Taking 2009 bets now

The Patriots are early, very early favorites to win the 2009 Super Bowl, aka Clusterfuck XLIII. This year's champions go off at 8/1, while New England starts out at 5/2 odds. In an even bigger 'fuck you' to the Giants, Dallas and Green Bay arae given better odds than New York. (Boston Globe)

The Rocket hits Congress to lie, er, testify about his embrace and extensive use, er, avoidance of PEDs. Is there a Bible involved? Does this guy even believe an oath means anything? It's clear he feels no devotion to or inclination toward truth. Will there be leaked testimony? By a member of his legal team? Where is the Clemens version of "Game of Shadows?" Where are the Williams and Fainaru-Wada's digging into ever aspect of his past? Where is the...ope, I went a little crazy there. Anyway, the slimeball douchebag is testifying today. (New York Post)

Ron Artest might be on the move again. Because most teams would be interested in a guy who's borderline (totally) unstable at best, has been a distraction (soap opera) at every stop, what with the law breaking and all, and plans on becoming a free agent this summer. (Sacramento Bee)

Plaschke's latest page-turd plot summary: No one believed in Eli, but he's good. Dry to dramatize an already dramatic event. Peyton mention. Brady mention. Old Eli cliches. Semi-local mention. Peyton mention. Homosexual description of Rodney Harrison. Some new mythical moment called 'The Yell" (which looked remarkably like an unraveling and is usually seen as a QB being a dick, but Plaschke describes with reverence). Plaschke foreknowledge of Eli's future magic. Another mythical moment Plaschke calls the "Hail Manning" (which implies the whole thing had more to do with David Tyree than Eli, but efforting to make Tyree sound legendary isn't as fun as putting all that work into a Manning). No one believed in Eli but Eli. (Los Angeles Times)

The Denver Post's Dave Krieger breaks down Roger Goodell's Patriots cheating explanation.
The evidence in question consisted of six videotapes and notes apparently taken from other videotapes, all of it in the Patriots' quest to record and analyze other teams' defensive signals. It has become known as Spygate.
No, dude. Hacky dicknose fuckwad lazy mail-it-in mediaites assigned it the name Spygate. Because all things cover-up must have a 'gate' after a short description. It's not you, Mr. Krieger. It's everyone.

Some Northern Californians weren't able to see the Super Bowl because of a contract dispute between Northland Cable and a semi-local Fox affiliate. Either the Northland owner is really stupid, or very slippery and wiggly, since it would be hard to own a cable provider without knowing the difference between network and non-network programming. (Redding Record Searchlight)