News?

No. This is a goddamn press release from ESPN, occupying the top spot in the ESPN.com headlines section this morning. Problems abound...

-Theisman sucks.

-What is the prominent position within ESPN? What is a more prominent position than color guy for MNF. Shlub at the end of the desk of 'Sunday NFL Countdown?'

-The story contradicts itself.

Jaworski replaces Joe Theismann, who has been offered a prominent football analyst job with the network.

We appreciate the work Joe has done for 19 years and continue to talk with him about another high-profile football role with ESPN.

-Theisman really sucks!

Best Lefty NBA Players

Random, yes...whatever. These things are fun, right? Without needless introduction, I hereby declare the All-Left-Handed Teams from Then and Now. (I know...this is going to be AWESOME!!!)

Note: Larry Bird, Lebron James, Gary Payton, and Tracy McGrady are all left-handed, but they shoot with their right, so they don't count.


THEN:


C- Bill Russell


F- Willis Reed


F- Dave Cowens


G- Lenny Wilkins


G- Nate Archibald



NOW:

C- Chris Bosh


F- Lamar Odom


F- Josh Smith


G- Michael Redd


G- Manu Ginobili






Honorable Mention (Then): David Robinson, Chris Mullin, Bill Walton, Bob Lanier

Honorable Mention (Now): Tayshaun Prince, David Lee, Nick Van Exel (not a then yet, he played last season), Cuttino Mobley

Why I love Spring....

I have to say that my favorite time of year now that I am getting older is the springtime. I used to love the summer (no school), winter (SNOW! no school maybe). But now that I have been working full-time for 7 years and my life has changed so much, I have to say that I look forward to the spring time with more enthusiasm than a six year old on Christmas morning.

As an adult I don't get to enjoy the summer like when we were kids (Except for baseball which is my favorite sport to watch).For some reason it's not as fun to walk into work on a 95 degree day in a shirt and tie as it was to spend all day at the pool. Work really sucks the fun out of everything doesn't it. Even summer vacations are not as fun. Now when we take off from work for a week, what do we have to look forward to when we get back??? MORE WORK!!! Plus, now we have to plan and pay for the vacation. It was a lot better when mom and dad were taking care of all that BS.

Fall. Ah fall. Football is probably the best thing about Fall. I am always looking forward to the start of the college football season. (WA-HOO-WA!). It's the best! I even looked forward to the fall when I was a kid. A new school year. A bunch of new clothes. But now (except for football) what do I have to look forward to?? The sun starts setting earlier. The days are longer. It's getting colder. It makes me so dam depressed! And then the NBA starts up.... FANTASTIC!!!
(I hate the NBA)

And finally winter. The MOST depressing of all the months. The sun is up for about 5 hours a day. It's cold as hell, but we never get any snow. Three years ago I learned to snowboard. That actually game me something to look forward to in the winter. But since it never snows here I only get to go a few times a year. 4 to 6 times the past 2 years, 1 time this year.

And then Spring comes. Daylight savings time makes the days longer. Spring training is going on. Mark Prior and Carey Wood are on the DL. It just feels right!!!! And my favorite part of spring is that St. Patty's day is the start of the outdoor drinking festivals here in Richmond. Last weekend was Shamrock-the-Block. An outdoor drinking festival in Shockoe Bottom (a cool historical part in the City Limits). This weekend is the Church Hill Irish Festival. A 2 days outdoor drinking festival. We actually stretch St. Patty's day into 2 weeks of drinking!! How great is that!?!?!?!?!?! There is something about drinking outside in the middle of the day on a beautiful spring day that really makes me happy. And that is why I love Spring.

PS> April 14th is the Strawberry Hill Races. The best day of the year!!! HUGE horse races with tons of drinking and beautiful girls in sundresses!!!!

Who's It Gonna Be?

The Round of Sixteen. Here we go. Many of you are still banging your heads against the wall because that one douchebag in your pool who picked all favorites is killing it. Or maybe you listened to Simmons a little too closely and picked Texas to make the Final Four. My bracket's hopes currently rest on Texas A&M making the Final Four.

So who's gonna take the glorious road to a Championship this year? I've got the gyrating Gators in my bracket, but I think there are a handful of teams that are going to make some serious noise. How sweet would a Kansas - UNC Final be? As sweet as those damn Watermelon Airheads (why can't I find those in Vail?).

Plenty of games to look forward to tonight and tomorrow. Can my great home state of Tennessee produce three teams in the Final Eight? Probably not. But look for Bruce Pearl and the Vols to give OSU some straight-up hell. I think the Big Orange have a better chance than Memphis and Vandy, actually. Southern Cal's hot, Oregon's hot, UNLV's hot...

Happy Madness to All, and let's get pissed.

Hey, Have you Heard that Bonds did Steroids? No, no, Seriously!

by SonDog

It's an amazing thing, being a San Francisco Giants fan. Everybody hates your team. Well, maybe that's a little bit of an overstatement. Maybe it's more like, everybody hates your best player -- even Girl Scouts. Although I've noticed in recent years that, since the Giants have let Bonds run roughshod over the organization like a Bush administration official at a UN meeting, most fans now hate the Giants too. It's kind of like being a fan of the Yankees or a fan of the Red Sox, I presume. The exception, of course, is that if you're a fan of the Yankees or the Red Sox, your teams at least win.

With the Sacramento Kings organization exploding this year like the Hindenburg (prediction: Geoff Petrie walks this off-season and ends up as Portland's GM. More on this in a later post.), I have been able to focus most of my attention on the Giants and their outlook for 2007. Last year I put together a list called "The Indispensables," to preview the season. This year, in honor of Kissing Suzy Kolber's weekly theme, I've decided to do a mock-draft (picking players that are the most important to the least important to the teams success) with the erstwhile BH. Yes, BH is back. For those of you wondering, he's been on the Injured Reserve with a crippling case of carpel tunnel syndrome, crossed with a violent outbreak of hemorrhoids. Tragic.

You can read the rest of the Giants Season Preview here...

Dookie

by Whitey

Here is my story......

I grew up in Mechanicsville, Va. A suburb of Richmond. Basicly nothing but rednecks. No one in my family ever went to college. School was not my thing. Anyway, I managed to graduate somewhere around 160 out of 260.

My mom was a single mom. She raised me, my little sister, and little brother without much help from my old man. Since I was the oldest I was the first to start thinking about college. WEll we knew jack shit about colleges. But we did know that we had NO money. So we figured that the only way I could go to school would be to commute to Virginia Commonwealth University. Back then (1996) no one gave a damn about our school. We didn't even have a bookstore. It was basicly a commuter school full of adults taking night classes. We have no football team and the basketball team sucked. One of my best friends went to UVA. (he graduated 3rd in our class) I then adopted UVA as "my" sports school. Always pulling for them in football and basketball. I have even had season tix to football for the past 3 years. Anyway, after I left VCU (I did not graduate. But I do work here) they poured a TON of money into it. We now have a SWEET basketball arena and many, many nice facilities. People even have school sprit!!! It helps that the basketball team has been getting better.

I was always one of the kids that HATED UNC. All of the rednecks here LOVE UNC. Fuck that. I would pull for Duke before I rooted for UNC. Well then I went to college and started rooting for UVA. I never hated the blue devils but they were also never my favorite. UVA was.

Back to this year. VCU has an excellent year in b-ball. Wins the conference (CAA) and the conference tourney. Earn an 11 seed in the Big Dance. Who do they draw? Duke. Well I have to pull for the school I went to. So me and my finacee (she was on the dance team for 4 years) go up to the local wing place last night to meet my boys and watch the game. NEVER in my life have I seen so many blow calls and crybaby actting jobs! I swear the refs WANTED the Dookies to win! And all their flopping around could have won them Oscars!!! I will never, ever pull for those crybaby assholes ever again.

This is Why I Love the Internet

by SonDog

Okay, if you're a regular reader of Deadspin.com, you saw this yesterday. However, if you're not reading Deadspin.com, and I know many of you are not (ahem, OZ, ahem), you have to check out this website: Ballers w/ Randoms. (Which reminds me... If you are as pissed off at ESPN and its coverage of sports as the rest of the free world, then you should be reading Deadspin. That's all there is to it.) According to Deadspin, Ballers w/Randoms was originally stumbled upon by the guys at Free Darko (a tremendous NBA blog).

Ballers w/Randoms is a collection of NBA players partying with people like this:

Chaz Villanueva, the hairless wonder

Why is this interesting? I don't really know. It's like watching a minor car crash, I guess. There's just something there that forces you to look. Where else are you going to see Calvin Booth huggin' it out with a couple of random white chicks? There's nothing too risque on the site, just a bunch of NBA players with drinks, but it's a good way to waste half an hour.

Mind of Kings Fans - Major League Mayhem Edition

by SonDog

The following is another email exchange between OZ and I, two die-hard Sacramento Kings fans. The team is coming off a disappointing loss to Denver and is in a state of chaos - from the Artest fiasco to the management issues. Since OZ is an accountant, he hasn't had time to email much from his office in Sac since, oh, January 1, so consider this a special treat.

OZ - "It felt great,'' Artest said. "The introduction was good. I got the same amount of cheers. It felt like old times. It should be fine.''

I wasn't cheering. And I certainly wasn't cheering when they lose to a team they haven't lost to in Arco since 1997. Oh yeah, nice to have you back Ron.

SonDog - So, regarding Artest, do you think the Maloof's should have predicted this? Or, do you think the Maloof's should have predicted this?

Speaking of the Maloof's, did you hear them call out Mussleman during the sideline interview? Joe Maloof said, and I paraphrase, "We've been disappointed in him, but he's coming around. As long as he works hard, he'll be okay." Sure, he'll be okay with that job at the BK Lounge if he keeps working hard, but he won't be okay as the coach of the Kings.

OZ -- Winning changes everything, even for Muss.

And before I start bashing Kings management for bringing Artest here I have to recognize that I was very much on the Artest bandwagon, driving it in some cases, but now I want him gone. Should they have seen it coming, maybe. It was a risk they were willing to take and I agreed with it at the time. Fortunately, I am just a fan so it is much easier for me to switch sides and now say he's a cancer and needs to go.

SonDog -- Flip-flopper. I would like to direct you to this post: http://milehighramblings.blogspot.com/2006/01/now-what.html. Yes, I've flip-flopped may times since, but it's important to note that he poisoned the team BEFORE he even arrived. That, and Kevin Martin plays like shit when Artest is in the lineup. Hopefully the Maloof's can trade
him for 50-cents on the dollar after the season. I'll even take two Canadian pennies for him at this point.

I'm a Maloof supporter, especially in the arena debacle, but they need to get their hands out of the basketball operations and let Geoff Petrie (GM) do his job before he walks. Think about the decisions they've made in the last year: Made the Artest trade against Petrie's wishes, Fired Adelman and hired Muss against Petrie's wishes, would not approve the Bibby trade to the Lakers against Petrie's wishes (even though they would have received 1) salary cap relief 2) draft picks and 3) given Bibby's albatross of a contract to their arch-rivals. I'm telling you, Petrie is going to walk this summer and become the GM of the Blazers.

OZ -- Then the Blazers could re-hire Adelman and life will have come full circle. Owner's getting their hands dirty rarely works out well, unless the owner has more money than he knows what to do with and is more than happy to spend it on the team. Cuban sucks.

Does this make you think of Major League at all? Is Vegas the Miami Stadium? Would Artest been on the top of the crazy wife's list of guys she wanted to invite to camp?

Rewrite: "This guy here is dead....and this guy killed him."

The words Artest and Arrest bear an uncanny resemblance. If President Palmer played Artest in a movie, he would kill Roger Dorn (Mike Bibby).

SonDog -- Well, since Artest will more likely be playing in the California Penal league next year than with the Kings, I think you make a perfect analogy.

Petrie calling Adelman, after Musselman is fired: "Rick! how would you like to coach the Kings again?"

Adelman: "Ohhhhh, I dunnno."
Petrie: "What do you mean, you don't know? This is your chance to coach in the big leagues."
Adelman: "Let me get back to you, will ya, Geoff? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls."

OZ -- So, unlike your need to have Kobe on every fantasy team you've ever drafted for, I will not support a player I don't like. Though I always want the team to succeed and I will always cheer for them (booing's stupid, but that's a different subject), I will not be cheering for Artest. I've been wondering ever since it became widely known that Kobe is the horrible person I always pegged him to be what I would do if I had a player like that on my team. Now I know. The difference is I choose to ignore Ron altogether as I cannot root against him lest hurt my team but I'll refuse to cheer for him regardless of circumstance.

SonDog -- In other words, you choose to be the Roger Dorn to Artest's Ricky Vaughn: "Let's cut through the crap, Artest. I only got one thing to say to you: "Strike this mother f**ker out." Re-write: I only got one thing to say to you: "Don't lead this team to the f**king playoffs. We need a lottery pick."

I only got one thing to say to you, Artest: Keep playing like shit!

Speaking of which, I still hope the Kings DON'T make the playoffs. The difference between a lottery pick and the 20th pick will be huuuuuge, especially in this draft. I'm not saying I am rooting for them to lose, but I'm rooting for them to lose. I would rather the Clippers get slaughtered against Dallas. Of note here, the Clippers successfully managed to intentionally lose last year as to avoid a first round matchup with San Antonio, Phoenix or Dallas. It would not surprise me in the least if they did it again in order to get a lottery pick.

OZ -- And it has worked out so well for them. I hate the "Let's lose and try and get a draft pick" mentality. I don't think being a junior college athlete gives me experience to speak from, but there is no way in hell I lay down on the field (or court in this case) for anybody, ever. Asking a player to do that is an absolute abomination to not only sports but man as a species, and you are a bad person for even thinking it.

SonDog -- I'm not asking them to lie down, you fool. I'm just saying I hope they continue to suck ass! Why start winning regularly now? Without salary cap space or decent draft picks, they're going to be in trouble for years. They need to re-tool around a guy that isn't a tool (Artest).

OZ -- What's the difference apart from semantics? If Martin gets NBA player of the Month is his SaoTSARBoE rating increase? If Bibby starts to play in forth quarters again and they actual win some close games will you go to sleep in your Kobe jersey unhappy?

SonDog -- If I sleep in a Kobe jersey in my bed in Vail, does that make me a rapist? Should I let my wife sleep next to me?

What's the point of the playoffs this year? Seriously? Dallas will treat them about as kindly as a prisoner in Guantanamo Bay. There's no need to watch Shareef crow-hop his way down the court with the quickness of my grandfather, watch Thomas blow lay-up after lay-up after lay-up, watch Bibbs fire at will, regardless of the shot clock, all for what? To get toasted in the first round? No, I say they need to rebuild and, unless the Maloof's decide who the draft pick will be, the draft is the way to start.

OZ -- Jesus, why do you even watch this team if you dislike all the players on it? And yes, if getting to the playoffs and getting toasted in the first round is the way the chips fall, so be it. It's better than rooting against my team. I bet you wouldn't talk that way about Denver.

SonDog -- The Nuggs have a couple of guys named 'Melo and AI. The Kings have a couple of guys named Douby and Reef. There's a difference. I want my team to win, but I don't think they should sacrifice the long-term stability for the short-term. The Giants have done enough of that for me.

OZ -- By trying to win they are sacrificing long-term stability? Since when is getting a draft pick a guaranteed boost to your teams long-term prowess? If anything, I think rooting against your team and wanting them to loose has much more severe long-term ramifications than whether a team gets the eighth seed or misses the playoffs.

SonDog -- You're an idiot. Captain Melodrama, with you're "severe ramifications."

OZ -- I don't feel you are giving this whole, "I want my team to lose" thing enough thought, psycho.

SonDog -- In closing...
SonDog: [before the playoff game] OZ, anything to add?
OZ: Ummm... no.
SonDog: He's not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks!

For My Next Trick, I'm Going to Attempt to Kill This Beautiful Woman, Using a Slam Dunk Contest as a Prop

by SonDog

I know what you're thinking, but there was no way Ron Artest was going to receive this week's You Dumb Bastard Award. The man was grandfathered in to the YDB Hall of Fame for chrisssakes, therefore inelligible for additional weekly honors. So, on to our weekly award...

Slam dunk contests should be outlawed in Europe. Seriously. A European Slam Dunk contest makes about as much sense as a valet service in Baghdad. With that in mind, this week's winner of the YDB is some guy we're going to name, Silly European Guy Trying to Get Some Cheerleader Ass but Going About it the Wrong Way.

Take a look:




I first came across this video on the Postmen blog, and I think Deadspin linked to it as well. But everytime I see it I laugh my ass off. I mean, the guy DOESN'T EVEN COME CLOSE to clearing the girl. Look, if you're going to try something like this in front of thousands (okay, okay, dozens) of people, you should at least be confident you're not going to bulldoze your prop like a snowplow on I-70. ESPECIALLY if that prop is a beautiful woman you hand-picked from the crowd.

So, Silly European Guy Trying to Get Some Cheerleader Ass but Going About it the Wrong Way... You Dumb Bastard. Congratulations. You are this week's winner.

DJ Gallo's Rocky Top Critique: Oh, the Irony.

by the butler


I try to exercise caution when calling into question the general intelligence of a given social population. Being from Tennessee, I've heard plenty of "wise" cracks aimed at my Southern brethren and our supposed lack of learning ability. Most times I just smile and let ignorance continue. Catch 'em off guard later kind of thing, I guess.

The truth is, I've met idiots all over the world. They're everywhere. Maybe the Southern U.S. has a higher concentration...I've never counted. In my opinion Southerners are penalized for their accent more than they deserve. For some reason people from other parts of the U.S. think they sound like damn geniuses.

Okay, so DJ Gallo from ESPN.com did a little piece on "Rocky Top" after Pat Summitt's cheerleading escapade last week. Apparently Deej never payed any attention to the words of the song until Pat captured his eye with her hot little skirt.

"But it wasn't until Tuesday night when I heard Pat Summitt sing a few bars of "Rocky Top" ...that I really listened to the words for the first time. And I have to say -- it left me with lots and lots of questions."

Here we go again. Southerners are dumb. Never heard this before, you un-original bastard. He then goes on to say,

"And, please, if any Tennessee fans can clear up my confusion on all of this, I'd be much obliged. Seriously."

I'll clear up your dumb-ass confusion, Deej.

After pointing out himself that the song was WRITTEN IN 1967, Gallo offers this morsel of brilliant commentary on the verse which reads "ain't no telephone bills"-

"Wait … what? No telephone bills? Is the cost of phone service a huge problem in Tennessee or something?... just cancel your land line and use your cell phone for all of your calls. That's what I would do."

C'mon, dumb Southern folk, why don't you use your cell phones in 1967?

Gallo's next pearl of wisdom is given regarding the line, "Once I had a girl on Rocky Top, Half bear, the other half cat;" (obviously referring to the girl's personality, Deej, did you fail 9th grade Literature or what?) -

"Again, I'm confused. Honestly. So a dude's "girlfriend" was apparently some sort of soulless bear-cat hybrid?"

Again, Deej, you're a retard. It's what we in the literary world call "figurative language". Even dumb Southerners know how to incorporate it into songs and writing and stuff.

At this point in the article I find my favorite little nugget. 'Ol Deej, with the help of Wikipedia I'm sure (way to dig deep with your research), actually correctly interprets the whole prohibition/moonshine reference. No way Deej figured that out by himself.

And now for the Grand Finale of Dumb-

Deej's take on the verse "I've had years of cramped-up city life,Trapped like a duck in a pen...All I know is it's a pity life can't be simple again" -

"Yes, it sure is a "pity life" living in a city, what with reasonable phone bills, no access to frisky bear-cats, laws against killing federal officers and a dearth of corn-based alcohol. I mean, who wouldn't want to live on Rocky Top?"

No, Deej...no, no, NO! It's not a "pity life" living in a city...you have to read the next line, "it's a pity life can't be simple again."

I can see this jack-ass Deej right now, the guy who always claps on the up-beat when you should really clap on the down-beat...the guy who always sings the words wrong to your favorite song.

Ass.

Dwight Howard has NOTHING on This Crazy Psycho

by SonDog

Maybe you've seen this before, but I haven't. In fact, I just came across it while searching for this week's YDB award winner on youtube.

This is the kind of thing I dreamed about doing when I was, like, seven. According to the title (which must be true), this is the longest trampoline dunk in the history of trampoline dunking, which we all know has a storied history dating back to at least the mid-90's. Translated to English, this guy's name is E. Normous Balls.

Clement's signing leaves San Francisco Mayor's Office in State of Shambles

by SonDog

This isn't really about sports. I apologize, and I'll keep it short. This is simply the most unintentionally hilarious piece of news that I've come across in some time.

Apparently, somebody in San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsome's administration was so flabbergasted by the 8-year, $80 million contract the San Francisco 49ers gave to Nate Clements that they brain-farted the "what would the public think?" responsibility when he or she decided to declare February 23rd "Colt Studio Day" for the city. That is, unless they were trying to absolutely destroy Newsome's political future.

This portion of the story, pulled from the San Francisco Chronicle, pretty much sums it up:

Conservative activists and pundits nationwide belittled the city after Newsom's office declared Feb. 23 to be Colt Studio Day, honoring the 40th anniversary of a San Francisco movie company whose Web site invites visitors to "come inside to experience the hottest man-on-man action."

The conversation between staffer and Mayor had to go something like this: "Um, yeah. Soooooo, Mr. Mayor? I kind of learned how to forge your signature. And I kind of didn't realize what this Colt company was all about. Really, I thought they mass-produced 40's or something. Um, should I resign or do you want to publicly fire me?"

Here's my political aside: I think reasonable people can make reasonable decisions. On the one hand, there is an uproar over Ann Coulter's remarks about John Edwards (which some pundits see as not offensive in the least because, and I can't make this up, apparently all she was trying to do was to point out that it would embolden Al Qaeda if he were elected... Um, okaaaaaaaaaaay. You know, it's the old, "Faggot-embolden Al Qaeda: Potato-Potaaato" debate). And on the other hand, there is an uproar over the San Francisco Mayor's office deciding to dedicate a day for the hottest man-on-man action on the web.

There's a middle ground here, and I think that's where most people fit.

Regardless, both stories reek of pure comedic genius.

San Francisco Sports Owners Wipe Their Asses with $100 Bills

by SonDog

Maybe they have to overpay due to the over-priced cost of living?

First, the San Francisco Giants award lefty Barry Zito the most lucrative contract in history for a pitcher (7-years, $126 million). Are Giants fans thrilled to have Zito? Absolutely. Will this contract be an albatros if Zito underperforms or, worst case scenario, gets injured? Absolutely. Am I asking myself questions again, sounding more and more like Donald Rumsfeld with each post? Damnit. There's nothing really left to be said about this contract.

Not to be outdone, John York (the San Francisco 49ers numbnuts owner) decided on Saturday to make it rain on cornerback Nate Clements with an 8-year, $80 million contract, the richest in history for a defensive player.

On a side note: The phrase "Making it Rain" is officially up there with "foshizzle" for "Ghetto slang that is remarkably acceptable for white people to incorporate into everyday venacular." What that means for "Making it Rain" is that it will sadly be grossly over-used by sports writers, bloggers, Bill Simmons, et. al. over the course of the next three weeks. Mark my words. That being said, if Peter Gammons uses that phrase in any way, it most certainly would be a sign of the apocolypse.

Karl Ravich: "Peter, what are your thoughts on the Yankees trade for Johan Santana?"

Gammons: "Look, this shouldn't surprise anybody that George Steinbrenner went out and traded for the best pitcher in baseball. What would be surprising is if Steinbrenner chooses not to make it rain on Santana this winter when he's up for arbitration. I have a feeling...

Karl Ravich: "Wait... what in the hell did you just say?"

Gammons: "He's going to make it rain all over Santana, like Pacman in a nudie bar."

Karl Ravich: "Um... yeah."

Anyways, back to the Niners: The team announced the deal with Clements at a Saturday press conference. In said press conference, Clements was quoted as saying, "I really didn't expect to become the highest paid defensive player in the history of the game when I entered the free agent period, but... um... yeah... I'm happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm a Pro Bowl corner... but sweet Jesus. If I was playing GM mode in Madden 07, there's no way I would have made that deal. If I could describe how I was feeling right now in one word: Orgasm."

Okay, seriously, here's what Coach Nolan had to say about Clements:

I don't think of this in a money sense. I think of this as a good player.

Good for Nolan. And hopefully good for the Niners. Clements is a damn good cornerback, but he's no Champ Baily, which makes the value of the contract so surprising. However, after years of living through Salary Cap Hell and putting up with an owner that spends money like an 85-year-old in a nursing home, I am absolutely thrilled with the team's "Make it Rain" philosophy with regards to this year's free agent period.

Update: Robbed Worse than I Thought

by the butler

I'm pissed now. In a previous post I mentioned Dwight Howard's unexplainable snubbing from the Slam Dunk Contest Finals, which the entire planet seems to agree upon.

What I did not realize at the time - that snubbing prevented us from seeing this.

OH MY GOD! THAT'S THE SWEETEST DUNK IN THE HISTORY OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION!

Except maybe for this one.

I think MJ and Dr. J should have to pay some sort of fine or something. I'm honestly thinking of trying to get together a class-action lawsuit involving all of us who were deprived of such magnificence.

I love Howard's comment: "I was saving it," he said. "But that probably wouldn't be impressive, either, because I was too tall."

Mr. Dwight Howard, you sir, are my Slam Dunk Champion.