Stuff I Seen

posted by BH

Italy won the World Cup, but more importantly they won the "Fall Down Like Wieners After Little or No Contact and Exagerate the Pain As Though A Leg Needed Amputation" Cup. I'm pretty sure this was the largest collection of divers this side of (please insert some place where people dive a lot...I don't know). Zidane's head butt in overtime was pretty bad, but Materazzi's fall was Oscar-worthy. For a guy who acted like his sternum had just been split in two, exposing his heart and lungs to the gnashing teeth of the evil and ruthless Zidane, he sure was back in the game quickly. Dave O'Brien, who called the game for ABC, describing Zidane's move, was heard to utter the word, "vicious" at least eight times over the rest of the match. He also described it as classless, and thoughtless. Thank you, Mr. O'Brien, for trying to play ABC's version of Joe Buck. CALL THE GAME!! How has moral evaluation wandered into the realm of the sports broadcaster? Self righteousness is great. A quality we should all possess and exercise.

Nice catch the other night, Jim Edmonds. It was awesome how you did that thing you always do, in which you run just fast enough to be in the right position to make a great catch. You are the most over-rated fielder in the history of baseball.

Um, who voted for A.J. Pierzynski to make the All-Star team? Seriously. It has become my mission to find you and destroy your computer. I don't think that's enough though. You probably need to be sterilized. There is no justifiable reason you should be able to produce and raise children. Your tires need to be slashed. You shouldn't even get to own a dog. You shouldn't get to own a fucking roll of toilet paper. If you voted for A.J., I hate you. Piersynski? The guy who was on the ballot because he was on the receiving end of a ginormous ass-kicking? There's this Liriano guy in Minnesota who's pretty good, and, you know, deserving. There are seventy-three other guys who should have been on that team before Pierzynski. Were there not enough White Sox having mediocre seasons named to the team? If one were to spend three weeks teaching a nine-year-old little league right fielder to play catcher, you know who he'd be better than? A.J. Pierzynski.