gold sweeper running away like he just saw Godzilla):

Obama is an elitist

And HillDog is an alcoholic. Just calling a spade a spade.

And she took a shot of Crown Royal... A CANADIAN whiskey?!?! Jesus. She doesn't even support the hard-working whiskey producers of our country?!?! Well, surely she's gonna just NAFTA all of the Jack Daniels distilleries to Mexico and Canada if she's elected!

I hate this part of politics. Hate it.

Let's get back to talking about things that matter, Hillary, mmmkay? I realize it's your last attempt to drive a wedge in between Obama and voters, but it's, you know, kinda late for that, don't you think? On the other hand, she would make an excellent VP candidate for McCain at this rate. The mere thought is enough to give Rush Limbaugh an epileptic seizure.

Offensive Juggernaut

The answer all along was getting Ray Durham and Dave Roberts out of the lineup - duh.  Is John Bowker the baseball reincarnation of Will Clark and Roy Hobbs?  Definitely, yes.  Can he be counted on to continue his hot streak?  Definitely, yes.  My prediction?  Bowker will make us all forget about Barry Bonds, finishing the year with 63 bombs, winning the MVP, ROY and Nobel Prize in baseball studliness.  Put it in the bank.

Tim Lincecum.  That's all.       

It's worrying that Bruce Bochy seems to use the same relievers every night.  Of the team's thirteen games, Jack Taschner has pitched in nine and Walker and Valdez have seven appearances each.  Taschner is on pace for a mid-July dead-arm DL trip.  

The secret of my delinquency

I took the kid to his first game on Saturday.  Giants/Cards, Cain/Pujols and nosebleeds.  The Giants, desperately needing to fill AT&T Park, were running $11 specials in the view reserves.  So there you go.  Not interested in paying $30 for parking at the stadium, nor dealing with San Francisco game-traffic, we took the ferry across the Bay.  Much, much easier and enjoyable.  Especially for the kid.  As I expected would happen, we only spent two innings in our seats and spent the bulk of the rest of the game waiting in lines and walking from one side of the park to the other.  But the kid had a good time, riding the slides, hitting in the little kids' field behind the right field bleachers, and eating a shitload of junk.  

Not actually spending much of the day watching the game allowed me a chance at people watching, and I'll tell you this; AT&T Park has got to be the home of the douchebag.  And they've all seemingly got hot girlfriends.  I mean what the fuck kind of world is this?  Jesus.  It was like some douchebaggery hot-spot.  Is it possible the universe conspired with itself to collect every dumbfuck that looks like every other dumbfuck in the Bay Area to get them to the game?  Oh, shit.  I was there.  What does that mean?  Seriously though, it had to be like "I'm-trying-to-look-like-the-guy-on-the-sailboat-in-the-Polo-ad-I-saw-in-GQ douchebag heritage day."  Something.  

Anyhoo-

-As I chased the kid around the stadium, I couldn't help but become aware that Cain had a no-no going for a while.  When he hit the bomb, I knew the game was fucked because a guy pitching a no-hitter and hitting a home run in the same game can't happen for a Giant.  He got a nice ovation after giving up a hit in the 7th.  

-John Bowker's first ML hit was a line-drive up the middle, and aside from hitting one out in your first at-bat, I can't imagine a better way to get things going.  An excellent way to build on that would be to hit on out in your second AB, which he did.  Geeyah.  

-I stood behind the bleachers with the kid on my shoulders just in time and just long enough to watch Tyler Walker revert to the 2005 version of himself.  The bullpen has been so good, but ate a huge shit on Saturday.

-We watched the 9th and 10th from under the wall in right.  Awesome.

We don't do a lot of linking to other blogs here at MHR*, which we admit is somewhat sinful.  We read other blog posts, yet generally enjoy them solo.  That said, please read the 4/10 post over at FJM, entitled, "Heady Days.".  It is, undoubtedly, in the all-time top 3 FJM posts debate.  At some point when my kid can read, I will have him read it.  Jim Armstrong at AOL presents an argument from 1998, and the ever-fabulous Ken Tremendous has a good time.   

*Fuck, the guy who's supposed to scour the blogosphere in the morning for links has been missing for like three months.  I'm more worried about our links than why I haven't heard from him and why his mother calls me crying about his disappearance.