Wireless Kills!!

posted by BH

Uh-oh

It is the hi-tech tool that has revolutionised home and office alike - but a growing band of campaigners claim wi-fi is a major threat to health.

Crap.

Sufferers say the electro-magnetic waves emitted by wireless computer networks - wi-fi - leave them feeling exhausted, nauseous and sleepless.

Exercizing little and walking up stairs leave you feeling exhausted and nauseous. You're sleepless because you're paranoid.

Author Kate Figes, spent hundreds of pounds installing wireless internet in her Stoke Newington home, then found it made her so ill she had to scrap it.

She didn't find that it made her ill, she guessed, as you will discover later in the piece.

Ms Figes, 49, claims she is so sensitive to wi-fi's electro-magnetic waves she can instantly tell whether it is installed in a particular room.

She walks in to every room now, thinking people are going to have wi-fi or some kind of wireless device. If she says something and is right, there was probably already a 70% chance she was going to be right.

This comes days after campaigners called for parents to remove the system from their homes to prevent harming their children's health.

Campaigners? Like Ms. Figes?

Ms Figes said: "The day we installed wi-fi two years ago was the day I started to feel ill.

Really? That same day? You remember? Did you associate the two as being connected to each other right away?

At first I could not work out what the problem was.

Oh.

I had no idea why I felt so sick and run-down. But I knew that when I walked through the front door it felt like walking into a cloud of poison.

Real reason: you eat like shit and don't exercize. Also, your cat shits all over the house and you don't clean it up. That might account for the cloud of poison thing.

"Imagine being prodded all over your body by 1,000 fingers. That is what I felt when I walked into the house...

If it felt like 1,000 fingers were prodding me, I'd just lay on my couch all day getting stoned.

Then I started to think it might be the wi-fi, so we scrapped it - and I felt better."

You scrapped it? You started to think it was the wi-fi, so you looked back in time and realized that on the exact day that you had wi-fi installed at your house, you started feeling sick, thereby recognizing that there was direct causation?

She added: "Most people I've spoken [sic] are really dismissive...

because my idea is crazy?

but I don't think they've considered the long-term impact of this technology."

Dude. I'll totally trade not being sick for fast internet.

Long-term impact: nuts make loud noises for the long term.

The mother-of-two is just one of many people who contacted campaigning group ElectroSensitivityUK about their fears over the harmful effects of wi-fi.

One of many = seven

A spokesman for the group said: "We've been inundated by calls from people who know this is affecting them, but in many cases are wary of speaking out. The telecommunications companies pour scorn, but none of them has been able to prove wi-fi is safe."

None of you have been able to prove it's unsafe.

Inundated = one phone line + four calls per day

But Chris Guy, head of Reading University's School of Systems Engineering said: "The amount of power emitted by wi-fi devices is about a tenth of that given out by mobile phones. It is very, very unlikely that it is harmful because the power levels are so low. I just do not believe wi-fi is damaging people's health."