What is "Norv" short for?

posted by BH

As a life-long Forty-Niners fan, I was bummed three years ago when Dennis Erickson took the helm and did away with the West Coast offense (WCO). Last year, when Mike Nolan took over and, along with Mike McCarthy, reinserted the WCO in San Francisco, I was, needless to say after two years on the Erickson experiment, overjoyed. Now, with McCarthy's departure, the Niners have hired two-time NFL head coach Norv Turner as the new offensive coordinator. We all know what Turner did in Dallas, and he has been successful in other coordinator positions along the way. I think he will be successful in San Fran, yet doubts remain because of the last time the Niners abandoned the WCO. Evidently, Turner's offense is easier to understand than the WCO, which is good news for Alex Smith, but doesn't that mean it's easier for defenses to break down? Part of the beauty of the WCO is that, once run well, or even adequately, it is an efficient, almost unstoppable offense.

History suggests that Turner is going to be successful in San Francisco. Everyone points to Turner creating a Hall of Famer in Troy Aikman. Aikman credits Turner with getting the Cowboys to the Super Bowl. We'll see. I would love to see nothing more than a powerful Niner team in the future. I'm just going to miss the Niner trademark that is the WCO, even if it would have taken another season to be grasped.

Link of the Day

by SonDog

So, George Clooney and David Soderbergh are teaming up with the Sacramento Kings' owners (Joe and Gavin Maloof) to create a new NBA-based comedy for HBO. I've been begging for this type of show for years (and the fact that Vlade Divac is in discussions to be one of the lead actors just eclipses every level of high comedy), but I think I have a better idea for the Maloof Brothers. What I would like to see is Jack Bauer from 24 locked in a room with the brothers Maloof. The following dialogue would then take place:

Jack: ARE YOU MOVING THE KINGS TO VEGAS?!?!?!?!

Maloof Brothers: We, um, we don't know what you're, um, talking about... I mean...

Jack: ANSWER ME, DAMNIT, BEFORE I AM FORCED TO KILL YOU WITH THIS PAPER CLIP!!!

Maloof Brothers: But, we love the city of Sacramento...

Jack: YOU'RE LYING TO ME!!! I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE WHO LIE TO ME!!!!

Maloof Brothers: Hey, have you ever been to our Palms casino? You know we have an entire pool area dedicated to Playboy?

Jack: YES!!

Maloof Brothers: Would you like to go right now?

Jack: YES!!

More from Porter

posted by BH

If man were able to make a machine that spouted out nothing but beautiful, sweet sounding poetry, it's lone goal in life would become finding Joey Porter and cutting out his tongue. That would be poetic.

"I felt they were cheating us. When the interception happened, everybody in the world knew that was an interception. Don't cheat us that bad. When they did that, they really want Peyton Manning and these guys to win the Super Bowl. They are just going to straight take it for them. I felt that they were like 'We don't even care if you know we're cheating. We're cheating for them.' "
Damn dude, I try to make up quotes for people all the time, but I at least try to make them funny. You're just coming across as belligerent and angry. And you just won! So really, you had such confidence in your defensive abilities as a team, that when Indy retained possession at something like their own 45 and the score was 21-10, you thought the officials , at that point, had the ability to win the game for Indy?

"The way the refs were going, I wouldn't have trusted them in overtime," Porter told the Pittsburgh Post Gazette. "If we hadn't won, they would have cheated us in overtime."
It really isn't clear whether he said these things immediately after the game or today, but either way, it's crazy for someone on the winning team to go on and on about.

A Must-add DVD for any Serious Movie Collector

Check out the link on the right to "Best DVD in the WORLD." I highly recommend you go buy this DVD today. The fact that it features a good buddy of BH and myself has absolutely no bearing into why I think this could possibly be the best movie produced in the history of your life.

Quoting Roger Ebert's review, "Actor Steve Boatright's portrayal of a Weapons Officer could put him in the early lead for the 2006 'Best Supporting Actor' category. This role could easily catapult Boatright's young acting career into the Norton, Pitt, Farrell category of A-list movie actors. Ladies are sure to instantly fall in love with him. If you remember anything throughout the remainder of your life, remember to buy this movie today."

Bullet the Blue Sky

Seriously, why did Vick feel the need to pack heat to McDonalds? His reasoning of, "You never know when some brotha' is gonna try to jack yo mcnuggets," didn't really make much sense. In addition, do you think Clarett just woke up that afternoon and said, "My career is in shambles. I feel like robbin' a guy today just to put the last nail in the coffin that is my career."

The fourth Boofy...

posted by BH

...Goes to Joey Porter, who is an idiot.

Referring to an overturned interception call that went in Indy's favor yesterday, Porter said
"I know they wanted Indy to win this game; the whole world loves Peyton Manning," Porter said. "But come on, man, don't take the game away from us like that."
Come on you darn ref. Don't go back and look at replay for all the fans at home and in the stadium to see and make a decision based on evidence you've seen on that video, risking your credibility as an official, in order to give the ball back to Indy. I can just imagine the conversation that had to take place between Tagliabue and the referee. "If there's a questionable interception call that gets challenged, call it in Indy's favor. I know, you might look like an idiot, but the whole world wants Peyton to win this game. Yeah, I know. But who cares what Joey Porter says. He'll be angry even if they win."

Also, "the world" loves Peyton Manning? Even some guy in India who's never heard of football?

Later he said,
"The world wanted Indy to win so bad, they were going to do whatever they had to do, man," Porter claimed. "It was like the 9-1-1 year, when they wanted the [New England] Patriots to win it for the world ... At a point, I didn't think the refs were going to let us get out of here with a victory."
I like five things about this paragragh. 1) He says "refs," when there's only one on the field. 2) He says nine. one. one. which is really, really dumb. 3) He blames the 2002 championship game loss on "they," who I can only think is the NFL, and their desire to make people feel good after a national tragedy. It's funny then, that the NFL couldn't successfully win this game for Indy. 4) He says "the world" again when, really, Tony Blair and my Grandma don't give a shit. 5) Did "they" or "the refs" fumble the football at the goalline for Pittsburgh? Because that's kind of why you were in a position to lose the football game.

I feel so bad that it's taken me this long to discover the nonsensical ramblings of Joey Porter.

This and That

by SonDog

-- If I were to believe everything I read in most newspapers, ESPN.com, FOXSports.com, the New York Times, et. al, and had I had a spare $10,000 laying around before this weekend, I probably would have put that sum on a two-team parlay in Vegas. The bet would have been that New England and Indianapolis would be playing for the AFC Championship game in Indianapolis next Sunday.

According to most media outlets, conventional wisdom was that you could not bet against the Pats until Brady and Belichick actually lost a playoff game. Conventional wisdom theorized that the Colts were due for a date with the Super Bowl. Conventional wisdom also explained that the NFL was not going to allow anything but New England vs. Indy to happen.

In what is nothing short of high comedy, conventional wisdom turned out to have all the wisdom of a 107-year-old with an advanced case of Alzheimer's.

Instead of the presumed matchup of Peyton Manning vs. New England, we have what should be a highly-entertaining AFC Championship game next Sunday in Denver between the Steelers and Broncos. The Broncos proved during their rout that they have one of the best defenses in football. Jake Plummer also proved that he has matured and achieved a Zen-like state of calm since the beginning of his career. For fans like Steve who watched the Broncos through the entire season, this wasn't that big of a surprise. For journalists like Gene Wojciechowski and everybody else over at ESPN (remember, these were the guys who touted Tom Brady as the league's MVP), the game was so shocking that it necessitated articles belittling the Broncos' victory.

Hi, I'm Gene. I, like my colleagues at the worldwide leader, don't beleive any teams west of the Mississippi deserve any respect

In Indy, the Steelers executed a fantastic game plan to perfection in shutting down the NFL's most potent offense. This, of course, was due in part to the howitzer-sized shell they dodged in the last two minutes.

The prediction here is that Denver pounds Pittsburgh next Sunday, as Jake Plummer finally silences his critics and leads the Broncos to Detroit.

-- I really hope an irate fan (or an irate former front desk agent) jumps out on the court one of these days and pulls a Nancy Kerrigan on Kobe Bryant. How can anybody root for this guy? With each 40-plus performance (and 30-plus shot evenings), Kobe slithers closer and closer to the designation of "biggest ball-hog in the history of basketball." When Kobe actually does pass the rock, the look of absolute disgust on his face when a teammate misses a shot that could have led to an assist is downright hysterical. At this point, I'm not sure what job coach Phil Jackson has on the sidelines. But, if I were making $10 million a year, and I had already written a book in which I slammed Kobe for being "utterly uncoachable"(that's a paraphrase), I guess I wouldn't care much either.

The tape on his right hand is from an attempt to rip off the superglue that's been there most of the season.

-- In Sacramento, it appears that the ship that is this season is lost somewhere between Indiana and Serbia, and I am wondering how good of a draft pick they will get in the 2006 draft. The main problem right now is that aside from Adam Morrison of Gonzaga and Rudy Gay of Connecticut, there aren't really any college players separating themselves. It could be somewhat of a weak draft, which would be somewhat fitting. And yes, in case you're wondering, I still watch every Kings game. Usually I'm four or five whiskeys deep by the third quarter, so I don't get too irate about losses to teams like Charlotte, New Orleans and Portland, and I'm usually yelling things like, "Gimmie more Ronnie Price!"

-- Day 5 of 24 starts tonight. Without question or debate (and with apologies to BH and other fans of Lost) 24 is the best show on TV. Even if you've never seen a season, you should start watching tonight. Trust me, you will make Jack very happy and you will not be sorry.

How can one man have so many bad 24 hour periods in his life? Just try not to think about that.

Fantasy Sports News

If you participate in fantasty sports, whether it be football, basketball, baseball or underwater basket weaving, you might want to read this story on CNN.com. The ruling has the potential to effect all 16 million of us that enjoy winning money in these leagues.

Wojciechowski: Bronco fan

posted by BH

If you get a chance, check out Gene Wojciechowski's latest offering on ESPN.com. It becomes clear rather quickly that Wojciechowski holds some bitterness towards the Broncos. At the end of paragraph one, he pokes fun at Jake Plummer's beard. This coming from a guy that looks like Anthony Edwards' ugly cousin (not when he was Goose, but when he was Dr. Green and dying of cancer). In the next sentence he says his feelings about the Broncos isn't personal. He twice writes that it's nothing personal.

In order to prove his point that the Broncos don't belong in the championship game, he writes:
I'm not saying the Broncos didn't take advantage of the Patriot screw-ups. They did. Twenty-four of their 27 points came after New England turnovers. But it's not like the Broncos had to go far for those points.
First touchdown drive: One play, one yard.
First field goal drive: Four plays, seven yards.
Second touchdown drive: One play, one yard.
Third touchdown drive: Three plays, 15 yards.
This is meaningless, stupid, shit. They didn't have far to go, and they cashed in. It's like blaming a baseball team for taking advantage of the other team's errors.

He does his best to diminish the Bronco win, calling it a baby step, as though next weekend they'll be in the "AFC Not Quite Championship Game," rather than the real thing.
Of course, there were hugs and handshakes after the win. Broncos defensive tackle Gerard Warren kept saying he'd go "any place, anywhere, anytime" for the AFC championship.
"We're trying to go to a Super Bowl," he said. "We're one step closer now."
A baby step closer, that's it.
No, they're as close as whoever wins the Indy/Pittsburgh game.

"Um, Candace? Who the hell are you cheering for?"

When a picture is worth a thousand words... Maybe she was just rooting for the over.

Pittsburgh's Joey Porter...

posted by BH

...thinks play calling is dumb.

"They don't want to just sit there, line up and play football," Porter told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. "They want to try to catch you off guard. They don't want to play smash-mouth football, they want to trick you. ... They want to catch you substituting. Know what I mean? They don't want to just call a play, get up there and run a play. They want to make you think. They want it to be a thinking game instead of a football game."

He called Edgerrin James' 124 yards in the November matchup a "cheap 100," and said the Colts couldn't line up and run straight at the Steelers defense.

"I don't think they outhit us," Porter told the paper. "If they would have outhit us, they would have just lined up, and they wouldn't have done all the audibles every play. If you want to outhit us, line up and play football. That's when you outhit us. Line up, you get your people, we got our eight men in the box, run the ball."

I hope Porter's a coach someday. It will be awesome to see his guys run a draw play each time. That way he can have a bunch of guys who won't have to think. Even if they lose, they'll be the team that outhits the other team. I'm sure that will keep earning him a paycheck.

One more "LOST" tidbit

posted by BH

Evidently, there had been some question about whether or not Eko and Charlie got the words right to Psalm 23. Seeing how Eko is a Catholic, he recited it from the King James Version. Correctly, it seems.