Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Swings and Misses

posted by BH

Way to misjudge that Manny Ramirez fly ball last night, Lastings Milledge. WHERE'S YOUR VICTORY LAP AND HIGH FIVES NOW, BITCH!!

Michael Young was tossed from last night's Rangers/Giants affair. He threw his bat down after being called out on strikes to end the inning. This followed an arguement between home plate umpire Larry Young and Rangers catcher Rod Barajas, which was ignited after (Larry) Young called Brad Wilkerson out on strikes in the Rangers' previous at-bat. Mike Krukow argued that (Larry) Young was out of line in throwing (Michael) Young out of the game, using the age-old argument that people pay to see stars, not umpires. (Larry) Young had to throw (Michael) Young out of the game. Had he not, it woulf have been clear that (Larry) Young had lost conrol of the game. Poor assessment Part II: Krukow also argued that (Michael) Young was mad at himself, which necessitated the bat-throw. You can't throw a bat. Not in Little League, not in the Major Leagues. Secondly, what are the fans going to think? They don't think the bat-throw was a result of (Michael) Young's being mad at himself, especially after the altercation between Barajas and (Larry) Young. You can't show up an umpire. You can't show up an umpire. Let me repeat...YOU CAN'T SHOW UP AN UMPIRE.

What the hell was that lineup the Giants put out there? Who are these fucking guys?

God I'm glad the first base umpire blew that call of the first base foul line.

Tim Worrell should never, ever pitch in another game for the Giants. That's all I have to say about that.

What's it say that Armando Benitez was on the bench with the game on the line last night? Well, I guess we all know what it says. Prediction: Benitez gone by July 31st.

ESPN's Peter Gammons had an aneurysm yesterday. According to, Gammons is 61 years old. I thought he was at least 80. According t o ESPNnews, the network's "thoughts and prayers are with" Gammons and his family. Why do they always say this? I know you care about him. I don't care if your hate and poops are with him. It doesn't matter. Why do they say this?

Saturday, June 24, 2006

And Down the Stretch(mark) They Come!

by SonDog

Yesterday, I had the following brief email conversation with my good friend, mentor and colleague, Marybeth Showalter:

MB: Where is a good funny post about you and your life? I'm tired of sports. Get on it!

SonDog: I went to the doctor last week and was diagnosed with "slackassitis." It's a technical term, so don't worry too much about the definition. At any rate, my creative juices recently have been about as refreshing as a sand storm in Iraq and I haven't really been able to come up with anything that I think people will enjoy. Some people call it "writer's block," while others call it "fucking numbnuts plague."

However, since you requested it, I'll get one up in the next couple of days titled, "Down the Stretch(mark) They Come." I'll give you about one guess about what this one is... about.

So, thank you MB, not only for your delicate prodding, but for the last four years of company. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you will truly be missed.


The belly and ass regions are expanding by the day.

The exhaustion is at times crippling.

The morning sickness is making a surprise re-appearance.

The nervous energy is starting to take over.

Yes, that's right, I'm a wreck.

Fortunately, LeseDog and R.J. are doing just fine.

We're only about a month away from the soon-to-be celebrated birth of our son, but it feels like D-day is coming faster than anything I've ever encountered. I came to grips with the result of my incredible power of pro-creation months ago (I like to think of myself as an X-Men character at times -- The Procreator), but it still doesn't seem like this is really happening. Here's a few things that I've thought about, learned, or otherwise encountered over the last few weeks:

1) I will need to incorporate the words "poopy butt" into my vernacular very soon.

2) I can't wait to hold my son in my arms for the first time. On the other hand, I have trouble holding a whiskey in my hands from time to time... soooo... I'm scared to death about holding my son in my arms for the first time.

3) I will need to drastically reduce the frequency of the commonly used noun (or adjective, or verb) , "fucker."

4) I can freely admit that my son will be the savior of my liver. I haven't been sober for five months. I'm trying to get it out of the way now so my son can learn to speak by listening to something other than the non-sensical gibberish that comes out of his father's mouth on a nightly basis.

6) I've read three self-help books on sleep deprivation just to be safe.

7) I put together a crib without breaking one part. This, my friends, was one of the most incredible accomplishments in the history of my life.

8) I know more about strollers than I ever wanted to know. In fact, I fear it is taking over my mind. Sometimes I slip the word "stroller" in casual conversation without even stroller knowing it, stroller.

9) The reality of the situation really hits you when you take two, authentic, framed Irish Guinness posters off the wall in order to put up two, authentic, giant teddy bear with diapers wall decorations.

10) I know more about breast pumps than I ever wanted to know. Sometimes I slip the word "breast" and "pump" in casual conversations without even knowing it. For example, "By the way, your breast pumps look great today." The sad part is that this explanation for my perceived perversiveness never seems to work.

11) The primary debate at the moment between LeseDog and myself is deciding whether we should call the boy R.J. or Jackson. Thoughts?

12) And finally, I am coming to grips with the fact that I will soon need to trade in my manly truck for a more practical family vehicle. A lone tear comes to thine eye. However, if you ever see me driving a mini-van, I want you to shoot me. Shoot me right in the head. Then do it again.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

An Open Letter to Isaiah Thomas

posted by BH


Since retiring from basketball, you've been terrible at every job you've held. Have fun.

An Open Letter to Dirk and Mark

posted by BH

I didn't watch too much of the NBA Finals. I did watch game five, when you, Mr. Nowitski, and you, Mr. Cuban, acted like spoiled little bitches. Way to kick the ball into the stands, Dirk. Way to try to knock over the exercise bike. Yeah, your foul against Dwayne Wade was baloney, but maybe you could have handled it a little better. Way to cuss out the officials and David Stern, Mark, and way to deny that any of it ever happened. Damn, if I ever needed any reason to root against a team, I got it. You looked like stupid asses.

An Open Letter to Dirk and Mark

posted by BH

I didn't watch too much of the NBA Finals. I did watch game five, when you, Mr. Nowitski, and you, Mr. Cuban, acted like spoiled little bitches. Way to kick the ball into the stands, Dirk. Way to try to knock over the exercise bike. Yeah, your foul against Dwayne Wade was baloney, but maybe you could have handled it a little better. Way to cuss out the officials and David Stern, Mark, and way to deny that any of it ever happened. Damn, if I ever needed any reason to root against a team, I got it. You looked like stupid asses.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

More Giant Thoughts

by SonDog

-- Part of me wants to say that this team is too good to hover around the .500 in a very winnable division. Then again, after watching the Giants 1 & 2 pitchers get raked this weekend, and watching the offense once again channel their inept ways, part of me wants to say this is the way it will be all year. What a tough team to figure out.

-- Brad Hennessey and Jeremy Accardo pitched brilliantly on Friday night. Both guys seem to get better as the year progresses. It's a no-brainer that Hennessey will re-join the rotation if somebody goes down. He's likely becoming a shoe-in for next year's starting 5. Accardo looks more and more like a closer every time he pitches. I'm more comfortable with him ending the game NOW than I am with Armondo Benitez.

-- Benitez's rant last week in the Oakland Tribune should be automatic grounds for termination. Does the guy not understand that he's making more than the rest of the bullpen combined to be an effective closer, not a can of gasoline?

-- Travis Ishikawa sure looks good on defense. His bat doesn't seem to be ready for the big leagues yet, but he's got a polished glove at first base.

-- It was reported in the San Francisco Chronicle that Richie Sexson's name has been mentioned in trade rumors with the Giants. My question is, why? Sexson went into Saturday's game hitting all of .205. with virtually the same power numbers (10 hr, 49 RBI starting Saturday) as Pedro Feliz. Now, would the Giants sign Feliz to an extension starting at $14 million per season? Of course not. Then why would they even consider for a split-second trading for a first baseman with such a salary?

-- On that note, Brian Sabean is starting to piss me off a bit. Outside of Randy Winn, he's made more bad trades than good trades the past three years. This off-season will be telling. Jason Schmidt seems destined to join Seattle. Bonds looks like he's gone to become a DH. Mo Alou surely won't come back if they decide not to re-up Felipe. And the list goes on. Which reminds me, will Feliz get an extension before the end of the season? If not, he's likely gone to someone who decides to overpay.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Giant Thoughts

by SonDog

-- Well, that's enough of the Tim Worrell experience. Don't know if he's going to be released after giving up the granny to the Pittsburgh Pirates (who apparently have the best picthing staff in the National League... at least for SF hitters.). But he should be.

-- Saying that Jason Schmidt is in a groove would be a gross understatement. This is one of the best rolls he's been on in his career. While I didn't think the Giants should over-pay for him in the beginning of the season, I'm beginning to rethink that strategy. He anchors that staff and should be signed to an extension before he's allowed to hit the open market.

-- If Lance Niekro is put on the DL with a groin injury, Travis Ishikawa has an opportunity to take over first base permanently. From Baseball America's 2006 Prospect Handbook: "Since the Giants bought Ishikawa out of his Oregon State commitment with a $955,000 signing bonus as a 21st-round pick in 2002, they have waited for him to break out. The Giants always have believed in Ishikawa's bat and makeup. He's athletic and repeats a balanced, fluid stroke, and his swing has natural leverage that produces power. He projects as a .275 hitter with 20-30 homers annualy."

I would like nothing more than to see Niekro get in a groove and start mashing, but the guy is more fragile than a glass bird-feeder hanging off my back deck (not that I have experience in comparing the two. At this point, Ishikawa is a superior defender to Niekro and arguably has the same bat. Why not see what the kid can do?

-- When will Brad Hennessey get a shot to rejoin the rotation? I don't know the answer, as it's kind of a rhetorical question, but the guy has hit 94 with sink in each of his last three outings. Maybe he's better suited for the bullpen, as he never his 94 as a starter. I dunno.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Go Joe!

posted by BH

During tonight's ESPN broadcast of the Yankees/Red Sox game, Dan Shulman, trying to demonstrate how close the two teams have been, pointed out that of the last 99 meetings, the Yankees had won 50 games and the Red Sox had one 49. Joe Morgan responded, "It doesn't get any closer than that." Uh, unless the Red Sox had won 50, Joe.

Three minutes later, after a liner had gone by A-Rod leading to the go-ahead run scoring for the Sox, Joe said, "That's not an error." It was then ruled an error by the official scorekeeper. Joe, pissed, responded, "I guarentee they don't give anyone but A-Rod an error on that." I love when guys make arguments with things that haven't happened and are unverifyable.