posted by BH
I was extra inspired by today's first Pardon The Interruption topics since they're so, you know, topical.
Vince Young scores a 6 on the Wonderlic- Wow, that's really low, and in fact combine officials have said it's not true. But did you see him in the Rose Bowl? I don't care if the guy walked into the room, crapped on the test, then handed it in. I'd still take him. Based on the Wunderlic, Dan Marino's retarded and he turned out to have a pretty good career. Having said that though, I was on a treadmill this morning in the midst of mile six when Sportscenter put up a sample question that I got right in two seconds.
Buck O'Neil not elected to the Hall of Fame- That's crazy. I know like four names from the Negro Leagues, and Buck O'Neil is one of them. He's the guy that tells us all stories from Negro League days. HE'S IN EVERY DOCUMENTARY EVER DONE ABOUT THE NEGRO LEAGUES!! Doesn't it say something that baseball people today are talking about that O'Neil didn't get in rather than those who have?
Steinbrenner's pissed about the WBC- An angry old fart is upset because he thinks this is the Yankees' year, and his bet is that someone's going to get hurt (does anyone think he's worried about anyone other than Yankees?). How does anything this guy ever says make it in the news. At some point, wouldn't it be more beneficial for the media to start just keeping guys with him constantly, a la Pedro Gomez, so we could all know what he thinks of Raisin Bran, Puffs Plus with aloe, and driving in the right lane?
Iverson not invited to compete with Team USA- This is insane. He was the only guy I really remember from two years ago that actually looked like he cared about winning. I'll take Iverson on that team before any other guy in the NBA.
Now, I'm not an NBA fan. I don't think I've watched a total of two minutes of any NBA basketball this year. I like the numbers, but games bore the shit out of me. Yet, I can't help but notice the train wreck that is the New York Knicks. They're bordering on being labelled the worst run team in sports. At least the Clippers had sucked for a long time on the cheap.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
PTI: MHR Version
Friday, February 24, 2006
What Was that Noise?
by SonDog
That resounding thud you heard was the sound of the Kings falling flat on their face last night at the Staples Center. The LA Mambas thoroughly outplayed them and made Sac look like a team that wasn't ready for the game. I have nothing to add about the game, but I'm expecting Stapes, DMo, OZ and whomever else watched that game to post a comment with their thoughts on the debacle.
In other news, the Kings traded Brian Skinner for Sergei Monia and Vitaly Nogameatalltko. Personally, I wanted Monia's Portland teammate Viktor Khryapa (pronounced CRRAPpa) instead. Not because he's a better shooter, but because it would have been great to say during garbage minutes, "Hey, it's Khryapa time!" Alas, we usher in the Monia era and usher out the Skinner-era.
My favorite memory of Skinner will forever be OZ's scouting report of him before the season, which went something along the lines of, "Brian Skinner is a game-altering presence off the bench." The words "Brian Skinner" and "game-altering" should never be used in the same sentence.
Steve Phillips Update
posted by BH
At this point, by my count it looks like Steve Phillips is 10 for 49 in predicting where free agents would land in the offseason. That's .204. The ones he got right included Trevor Hoffman resigning with the Padres, Bob Wickman going back to Cleveland, and Kenji Johjima signing in Seattle. In other words, no-brainers. With Roger Clemens looking less and less like he's going to retire, Phillips could slip to .200. Awesome.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Western Conference Playoff Preview
by SonDog
Not to sound like Charles Barkley, but first of all, I've decided that I want theme music playing when I walk into the office in the morning. You know how a ball park will play music of a player's choice when he strides to home plate? Yeah. Well, first of all, I've decided that I want Linkin Park playing when I walk into my office in the morning because, first of all, it really gets my day going. First of all.
Here's my unscientific review/preview of the 12 teams left that have a viable shot or a guaranteed lock for a Western Conference Playoff spot (And John, sorry about Houston):
(12) Minnesota Timberwolves -- Before the season, I couldn't realistically predict that KG would allow Minny to slip again. The guy is just too damned good. However, in the games that I've seen Minny play this year, something stands out about Garnett. It's as if the losing has sucked the life out of him. While he's still putting up great numbers, he just seems to be going through the motions.
It's kind of like Robert DeNiro since his epic year of 1995 (Heat and Casino). Since then, he annualy has an All-Star movie (Jackie Brown in 1997, Ronin in '98, Meet the Parents in 2000, etc.), but every year he is surrounded by so much other crap (Analyze This, Analyze That, Flawless, The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle -- which draws undeniable parallels to KG's Adventures of Spree and Cassell -- 15 Minutes, Showtime, and on and on.) that it is impossible for him to get back to that next level until he decides to sack up, only accept a starring role in a sure-fire Oscar film, and focus all his will and energy into earning Oscars for him and his co-stars in every category. Like Bob, KG needs a reason to be motivated again. I don't see that happening this year. They will make a run at the playoffs, but they won't get there.
(11) Golden State Warriors -- They're almost as dead as my prediction that they would be the sixth seed in the West. What a terrible, terrible tragedy. I feel so sorry for every die-hard Warriors fan about this. I really thought this was the year they would get back to the playoffs. I don't know if GM Chris Mullin started drinking again, but he probably should.
(10) Sacramento Kings -- Ron Artest has transformed this team. With each game, I feel more and more confident that they are going to make the playoffs at the expense of either LA, NO or Memphis. But I've already talked about that. In fact, I talk about them all the time, so let me change the subject for a minute...
Between the San Francisco Giants, San Francisco 49ers and Sacramento Kings (Oakland A's, Oakland Raiders, Warriors as well), Northern California sports fans have had a rough go of it over the last year or so. In fact, the last NorCal team to make the playoffs was the Kings from last year. That Kings team A) Wasn't very good and B) doesn't remotely resemble the team on the floor today. Anyways, I have high hopes for the Giants this year, and I see promise with the 49ers, but damnit I need a team to do some damage in the playoffs and soon! If the Kings don't help me out here, I may spiral into one of the greatest sports depressions of my life. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
(9) Utah Jazz -- Carlos Boozer is back. Which means... so are the jokes about him stabbing a blind Cavs owner in the back when he bailed on a handshake agreement two years ago! Wow, those jokes just never get old! I still feel sorry for Cleveland in that one. I mean, it's sad that Gordon Gund couldn't see right through Boozer. (laugh track) He was just blind-sided by it. (laugh track) I don't know, I guess you have to believe that Gordon Gund just never saw that coming. (laugh track). He just lacked the ability to foresee Boozer's betrayal. (laugh track)
Side note: Most of those come directly from an email exchange between OZ and I right after Boozer showed to the world that he doesn't like handicapped people. I would like to thank OZ for somehow remembering the jokes of ill-taste. And I would also like to tell him that it was a great move to go home and say to the wife, "SonDog and I ripped on a blind man all day." Which led to the inevitable response of, "You guys are disgusting."
For the Jazz, well, they lost to Boston last night... by 20... at home. The Kings are only 1/2 game behind them at the moment. They can be had.
(8) Los Angeles Mambas -- Hey, have you heard that nobody in the NBA was affected more from Hurricane Katrina than the Mamba? Really, it's true. I saw it on TNT, then I read about it here, and in my favorite newspaper, the San Francisco Chronicle, here.. and I even found it in Spanish! He even mentions it in his own words, here! Wow, what a guy. I gotta tell ya, what a guy. He in no way suffers from a crippling lack of sincerity or utter lack of believability. In no way do the stories seem calculated or generated from the Mamba's PR machine.
According to OZ: "When we have to refer to Charles Barkley as, "The voice of reason", there are some major issues that need to be addressed. His actions as a poser and apparent absence of anything remotely resembling remorse have escalated my general feeling of him to complete revulsion. Pretending he cares about the victims of Katrina is a crime against humanity. Would he have done a single thing if the cameras weren't there or if nobody wrote about it? Hell no. Why do you think the cameras were there in the first place? Somebody who is really affected by such a tragedy doesn't take the time to organize a camera crew."
(7) Memphis Grizzlies -- Whatever. They're not going past the first round.
(6) New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets -- Look, they started a guy by the name of Vrohman last night, and he's not even European. I mean, that should tell you something. I don't know what, exactly. But something. The guy's from Laguna Beach.
On another note, Byron Scott and Chris Paul have done amazing jobs this year. Nobody, and I mean nobody, could honestly sit here today and say they predicted the Hornets to play this well and be in the driver's seat for the playoffs with 30 games left. That being said, Paul is due to hit a rookie wall (I also said he would suck, so what the hell do I know), and when he does, the Hornets will slide. They will be lucky to hold on to the number 8 seed.
(5) Los Angeles Clippers -- Los Angeles just signed Vin Baker, and I didn't just pull that out of my ass. Wait... seriously, Vin Baker?
Isn't this the sports equivalent of Lost hiring Gary Busey for a supporting role? Or the CBS Nightly News deciding to go with Pat O'Brien? What's next, the Jets hiring Joe Namath to be their quarterbacks coach? Why don't the Clippers just hire comedian Ron White to be their lead announcer while they're at it? Is Baker even allowed to converse in any way with 19-year-old Shaun Livingston at this point, without adult supervision? Did Elgin Baylor check to see if Baker was even sober? So many questions.
This is the type of mid-season signing that makes me feel like I could succeed as an NBA GM. You're telling me that there is such a dearth of big-men available, that the team with the fifth best record in the West has to resort to signing a guy who hasn't been sober since Bill Clinton's first term? Christ. If insobriety is a qualification for this team, then there's a strong chance that DMo and I will be manning the backcourt for the Clippers' summer-league team in August.
Soon to join the cast of Lost, no doubt.
The Clips are playing remarkably well this year, and as long as Cuttino Mobley and Sam Cassell stay healthy (and realize that their best chance of winning is to get the ball in Elton Brand's hands), they could be a force in the playoffs. That is, unless Baker decides to install his own keg in his locker.
(4) San Antonio Spurs -- Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili, Tony Parker and Eva Longoria make a formidable Fab Four to rival Detroit. Duncan's health is the key. This team hasn't clicked on all cylinders yet, but I believe they're still the best team in the West. The only question will be about health.
Speaking of Duncan, if San Antonio wins the championship this year, it will mark Duncan's fourth ring. That is exactly one more than Shaq or Kobe. Tim Duncan could go down as the most underrated player of all-time who was the best player in the league for a substantial period of time. That sentence was horribly composed, but you get the point. Absolutely nobody discusses this guy, and like Ed Harris in Enemy at the Gates, he's just a silent and deadly assassin.
(3) Denver Nuggets -- It appears certain that Earl Watson and Nene are on their way to Portland... I mean New York... I mean Atlanta... I mean Philly... I mean Sacramento... I mean Memphis... I mean Botswana. K-Mart is on his way out too. As is Voshon Lenard. Andre Miller has been rumored to be traded as well. Other than that, everything is just peachy in Denver. Just about the only guys safe are the ball-boy and Carmelo Anthony.
By the way, how could Anthony not make the All-Star team after carrying the Nuggs on his shoulders through the first half? Even with the hype, I think he's one of the most underrated players in the West at the moment. Nuggets fans are thrilled however, after his proclamation in the Denver Post of, "I'm a Nugget for life."
Chemistry, or lack thereof from non-stop trade rumors, will be their downfall. I see them losing in the first-round unless Anthony and Mr. Glass (Marcus Camby) go nuts for four games.
(2) Phoenix Suns -- I have tickets to see the Nuggets and the Suns in Phoenix in late March. I'll give a full report on them at that time. For now, I don't know how far they can go without a healthy Amare. And they're on crack if they think he's going to be healthy for this year's playoffs.
That being said, I had no idea Steve Nash would become Pete Havlicek-incarnate. He's hands-down the best point guard in the NBA, and should be a lock for his second consecutive MVP. Plus, at a Nuggs/Suns game in Denver last year, I watched as he gave one of the best ignoring jobs to a heckler I've ever seen.
Last April, LeseDog and I received a pair of tickets from one of my clients. The seats were four rows behind the Suns' bench. Just incredible. However, for the greater part of three quarters, some numbnuts behind us kept yelling, "Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve!! Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve!!," every time Nash came near the aforementioned Suns bench. (In the fist quarter, it was kind of comical. By the third quarter, I wanted to shove my 32 oz. Coors Light down this guy's throat, which I probably would have done had my ears not been bleeding.) At any rate, there was no way Nash could not hear this. Members of the Suns' bench kept looking up at this guy, in hopes that a simple acknowledgement by a pro player would shut him the hell up. It didn't, and he didn't. Kind of a pointless story, but it just gave me one more reason to like Nashty.
(1) Dallas Mavericks-- While they sit in first as of today, I'm not sold on Dallas. They need to prove to people that they can play defense in the playoffs, and they're going to have to go through San Antonio in the second-round to do it. Frankly, my dog Rocky has about as much of a chance of stopping Tim Duncan in a seven-game series as DeSagana Diop.
That being said, I love Dirk... He doesn't seem to take himself too seriously, and that is a quality that is rare in the NBA. A couple of years ago, a buddy sent me two pictures that I posted below. I have no idea who the guy in the front of the picture is (a friend of the friend who sent these picts), but the two clowns in the back are clearly Dirk and Steve Nash during a night at the bars. The bottom picture is Dirk doing his best imitation of Vin Baker. I find it hard not to root for Dirk.
This man (not the dude in the front) will try to lead Dallas to the championship.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
One more Wojo Bit
posted by BH
From a column about Sammy Sosa on February 17th:
He doesn't understand there is no dishonor in trying and failing. The dishonor comes when you don't try at all.
From today's piece about Bonds:
So Barry Bonds is going to hang up his cleats and violin after this season, eh? Good for him. Good for us.
If he's so tired of it all, so desperate to be forgotten, so embarrassed to wear a big league uni, then retire now. And don't let the clubhouse door hit you on the way out.
What?
I Get to Write About Baseball, Sort of
posted by BH
I'm on my way out the door, heading for Reno for the night. I thought I'd leave some thoughts on Gene Wojiechowski's latest flub. In it, he writes that Barry Bonds should just go away, for the good of the rest of us. It only makes sense since Bonds' playing for the Giants is truly making my back ache.
Bonds told USA Today on Sunday that he will retire at season's end, which must be why the birds are chirping a little louder, the sun is shining a little brighter, and the beer on tap tastes a little colder. This is like the Wicked Witch of the West throwing a bucket of water on herself.
Wow, Bonds has that much impact on your outlook on life? You know he plays baseball in San Francisco right? You're in Bristol? Bonds must really be a bad guy if he can affect the very nature of birds and beer.
"But I can still hit," the seven-time National League MVP said. "I can rake. I can hit a baseball."
He also can still whine, still pontificate, still act as if he'll be missed. He won't be.
I'll miss seeing his bombs. I'm kind of a fan of seeing great baseball, you know, kind of what Bonds provides. The words, eh. I won't miss that part, but let's not be confused Dr. Green. He is a good baseball player. You won't miss the chance to see something unbelieveable every time the guy steps to the plate? Like it or not, no other player creates the buzz Bonds does when he steps into the batter's box. I have a feeling lots of people will miss that buzz.
Bonds might not be beloved, which is no prerequisite for greatness, but his numbers produce jaw drops. He has eight 40-plus-home run seasons, including the record-breaking 73 homers in 2001. Along the way he has alienated fans, managers and teammates alike. He is crustier than a baked pie.
But he can hit a baseball. You have to give him that. The problem is, the shadow of steroid allegations follows him around as if he's Punxsutawney Phil. In this case, Bonds gets six more months, not six weeks, of questions about "did he," or "didn't he."
He's good, but he's mean. I get it. You write about his greatness, but are willing to forgoe seeing it because you think the guy's a jerk. Are you a baseball fan? Or captain of the Self-Righteous Alliance of Eastern Connecticut?
Yes, we know about Bonds' alleged steroid use and I'm glad you brought it up since I'd almost forgotten. In leiu of any real evidence, you and many others who simply want some reason to hate and discredit the guy keep talking about it. Now, MLB has a drug policy in place. A drug policy Bonds must adhere to if he's going to play baseball this season. What if he hits a home run every 7+ at-bats the way he did at the end of last season? Are you still going to talk about steroids?
"I'm clean, I've always been clean," Bonds told USA Today.
Yes, absolutely clean, except for the times he unknowingly used two designer steroid substances obtained from his trainer, who just happened to be convicted in the BALCO scandal. All this according to federal grand jury transcripts. Bonds has said he wasn't aware the substances were steroids.
All this according to illegally leaked federal grand jury transcripts. Sort of the steroids of journalism. If someone hadn't broken the law, you'd have nothing to put here.
Even if you believe Bonds -- and sorry, I don't -- he doesn't make it easy to root for him. If you're a San Francisco fan you root for his health (he lasted only 14 games in 2005), you root for that Haagen-Dazs-sweet swing of his, and you root for him to lead the Giants to the franchise's first World Series championship since 1954. But do you root for Bonds the person?
No, I root for any guy in a Giants uni, because I want the Giants to win. Is there a prerequisite that says a team must only be made up of good guys?
Frankly, I'm just tired of him. He said he didn't want to play in the upcoming World Baseball Classic because of the condition of his knees. One knee is without cartilage, which means bone on bone. Totally legitimate reason to skip the WBC.
Tired means you are low on energy. You've written quite a column here. Sort of like you're worked up about Bonds. Kind of the opposite of being tired.
But Bonds couldn't help himself. He trivialized the first-ever Classic, saying, "Come on, the World Cup isn't the Olympics. Who cares? Does it mean anything?"
Not in BarryWorld, it doesn't.
Actually, it doesn't count in the real world either.
My favorite Barry on Barry quote was this one: "I think that's been my only downfall in all of this. I never let people know me. I just wanted to do my job and get the [expletive] out."
Your loss, not ours, Barry. Of course, Bonds later backpedaled on his earlier comments, which figures.
Of course, since we all say absolutely concrete things every time we speak, never base what we say on our mood, and never change our minds. Curse him for his humanity. Doesn't he know that what he says has no real impact on my life?
As for getting out, the sooner the better works for me.
Dude, you just wrote a whole column about what Bonds has said or done. It seems like him giving you more things to write about would actually work for you.
The Mailbag -- Political Version
by SonDog
I have always been a fan of political humor. Lately I've come to the realization that I have many Republican friends, particularly from the Southern US states. As most people are pretty familiar with my political views, my friends (especially my dad) enjoy copying me on jokes aimed at the Democratic party. I must admit, I enjoy them as well. Here are three recent emails I've received that provide perfect blog fodder:
From C-lo: "Do you think they planned this?"
----
From MB: "I'd rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than driving with Ted Kennedy ."
----
And only because I just can't get enough of Republican martyrism:
From Ryan B: "Bush Fails to Prevent East Coast Blizzard" -- As President Bush and his staff cowered in the White House, the snow continued to pile up on the many poor victims who could not afford to get out of town or to safety in Florida. Crucial supplies of blankets, hot cocoa, popcorn and dark rum - so essential to surviving the stress of any major snowstorm - lay in stores undelivered.
Hearings into the Blizzards' effect on the poor are almost a certainty. Howard Dean has suggested he will call for an investigation once his new medications kick in and John Kerry took a break from the sporting activities of the glamorous super-rich in some exotic locale (random choice: Ice Sailing in Finland) to call for new legislation outlawing snowstorms. "The Republican Congress has dropped the ball once again. I have always been a staunch supporter of anti-snow legislation, except for certain locations where I ski. Snow has no business on our roads and the President and Congress knows that."
Calls for impeachment over "SnowGate" as some are calling it already are mounting as deeply as the snow itself, and what will be discovered underneath will prove to have a truly chilling effect on the Republicans, as the inevitable thaw proceeds. Or something like that.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Links to Start the Work Week
by SonDog
---- Proof that steroids can mess with your mind. Dutch Daulton, former Phillies catcher. I found both of these stories by doing a google search for, "Retired Baseball Numbnuts." Since they were teammates back in the day, in some way this explains so much about why John Kruk sounds like such an idiot on baseball tonight. Anytime a portion of a story reads, "The Daily News says he put the ideas on paper while serving three months in jail last summer," you know the pure comedy is going to be at an all-time high.
You've probably seen this before, but it's a classic. You just can't get enough of the "Double Squat Spin Clap and Point."
From ESPN's Page 2: "Like clockwork, Larry Flynt has spent the past quarter-century delivering unwanted monthly copies of Hustler to all of Congress, free of charge (and because of a legal loophole, they are powerless to stop it). Maybe you already knew this, but I'm floored by it. That's pretty much the ultimate checkmate."
I've always dreamed about doing this to the really hot college girl that would flirt with you in class just enough to make you think you had a chance, only to act like she doesn't know who you are when you're at the bar (and in no way am I bitter over a college experience or anything). My line would be the same, "You were open and now you are closed!"
Olympic Post #5
posted by BH
The men's speed skating 1500m on Tuesday will feature four former gold medalists, all of them American. Joey Cheek, Chad Hedrick, Shani Davis, and Derek Parra. The big news though seems to be the ongoing and certainly media prodded feud that has transpired between Hedrick and Davis. Hedrick was upset that Davis pulled out of the team pursuit in order to focus and maintain strength for his best individual event, the 1000m. When approached by ESPN's Lisa Salters yesterday about the rift with his teammate, Hedrick said, "Is he my teammate?" Awesome event coming up. Four gold medalists. Maybe a U.S. sweep. Why not focus on a little fight in the schoolyard instead?
Freestyle aerials starts tomorrow. What's crazy to me about this sport is that you know these athletes eat crap during practice. Probably a lot. And what's it like the first time you ever actually go off an aerials jump? Do you have to do a flip in order to actually land with your balance? It's not like half-pipe or moguls where you can just find these runs in the course of your day and work up to being good at it. These have to be the craziest athletes in the games. I mean this in a good way.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
One Year Closer to Vegas
by SonDog
Now it's my turn to apologize for the sporadic posts as of late. For the greater part of the last five days, I've been either in my bed or on my couch, suffering from a cold/flu that can only be blamed on Hurricane Katrina. (See the Story coming this week titled, "It Had to Be Beijing," for more information. And thanks a lot, Kev.) During this time I've been on a ridiculous over-the-counter cocktail of NyQuil, TheraFlu, Zicam, vitamin C, Jameson, bananas, Japanisches heilpflanzen-Ol (German for Japanese peppermint oil), other random European herbal supplements that include Echinacea in one form or another, multi-vitamins and a nuclear cough syrup that makes you see lizards. Other than the fact that at one point I thought my name was Sven and that I was a Swedish ice dancer, everything has been great.
That being said, I cleared my head long enough on Saturday evening for one of my favorite nights of the NBA season -- All-Star Saturday Night. LeseDog, who has morphed into an NBA fan over the duration of our relationship, decided to join me for the festivities... in our living room... complete with Pizza Hut, Jameson, TiVo and my annual running journal for an hour-by-hour recap of the night's events (when I say "annual," usually that means just sending my thoughts to OZ over email the following day). The NBA does the best job out of the four major sports in celebrating it's All-Star competition, including the festivities on Saturday night. Here's my hazy journal from the evening:
5:00 - 6:00 PM -- TNT airs a special show titled, "All-Time Best Dunk," as a way to breathe life into what has become a dying slam-dunk competition. During the first 30 minutes, TNT showed dunks that I had not thought about in some time, as well as dunkers that I had not thought about in some time. Baby Jordan (a.k.a. Harold Minor), Isiah Rider and his East Bay Funk Dunk, Bones Barry winning the contest in 1996 with his free-throw line jam (to which, immediately following the competition, Reggie Miller deadpanned, "A white guy just won the dunk contest."), The Human Highlight Reel competing in the competition as late as 1990 (It's a travesty that Dominique Wilkins isn't in the Hall of Fame. Absolute travesty.), The Baby Mamba competing and winning as an 18-year-old rookie in 1997, the 2000 competition that included Steve Francis, T-Mac and Vinsanity (I remember watching this one and thinking, "Why did Golden State trade him for Antwan Jamison?"), J-Rich from 2002-2004, and many more.
The last 30 minutes were pretty much a waste of time. The highlight came when LeseDog, for the 16th time, said quizzically about Charles Barkley, "I can't believe how fat he is now! I knew he was fat, but when did he get this fat?" During this time, Ernie Johnson tells us to text in a number to vote for the best dunk of all-time (between Jordan's leaner and Vinsanity's original between the legs.). In case you didn't hear it the first time, Johnson will repeat this for the next ten minutes, and intermittently through the next three-plus hours.
One of the finalists for All-Time Dunk...
6:00 -- 7:00 -- We have our first Cheryl Miller sighting of the night! Does Cheryl realize she's not a man? I've always wondered about this. I seriously think she believes she's Reggie's brother, not sister.
At about 6:05, I puked. Why? Because TNT decided to air a 10-minute piece of how The Mamba helped out in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. That's great and all, but it was what Ernie Johnson said that made me puke.
First, some background. On September 11, 2005, the NBA and its players organized a Hurricane Katrina relief game in Houston. Stars from throughout the NBA participated in the game, donated money and time, all to benefit those displaced by the tragic events. (One of my favorite sub-plots of the sports-relief angle: The NFL spent about as much money on their PR effort to talk about how much money they were donating as the amount they actually donated. The NBA's event flew somewhat under the radar, with most people not even realizing the game actually aired on TNT. Fascinating.)
So, back to where the Mamba comes in to this. Ernie Johnson looks straight into the camera and says, and I quote, "Everybody who was here was affected, but arguably none more so, than Kobe Bryant."
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
The piece is so disgustingly calculated that most of the TNT guys don't know what to say once it's over. Here are some verbatim examples:
Kenny Smith -- "A lot of times... you're affected by people, other than monetarily." At this point, LeseDog turns to me and says, "What?"
Reggie Miller -- "Kind of lets me show... how small... what we do." I'm keeping this on my TiVo just to watch this over and over. Honestly, that's what he said, verbatim.
Charles Barkley, seemingly rolling his eyes in disgust -- "Kobe's not the only one." I think Chuck is the only guy in the NBA realm who isn't ready to put aside all the crap that The Mamba has done (like, say, driving three future HOFers out of LA) just because he's having a terrific season. There are times when I can't stand Charles Barkley, but this is not one of them.
At 6:20 we have a Commissioner Stern sighting! And he's starting out his interview by talking about the 2007 All-Star game being in Las Vegas! Here's an excerpt of the conversation LeseDog and I just had:
SonDog: "We should get those airline and game tickets right now!"
LeseDog: "Yeah right. I don't think that will be a good place to take baby."
SonDog: "I should get those airline and game tickets right now!"
LeseDog: "NO!! I don't think so, dude."
SonDog: "Damnit."
There are so many aspects of the All-Star game being in Vegas that I can't get over, including these certainties. 1) Usually NBA officials have trouble handling all of the media-pass requests for All-Star weekend. In Vegas, they are going to have trouble handling all of the groupie-pass requests. Seriously, the groupies might as well unionize and hold a first-of-its-kind convention at the MGM Grand during this weekend as they're all going to be in town. 2) There's a good chance that The Mamba could be the father of 28 children by the time this weekend is over. 3) How much has the NBA learned from Magic Johnson? If the answer is, "Not much," then there is going to be an STD epidemic of record-shattering proportions next February in Las Vegas. 4) Over 3,000 women are going to believe that they slept with Steve Blake of the Portland Trailblazers. Blake is about the only 5'10" white guy in the NBA, you figure out the rest. 5) This will be a test-run for Vegas. If it's as much of a success as it promises to be, they will get an NBA team almost immediately.
At 6:35 we finally get to the player introductions for the night's events... and here's Tony Parker... which means, we have our first Eva Longoria sighting of the night! I think I saw Parker mouth the words, "I'm dating Eva Longoria," during the introductions. Coincidentally, when Kobe was introduced, he mouthed the words, "I'm the Mamba, able to strike with 99% accuracy and precision." (Also, Steve Nash was just introduced, with LeseDog saying, "He has about as much presence as a fucking snail.")
For the next 25 minutes or so, we see Eva Longoria five more times, we see a couple of WNBA players missing short jump-shots, and once again hear about how deeply The Mamba was affected by a bond he made with one of the displaced Hurricane Katrina children. Touching story, and a lone tear once again comes to thine eye.
7:00 -- 8:00 PM -- The event that I've really been looking forward to is the Playstation Skills Competition. The lineup of Chris Paul, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and Steve Nash is unparalleled for the Saturday night events in recent years.
D-Wade ends up winning the event, but I had a couple of random thoughts while watching these four studs compete: 1) I was dead-wrong about Chris Paul coming into the season. I really didn't think he would be the type of player (should have been an All-Star) that he has become. I saw him more of a Steve Francis/Stephon Marbury type of shoot-first point guard when he was at Wake Forest, but in half a season he has proven to the world why I will never be an NBA General Manager. 2) If Steve Nash were a baseball player, we would be hearing all sorts of steroids rumblings. Every time you think Nash is at the absolute pinnacle of his career, he gets a little better. If the season ended today, he would once again be the league's MVP. So, a 32-year-old point guard, seemingly near the end of his career, morphs into the game's best floor-leader, and nobody even bats an eye-lash at this? I'm telling you, if this were baseball, we would already be having Congressional hearings. I may have to write an entire post on this during the second-half of the season. 3) LeBron James had what promises to be the best dunk of the night at the end of his first-round run. It's a shame that he doesn't want to be in the dunk contest. Could you imagine a dunk contest with LeBron, The Mamba, Vince Carter, D-Wade and J-Rich? Now that would bring excitement back to the event.
All the presence of a snail...
At 7:25, Ernie Johnson tells us to text in our vote for the best dunk ever for the 473rd time.
From 7:30 to 8, we watch the Three-Point contest, in which we have two pure shooters in the event: Ray Allen and Dirk Nowitzki. Dirk ended up winning, despite the fact that his last "money ball" left his hand after the buzzer sounded, leading Charles Barkley to mutter the line of the night, "Maybe they got them Super Bowl referees out there." Which begs the question, how far has the integrity of the NFL fallen. I mean, the NFL referees have become worse than the NBA referees, which is saying a lot. Anytime you have NBA people laughing about the officiating of the NFL... well, let's just say that there are some issues that the NFL needs to clear up in the off-season. I'm sure that if I lived in Seattle right now, I would feel much stronger about this.
On a side note: Dirk is the best player to win the Three-Point contest since Larry Bird. So far tonight, we've had two of the top-10 players in the league win in D-Wade and Dirk Diggler. I love this game!
Of course, then we have the dunk contest.
8:00 - 9:00 -- The main problem I have with the dunk contest is the lack of stars. I mean, Andre Iguodala, Josh Smith, Hakim Warrick and Nate Robinson are nice, but we need the stars back in order to truly showcase this event. Look, these guys may be good young players, but they are nowhere near household names. Even Magic referred to Hakim Warrick as "Peter" Warrick not once, but twice (Peter Warrick, of course, is a WR for the Seattle Seahawks). Most people outside of Philly have never even heard of the "other" A.I., and Josh Smith is known for one-thing so far in his career, and that's winning last year's dunk contest.
5'7" (there's no way he's 5'9") Robinson ended up winning the competition, despite the fact that it took him 14 attempts to complete his final dunk. That being said, the dunk of the night had to be his jumping over Spud Webb in the final round. Remember, Webb once won this event simply for being able to dunk. Robinson now has upped the ante for little people everywhere by jumping OVER said Webb.
By 9, both LeseDog and I had seen just about enough for one night. I was ready to once again put myself into a medicated coma for the night and she was ready for bed as well. Tonight we have the actual All-Star game itself.
Friday, February 17, 2006
What?
posted by BH
Talking about the U.S. women's loss to Sweden in the hockey semi's, Bill Pidto said on ESPNews
Michelle Kwan, Bode Miller, Lindsay Kildow, Jeremy Bloom. For various reasons, all have helped make this a miserable Olympics for the
Miserable? The women's figure skating hasn't happened yet, so we don't know whether the U.S. is going to have a good result or not. What if they have three women win medals? Bode Miller has bombed out so far, but Ted Ligety pulled it out in the combined. Lindsay Kildow crashed in a training run but was still able to race and finish eighth in the downhill. It's amazing that she even got back on the mountain. Yeah, Jeremy Bloom didn't pan out, but Toby Dawson had a sweet couple of runs and finished third. What about Shaun White, Danny Kass, Chad Hedrick, Joey Cheek, Gretchen Bleiler, Seth Wescott, Lindsay Jacobellis and Hannah Teter? Miserable? Did Pidto and the American public decide that this was only going to be a successful Olympics if the people they expected to win did?
Olympic Post #4
posted by BH
Okay. So I've made my distaste for figure skating clear. Yet last night, as Phil and I sat in a bar watching skeleton and Snowboard Cross, a promo came on for Ice Dancing. The sound was off, and the promo seemed mostly to consist of American ice dancers Tanith Belbin and Ben Agosto. Agosto looks like a typically shmoe-ish guy ice skater, but Belbin is unbelievable. I didn't need to hear one word in this ad to know that I was going to tune into ice dancing to watch this woman skate. Holy crap is she hot. And I'm afraid hot isn't sufficient enough a word. Maybe some word like, Holygodhowisitpossiblethatsomeonesohotwascreatedandshejustmademybenchpleasedon'ttellmywife, or something like that. I know, it's all terribly sexist, but come on. At this point, the pair is sixth, like I really care. I'm still watching for those five minutes tonight when she's on the ice.
Dude! Get out of the picture!It was a bummer watching the U.S. women's Hockey team go from a 2-0 lead against Sweden, to losing in a shootout. The U.S. team has looked sloppy and it finally caught up with them. Now, the U.S. will skate for bronze against Finland, who they beat in the third period the other day. There's something cool about a U.S./Canada matchup that doesn't quite translate to a U.S./Finland game.
I don't really give a shit about what Bryant Gumbel said the other day. I can see how some are a little bothered though. I never thought about him as a racist (especially after Paul Mooney's "Negrodamus" on Chappelle's Show), but it's clear that he is. To use your personal opinions about a sporting event to attempt to diminish everyone involved, everyone interested in watching, and somehow turn it into a dig against anyone who's ever voted Republican is cheap, childish, chicken shit. At the same time, who cares? We're talking about Bryant Gumbel.
"Try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the games look like a GOP convention," huffed Gumbel, host of HBO’s Real Sports. "And try to blot out all logic when announcers and sportswriters pretend to care about the luge, the skeleton, the biathlon and all those other events they don’t understand and totally ignore for all but three weeks every four years. Face it: These Olympics are little more than a marketing plan."
See how I kind of look like a giant douche?I don't remember hearing anyone call a guy doing the skeleton one of the world's greatest athletes, but when you say that, by default, these events lack anyone who might be considered the best because few blacks complete, and therefore lack any credibility, you have established yourself as a racist. When you call all members of the Republican Party racists, you are a racist. Believe it or not, some of these announcers and sportswriters, especially those outside the U.S., cover these events more than every four years. If these Olympics are little more than a marketing plan, who ever is in charge is doing a fairly poor job, especially considering that it does contain very few of a very large potential market (blacks), and loses out to American Idol. These are thoughtless comments from a self-abosrbed guy who likes to hear himself talk. Do we not know the deal with this guy yet? He's been saying stupid shit for twenty years.
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