(drools)

Among Gene Wojciechowski's "15 Reasons Patriots Will Be Champs"?

1. Coach Hoodie - Hey, Hackdouche came up with a silly name for Belichick.
2. Rematches - The Pats have faced five opponents twice in this year. Surprisingly, I mean really surprisingly, since I didn't know the Pats haven't lost in a while, they are unbeaten in those second matchups. The Patriots haven't lost at all in the last twelve months, but it's the rematch factor that will make the difference.
4. Injury? What Injury? - Hackdouche thinks an article from 2001 which mentions a Tom Brady ankle injury foreshadows the future. He even mentions Brady's MVP award for that game, but forgets to mention the 86 passer rating or the 150 passing yards. I'm not as confident as Hackdouche that Brady's 2001 stats are going to win this game.
7. X Factor - I love when guys define the fabled X factor. Let me get out my X factor dartboard. Excuse me for a minute...hold on...almost...oooookay. Let's see, I've got some darts here. I'll throw this blue one with the checkers...WES WELKER! He's going to be the X factor. BH has a back-pat coming.
8. Experience - I like how the actual experience gained by getting to the Super Bowl doesn't matter. Remember when the Patriots beat the Rams in the Super Bowl two years after the Rams had won it?
10. Priorities - This one's about how Belichick will have figured out what the Patriots have to do to win. Kind of just like #1.
11. Respect - The Patriots have respect for the Giants, so the Patriots will win.
12. I'm just saying - a) that's not a fucking reason, and b) he writes that the Patriots have a good offense. Can I throw up on a computer and mail it to ESPN, because I think they'd feature it on their page.
13. Man crush - a) that's not a fucking reason, and b) Hackdouche cites a bunch of stats about why Brady is good. That's a lonely limb, Hackdouche.
14. Kevin Faulk - This is like picking a second X factor.
15. The Pick - Hackdouche's pick, to be clear. 15 reasons the Patriots will win, and Hackdouche gives us his pick as one of them. It's funny when writers kind of forget what they were writing about in the middle of a column.

I guess I could have just copied the whole thing. Anyway, I recognize that offering a critique of a Hackdouche piece is like when Eminem used to make fun of Brittney Spears, but come on. I mean, come on.