Clusterfuck XLII - 1st half

The Sarah Conner Chronicles looks destined for Saturday afternoon. I want to like it, but I'm probably not going to watch.

Who the shit is Jordan Sparks? American Idol winner? What the fuck? Already Fox has too much to do with this. Why the shit is there a camera in every player's face? Why the shit are player's covering their hearts? This isn't the pledge of allegiance.

Up next, the Fox coin toss.

Oh, but first it's the Man of the Year Award, given to Jason Taylor. Ahh.

How many fucking captains do the Patriots have? Seven? Seven fucking captains?

There are people on the field telling other people where to stand. "No, no. This rectangle has to look perfect. No, Bill Walsh kid, scoot the fuck back!" That this whole nonsense is orchestrated is so nauseating.

A SuperTroy public service announcement about the Super Bowl being important? Rad.

Chris Meyers reports that Brady's ankle is pain free. Didn't this get taken care of a week ago? I mean, didn't this get taken care of a fucking week ago?!

Do pickup companies pay for these crazy contraptions that don't show that their pickups are good, but instead that they can be swung around real hard? Or can stop real fast? Or can battle some crazy monster?

Finally. Fucking kickoff. I turned on the television at 3:18, when the game was supposed to start. Thirty minutes later, we're ready to go. Christ.

Plaxico Burress catches a pass for a first down, then falls down before being touched to end the play. That's toughness.

SuperTroy says Eli has turned the corner. Eli audibles to a run in which Brandon Jacobs goes for 1 yard. Corner turning is overrated.

1st commercial: Bud Light. Seriously, Bud Light commercials are like watching Family Guy. They've got nothing to do with beer, like Family Guy jokes have nothing to do with Family Guy storylines.

Fox Brings you an aerial view of the roof of University of Pheonix Stadium.

1st Peyton shot comes with 9:00 left in the 1st quarter.

Rodney Harrison is a bitch. Nice celebration, bitch.

Tynes good. 3-0 Giants.

The pigeon/Fed-Ex commercial is funny. The talking stain commercial is really funny.

Oooooooooooooohhhh, Gizelle sighting.

Moose, Goose, and Kenny Albert bring you the Pro-Bowl. That sounds really super awful. Not only does watching the Pro Bowl suck, now listening to the Pro-Bowl extra sucks.

Brady sack. This is pretty boring football right now.

Another sack of Brady.

Carlos Mencia is not funny.

Bradshaw's batting an Eli fumble was amazing. Recovered by Steve Smith. I know it'll be a penalty on Bradshaw, but how awesome was that? That's probably the smartest play I've seen in a while.

Pats get the ball back with 2 minutes left.

"When we come back, it'll be the Patriots with the ball and one of the best ever at the two-minute drill." - Buck. Do you really need to build the drama?

The Giants' D is on it tonight.

"Now the Giants are getting it back." - Buck. He means momentum, not the ball. The next play is a Pats 1st down. Momentum in sports is not real.

Troy thinks the Giants want the ball back before the half is over. No shit.

Brady fumble. Joe Montana's not walking through that door, folks.

7-3 New England at the half.