Man, Woody Paige is crazy

I seriously don't get this guy's style, aside from crazy. Crazy capitalizations, crazy word replacement, crazy threories. Paige's revolutionary recipe for Rockies' success this season? Aaron Cook must win games and pitch a lot of innings. The number two starter for the defending NL champs must win games.

On Cook's last Cactus League start:

His heavy sinker was sinking and confusing.

"It felt really good . . . I felt on top of my pitches . . . My arm felt perfect."

In conclusion, he felt it.

The fabled, "it." Cook didn't describe in an adequate manner how he felt. Paige knows. Cook felt "it." Baseball writers know what "it" is.

On Cook's contribution to last year's team:

Cook missed the entire incredible late-season run and the playoffs until Game 4 of the World Series, when he pitched an efficient six innings. But history says the Rox lost.

I don't get it. Couldn't you have just written, "But the Rockies lost in four games?" Wouldn't it then at least seem like you weren't trying to seem more, I don't know, less like some Hemingway wannabe? But history says the Rox lost, and the sun also rises.

On Cook's history as a Rockie:

He's actually had only one full season in the rotation. In 2006 Cook started 32 games but won only nine. In 2004 blot clots were discovered in both of Cook's lungs, and, after surgery, he went almost a year between major-league starts.

It is time for the 29-year-old right-hander to be somebody.

Rad.