Your New Niners

It was sloppy at the end, but it appeared more so due to the hooooorible officiating crew who decided early in the second half to throw a flag on every play regardless of whether or not a penalty had been committed. Jesus, did you see the tipped pass/pass interference call? There was no p.i. because the ball was tipped - even though the ball wasn't within three feet of a defender's hand - and when the play was to be reviewed, they decided that there hadn't been any interference anyway. W. T. F.?

Okay though, I liked the way they played. Shaun Hill is not awesome, but he's not a constant panic-attack like J.T. O'Sullivan - the poor man's Jeff Garcia, who is the poor man's quarterback. The play calling at the end was abysmal, but whatever. At least they were in a position to fuck up the game in the last two minutes rather than having pissed the whole thing away in the first two. They looked ready to run through a brick wall, which hasn't been the case with a Niner team since Tom Rathman was knocking the shit out of guys.

Almost universally around the sports world this morning, Arizona looked bad against a team they should have destroyed. Douchebaggery and thoughtlessness, I say. Warner was a stud. Both teams were flying all over the field. Aside from the officials attempts to turn the last three minutes into an NBA game, it was as exciting a finish as any this season.

If ever there were reason for fans to celebrate a moral victory, it's this one. I'd rather watch this version of the 2008 Niners lay it on the line playing last night's brand of football and lose every game close than watch the Nolan-lead version do what they were doing and fall into one or two wins. Plus those losses mean a better draft pick...to blow on another system QB.

This is bordering on crazy

Jay Glazer of FOX Sports, he of the routinely beating everyone to the scoop, reports that Brett Favre has spoken to more than one team about the Packers' play-calling tendencies. Not only has he spoken to them, Favre has initiated the communication. It seems there's no rule against such actions, but what does it tell us about Favre as a man? I mean, I guess we already know he's a total douche. My first thought is that he's either trying to make himself look that much better by making the Packers on-field play seem that much worse, or he's trying to punish the team for not groveling and letting him call the shots. Either way, these are the actions of an insecure child. I've always felt like Favre has been overly active in how he is portrayed by the media, but this is out there. This is slimy.

News flash: Brett Favre is an attention-seeking douche after all

We know Brett Favre famously, graciously, called fellow tough-guy, gunslinger, hot white stud quarterback Tony Romo to offer his encouragement over Romo's broken pinky, because Favre told ESPN he did so. Have you ever known anyone who does something nice, like makes a donation to an organization or cleans up baby birds after an oil spill, mostly so they can tell everyone they made a donation or cleaned up an oil-soaked seagull? Remember that scene where "Sack" is describing saving an otter in "Wedding Crashers?" Anyway, I found a link at Deadspin about Favre's similar call, or lack thereof, to one Aaron Rodgers who has been playing with a bum shoulder.

This guy is a childish clown.

Polamalu criticizes NFL fines; ensures he will receive fine

Pissed that his Pittsburgh Steelers have been hit with a rash of unnecessary roughness and illegal block and blah, blah, blah penalties of late the safety spoke out against the heavy-handed:

I think regarding the evolution of football, it's becoming more and more flag football, two-hand touch. We've really lost the essence of what real American football is about. I think it's probably all about money. They're not really concerned about safety.

He went on to say

When you see guys like Dick Butkus, the Ronnie Lotts, the Jack Tatums, these guys really went after people. Now, they couldn't survive in this type of game. They wouldn't have enough money. They'd be paying fines all the time and they'd be suspended for a year after they do it two games in a row. It's kind of ridiculous.

Amen, Troy. A. Men. It seems as though the NFL, since the inception of the Roger Goodell era, has become a little crazy with the extent to which they restrict the actions of players. That being said, there were a lot of shitty things that went on during the course of play when Dick Butkus, the Ronnie Lotts and Jack Tatums were playing that significantly, negatively, altered players' post-football lives.

This is not news, ESPN. Get off the cock.

Stupid ESPN.com headline #46,729:

Favre calls injured Romo, offers encouragement.

Who gives a shit? Who gives a flying fuck of a shit? Jesus, I mean Ed Werder sounds like the president of the Favre/Romo Saturday Night Circle Jerk.

Although there seems to be some unjustified question about Romo's toughness, Favre has no such doubts, lavishing praise on a player whose reckless style and fun-loving nature on the field have been compared to the future Hall of Famer who holds virtually every significant NFL record for quarterbacks.

Talk about editorializing. "Unjustified question?" "Fun-loving nature?" "Every significant NFL record for quarterbacks?" This is shit wrapped in a veil of nonsense dropped in a pile of fluff.

Put your arm down, dumbfuck.

I remember in college we were playing some school somewhere in the second game of a doubleheader. Having started the first game on the mound, I was in the dugout at the start of the second game. In some inning, maybe the second or third - early anyway - a guy from the other team hit a home run over the left field wall. As he rounded first, he said, quietly, but loud enough that our dugout could hear, "See ya."

I'm reminded of such douchitude each time a baseball player does anything overly expressive after a home run. Shane Victorino, you're a douche. Act like a man, not a Victorino.

Nonsense Quote of the Week nominee

The scene: Friday night's Giants/Dodgers game at AT&T Park. Bengie Molina hits a ball high off the wall in right but only manages a single. Bruce Bochy removes Molina from the game for a pinch-runner, Emmanuel Burriss. Omar Vizquel swears he's heard the ball hit metal, so Bochy asks the umpires to use their new replay capabilities to determine whether the ball in fact did strike metal and was thus, a Bengie oppo-ya-ya. After review, it is determined that Molina's ball was a home run, so Burriss, not Molina, rounds the bases. Molina is credited with a home run, but Burriss gets the run scored. Bochy, though, wants Molina back in the game. His thinking has to be simple. If the umpires had gotten the call right in the first place, Molina would be in the game, completing his trot. The opportunity to have been removed would not have been presented. Crew Chief Tim Welke, after the game, felt differently, saying

Bochy wanted to reinsert Molina into the game but he doesn't get another bite at that. We know the rules. Once a pinch-runner touches a base, he's in the game whether he's put in or not. ... You can't go back and revisit history.

Yeah, but...you just...revisi...ah...ooohhhh...I just heard a pop and now a gooey substance is leaking out my ear...I don't think I've got much longer, soi illjusjasdnvaf...sdfah...

Favre's confusion

Brett Favre, at his Jets introduction yesterday, looked like a guy who never really knew what he wanted and got something he wasn't sure about. Because he never knew what he wanted, he never knew how to get it. Favre started floating the notion that he might be interested in returning to Green Bay earlier this year, not to his coach or his GM, but to randoms who could spread the word for him. The whole Favre un-retirement jumblefuck demonstrated Favre's lack of, brains, courage, honor and character. It wasn't until there was a significant groundswell of comeback support that he became visible, ready to stare down the Packers. And really, a return wasn't what Favre had in mind at all. Brett Favre, more than any other high-profile athlete I've ever seen, embraces the idea that the media makes the story; that the media sometimes makes stories out of nothing; that they are looking for the slightest chance, however absurd, to dress white players in a veil of heroic. So Favre talks to Greta Van Susteren, and texts Chris Mortenson, and tells the media Ted Thompson had to grovel to get him to avoid coming to camp, and it was all an attention-grabbing load of horseshit.

And now Favre comes out the unquestioned loser. He doesn't want to play football. He sure as shit doesn't want to play football for the New York Jets. He wants people to talk about BRett Favre. That's what he's always wanted. His reputation is tarnished. It's hard for even the "WWL" to throw enough frosting on the rock hard, burnt, made by my four year-old cake that is Brett Favre to make it edible.

More Rosenthal Douchebaggery

Among Fox Sports' Ken Rosenthal's NL selections at the pitcher spot...you will not find the current NL saves leader with 24, San Francisco's Brian Wilson. Fuck, I know saves are like wins and thus, imperfect when measuring a player's effectiveness, but Jesus, man. He doesn't even get a "Notable Omissions" nod, which goes to the likes of :

Taylor Buchholz, RHP, Rockies; Francisco Cordero, RHP, Reds; Jair Jurrjens, RHP, Braves; Hong-Chi Kuo, Dodgers; Kyle Lohse, RHP, Cards; Carlos Marmol, RHP, Cubs; Kerry Wood, RHP, Cubs.

Writes Rosendouche:

Love the staff, even though I included only two relievers. The starters on my team are just too good — so good, I couldn't find a spot for Jurrjens, who is sixth in the league in ERA.

When discussing AL pitchers, Rosenthal includes the O's George Sherrill because he's second in the league in saves. So saves is a stat that matters to Rosenthal. So where is the fucking love for the guy leading the NL in saves?

Similarly, Rosenthal shafts Bengie in favor of Yadier Molina for Notable omission at the NL catcher's spot, despite similarish OBP, Slugging, BA, HR, and OBPS, though Bengie is killing in RBIs, because "(Yadier) Molina throws as well as any catcher in the league and is one of the most difficult players to strike out." Really? Bengie strikes out once every 14 ABs and Yadier strikes out once every 21. That seems like a lot, except when you notice Bengie has struck out 7 more times in 49 more AB's, but let's not even pretend it matters half a fuck when selecting an All-Star team. Also, throws as well as blah, blah, blah? Jesus, man.

So of course the issue is, Rosenthal hasn't seen shit this year outside the FGOTW, and unless a player he hasn't seen has stats that jump out of his computer screen and blow stat goo all over his face, Rosenthal ignores him. The biggest problem I have with this list is the lack of consistency. He picks Jose Reyes despite acknowledging Reyes' being an error machine because he's "one of the five most exciting players in the game," yet would take Yadier Molina because of a strong arm? Would take Griffey Jr. as a lifetime achievment despite a OBPS lower than 11 of the qualifying right fielders in the NL and the 14th best SLG among right fielders?

I'd like to submit into evidence...

item #437 in the case of "The People Versus Obnioxious Douchbaggery in Baseball." After making a throwing error last Sunday, Mets' shortstop Jose Reyes threw his mitt to the ground in disgust and was called on it by Keith Hernandez.

Well, he's got to get over that," Hernandez said at the time, according to one transcript of the broadcast. "Enough babying going on now. He's a grown man. He's been around a long enough time. Take off the kid gloves."

Reyes' response?

"A lot of people told me, and that's no good," Reyes told The Post. "I was mad at myself because I make an error in that situation. It makes me mad, because [Hernandez] played the game, too. He knows it is not an easy game. And he knows when you make an error, you are supposed to feel bad."

He also knows you don't throw your glove to the ground when you fuck up. Actually, eight year-olds know that. Hernandez has been known to run at the mouth a little, but Reyes deserved to be called on acting like a tantrum-throwing child. News flash, fuckface: you can feel bad about a play without making a huge spectacle. Instead, Reyes' response was to confront Hernandez on the team flight, further demonstrating the extent to which Keith Hernandez was right in his comments.

It's still cheating

Sappy fraud Ken Rosenthal's latest nonsensical page vomit revolves around Paul Byrd's explanation for why he used HGH...

(Byrd) said that he had a legitimate explanation for using HGH — three doctors had diagnosed him as suffering from adult growth-hormone deficiency.

Awesome. That is a legitimate reason for taking HGH...if you want to live a normal life. Not as far as baseball is concerned though. In the interview Byrd goes on to explain that his real issue was that the Mitchell Report said Byrd had taken the HGH as treatment for a tumor, which he never told Mitchell investigators. Okay. He also says the HGH helped him function normally. Good. I truly hope Paul Byrd is experiencing a more normal existence due in part to the benefits of having taken HGH and undergoing other treatments. At the end of the day though, he took HGH and was a Moajor League baseball player. The question for us all is and has been and will continue to be, did the player ingest or inject or do something that allowed him to perform at a level otherwise incapable? For Paul Byrd? Yeah. I'm sorry about his hormone deficiency. I'm glad you're healthy now. But not everyone can do everything. You can't take a 36-inch tall kid on the 45 inches and up ride at Disneyland because he's wearing stilts. You can't put paddles on an armless swimmer and sign him up for the Olympics. As Walter says in The Big Lebowski, "Smoky, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules." Sometimes, shit happens and things get fucked and you can't play baseball.

Q: How much — if at all — do you regret using HGH?
A: At this time in my life I do not regret using HGH. It really helped me health-wise and personally with my marriage. As far as the baseball field goes, I was able to throw bullpens and recover better (like a normal pitcher) but I have recently learned by talking to doctors that my recovery could have been a by-product of the hormone allowing me to get sleep so I am working on that now through different means. What I don't miss about HGH — the reoccurring temptation to take more than the prescribed dose and possibly increase the velocity of my fastball.

I like the whole parenthetical mention of the baseball benefits of HGH, like actually throwing harder would have been the only real benefit. Not the getting to throw at all. Getting to "throw bullpens and recover better (like a normal pitcher)," due to having taken HGH, means you cheated.

Go Away, Doucheclown