Monday, April 28, 2008

It's become a punchline

Two guys walk into a turns to the other and says, "I need a drink.  My mother just died."  "Shit," the other says.  "Barry Zito."

Hahahahahahahaha.  Hahahahahahahahahaha.  Oh, my sides.  

The joke is on us, Giants fans.  We've got how many more years of the Zito pyrotechnics experience?   Now the Giants are looking at sitting him for a start or maybe sending him to the bullpen.  Of course, what Zito offers won't work, nor will it help in the bullpen.  No speed.  Little control.  That seems like a bad combination.  

And now the Giants are faced with truly he worst contract in baseball.  I've been a Zito supporter, and was never on the ripping-the-Giants-for-his-contract bandwagon.  At the time, that's what the free agent market was producing and the Giants bit.  I was excited.  Sure they'd spent a lot of money, but this was Barry Zito; a Bay kid; never missed a start; innings eater; played the guitar.  Now, pluh.  Maybe he still plays the guitar.      

I don't hate Zito.  I would never boo a guy for playing like shit if he's truly efforting.  Fuck knows he's been working his ass off to tweak this or that in an effort to gain back an inch or two on his fastball; to hit his spots with consistency.  I'm not a psychologist or a pitching coach.  I made five appearances in college and ended up with an ERA over 7.  But, my suggestion, as I'm sure Dave Righetti's must be, is just stop thinking about everything and pitch.  Zito is a golfer who's lost his natural swing.  Who ever thought Barry Zito would have become a head-case?

Friday, April 25, 2008

If Tim Lincecum played in New York...

Maybe his win last night would have been noticed east of Denver.  As it is, Lincecum's outdueling Chris Young to improve to 4-0, taking over the strikeout lead with 36, and lowering his ERA to 1.23 gets no love on's headlines, nor even on its baseball page headlines.  I generally don't waste time looking at the site or worrying about the network's lackluster approach to legitimate news.  But fucking come on.  Joba's first loss?  The Orioles beating the Mariners?  It's a small sample size, but the dude has become one of the best pitchers in baseball.  Can you imagine the reaction if he were doing what he's doing in Boston?  New York?  Fucking Atlanta or Florida for that matter?  You'd think he'd have at least gotten a mention.  Fuck, I know it's not about newsworthiness anymore.  I know it's a high school paper.  Fuck, though.  I mean fucking fuck.  Yes, I know.  Ripping on ESPN for its overwhelmingly and generally accepted East-coast bias is a bit, I don't know, boring and played.  But to call the network simply biased toward the East is inaccurate.  ESPN's eyes are glued to the east coast, but it's odd the things on which the network seems to focus.  Wait, no it's not.  Ratings.  Hits.  Page views.  Yes, that's it.  I understand now.  So I guess we'll watch Lincecum toil in that American Sports Siberia that is Northern California, making baseball history along the way, while ESPN "reports" on the "news" that is the state of Joba Chamberlain's soul or David Ortiz's cankles or Carlos Delgado's spot in the order.          

Thursday Night TV

Last night's '30 Rock' was amazing.  I'd put the episode in my top 10 episodes of anything ever.

As for 'Lost?'  Ben is fucking rad.  Ahhh, the transition from being despised to loved.  How did that happen?  It's nice that the suspicions or questions we've all had about Ben's connection to the black smoke, Jacob's connection to the black smoke, the black smoke's connection to the island, and Widmore's connection to Ben, are becoming more clear.  It seems like things move fast in the world of 'Lost' these days.  The entire first season could have been included in last night's episode.  Now it's like a whole lot of shit happens every single episode.  Thank God. 

I've lost interest in 'My Name is Earl.'  A buddy was over last night and asked, "Is he still in a coma?"  I guess.  Really, I didn't get into it last night which I think says something about how compelling it all seemed.   

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Kobe back in the Rockies; Female front desk clerks buy chastity belts

Great, great, great post on one of the greatest blogs going: With Leather discusses Kobe Bryant's LOOK AT MEEEE!! party last night against the Nuggets.

Sure, he may be the MVP of the league this year (although I would vote for Chris Paul, and not just because of spite), but he's also the undisputed Biggest Cocksmoke of Them All award winner. Read the post on With Leather, then watch the video. Or, watch the video, then read the post. The order doesn't really matter, I suppose.


Wednesday, April 23, 2008

What can you buy with $66.85 million?

A whole lot of over-the-hill, injured, or over-the-hill AND injured baseball players. That is, if your name is Brian Sabean and you think statisticians are just a bunch of nerds that don't know anything about baseball. According to, here are the top-10 Giants salaries for 2008:

1. Barry Zito: $14.5 million
2. Aaron Rowand: $9.6 million
3. Randy Winn: $8.9 million
4. Ray Durham: $7.5 million
5. Dave Roberts: $6.5 million
6. Bengie Molina: $6.2 million
7. Omar Vizquel: $5.0 million
8. Rich Aurilia: $4.5 million
9. Noah Lowry: $2.5 million
10. Brad Hennessey: $1.6 million

In total, these fabulous 10 players, all with meager to below average VORP numbers, comprise $66.85 million of the Giants' $76.1 million payroll. Unreal.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Back to reality

It was messy that Wednesday, my friends.  Brandon Webb made your 2008 Giants looks like swinging piles of goo.  

There were highlights, like Eugenio's double in the fourth, Bowker keeps hitting, and...and.  

The lowlights were plentiful.  Bocock error.  Three k's in the first.  Jose Castillo.  The continued dismissal of Aurilia's career.  And on.  And on.  

But I'd rather watch these Giants than those Giants.  Even last year's.  I'll take the kids and 130 losses before the geezers, no hope, and 124.  I've said this all before.  I'm just tired.              

Woody's World looks f-ing creepy

I'm sure most of the MHR readers, with our once-in-a-while focus on the incomprehensible Woody Paige, have seen the "Woody's World" box on the top of the Denver Post's sports page.  There's a picture of Paige, on camera, pontificating.  The view, of course, is really why anyone knows who Woody Paige is.  But this time he's speaking to no one.  No "Around the Horn" duels with Pageturd or J.A. Adande.  Just Woody, talking at you, the fan.  

I clicked in the box once, and watched thirty seconds of video before becoming physically ill.  The beauty of a good columnist/writer is that you'd never know they were writing for you, to you, or at you.  For all you know, they'd be writing what they write if no one were ever going to read what's been put in print or online.  Paige, though, doesn't feel that way.  Not only is he afforded a nonsensical column, but he's favored a video as well in order to get himself at you to name drop and spit crackers while he talks.  "All Paige, All the Time," reads the subtext under the "Post"'s banner.  

Now, as I say, I've only made it thirty seconds into a Paige Post clip, and he could use the forum to talk about Special Olympics triumphs or kids that get good grades, but it's unlikely.  And really, I'm just creeped out by the thing being called "Woody's World."  I can't help visualizing some crazy, abandoned third-rate amusement park in which the caretaker can't come to grips with the dilapidated nature of his place.  Ceramic clowns with tattered clothes and eyes that move back and forth; a little dog dressed in a tutu; empty popcorn bags drifting across your path; lots of shadows.  In all I guess I imagine a waaaaaaay less fun Pee Wee's Playhouse.  

So what's my point?  Nothing.  Woody Paige just either seems like he wants weird or batshit crazy to be his schtick, or he is really weird and/or batshit crazy.          

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Just to be clear, Jeff Pearlman is a slimy douche

I was saddened to see that the ever dick-sucky and slithering Jeff Pearlman was favored a Will Clark-bashing post on Deadspin.  Sad.  You know Pearlman.  In pictures and video of athletes being interviewed, he's the one that's just a hand holding a microphone.  You can't see his face.  Just a hand and a microphone.  He's the guy who gets up in the morning and tells his wife, "I'm going to be a man and make my money today by writing about how fat David Wells is," or, "I'm going to be a man and make money today by writing about how much of a bad guy John Rocker is."  He's made a whole career off of two lackluster bits in S.I., in which he was as much a part of the story as the subject.  He's ripped Barry Bonds for wearing #42 on Jackie Robinson Day. Nothing this clown ever writes is distinguishable from that written by an eleventh-grade journalism student.  A bad one.  One who only got into the class because his grandpa is the Assistant Superintendent and he needs a C- to be accepted into Douchebag Junior College.  Now it appears he's written a book on the Dallas Cowboys of the 1990's.  Provocative.  Something about Michael Irvin and cocaine?  Nate Newton?  Maybe a nugget about ladies and postgame festivities?  

So I don't give a fuck what Jeff Pearlman has to say about Will Clark.          

Hey, remember when 'Moneyball' was a failed concept?

And the A's were 9-5 with the best record in the AL anyway?  Yeah, that was crazy.  

Of course, when Jeremy Brown decided to retire, most all the Moneyball haters -of which there are seemingly many- cited it, him, as evidence that the concepts employed by Billy Beane -"Moneyball," they call it, like Beane and his cronies worship a religion called "Moneyball," kneeling under a giant open calculator- an utter failure.  All this despite the success of Theo Epstein and the Boston Red Sox; despite the A's contending year after year, with 2007 representing an aberration.  

But the hate has never really been about the concepts the A's and Red Sox and others use to evaluate talent in an effort to build a better team.  It's about not understanding VORP and ERA+ and EqA.  It's about not wanting to accept or even acknowledge those ideas.  Like ERA and RBI's and BA and how "clutch" a guy is and gold gloves won are all one needs to know baseball.  Never mind a columnist blasting "Moneyball" and its newfangled stats will use ERA and RBI's and other stats.  They'll say computers ruin the game.  All you really need to enjoy baseball is beer and dogs.  But I guess rather than just enjoying baseball however they want -with a beer and a dog or whatever- they have to make sure everyone is enjoying the game the same way.  Don't let numbers get in the way of your baseball.  Their baseball, I mean.  But here's the thing.  When I go to the park, I drink beer and eat shit.  Lots of shit.  I took my kid to his first game the other day and we had garlic fries, chicken strips, a dog, cotton candy, two sodas, and I had two beers.  I had a good time, and so did he.  And.  And I lamented Rich Aurilia's OBP.  The "Moneyball" ideas add to my enjoyment of the game, shockingly.  

The A's are 9-5, which means they've got the best record in the AL.  The team "Moneyball" created has failed the haters who thought this season in A's history was going to be a blogger-hating, nerd-bashing, calculator-crunching victory lap.  It may be still.  The A's are 14 games in and could tank the rest of the way.  But for now, shut the fuck up "Moneyball" cherrypicking douchefucks.  The A's are winning and "Moneyball" works.                 

Out of the cellar and into the streets!

Your 2008 San Francisco Giants are, wait...just saying it gets me a little teary...not...not in...last place.  Phew, I did it.  

What have we learned?  Hopefully that the team that played like shit against Los Angeles and Milwaukee is gone, banished to the depths of baseball oblivion where light-hitting .200 hitters are passed as every day starters.  These Giants, these 5-3 since that crummy start Giants, really have no starters in the traditional sense.  Okay, Rowand, maybe and Winn, definitely, but the rest of the pieces are, nay, must be interchangeable.  The injuries to Roberts and Rowand have opened spots with which Bochy can experiment, starting Bowker and Lewis in right and left and slotting Lewis in at leadoff with desired results.  Ortmeier and Velez get their turns, and we've seen that an on-base Velez changes the game.  I think it's telling that Velez went in for Durham on a double switch.  No way that happens if the manager believes it's essential to have Durham out there, as has been the case over his Giants tenure.  Maybe it demonstrates that Bochy realizes everyone's interchangeable on this team.  That's what we've really hoped for, right?  We knew our complaints to get Durham and Roberts and Aurilia out of the lineup were falling on deaf ears, knowing full well that Bochy and Sabean weren't going to out and out sit the three guys with pictures of the manager and GM getting it on in Bonds' old locker.  So Durham being recognized and used more like the role player he is spells success for us and these Giants.  Amazingly, Aurilia is still in there every day.  But these things take time, and change will come.  It has to.  

This is working a little right now, having less to do with some mythical and nonsensical feeling like 'momentum' or a 'vibe' or 'it,' having everything to do with playing good baseball in which guys get on base, pitchers get guys out, and everyone catches the ball.  Woofuckinghoo.  But Roberts is coming back.  Lowry is coming back.  Will it still work?  Well no, not if Bochy regresses and Roberts is anointed the everyday left fielder, trotted out there without fail to hit .227 and OBPing .301.  Lowry?  Who knows.  The Giants only sport one soft-tosser in the rotation right now, and that's not really flying.  Lowry's got better command than Zito though, and his stuff might be better at this point too.  But Sadly, Correia or Sanchez, the guys with the filthiness, are headed to the 'pen. 

We shall enjoy this while it lasts.  The two-weeks-from-now Giants are going to look a lot more OmarRobertsLowryish than this group. 

Monday, April 14, 2008


Oh My God...

Hoooooooooo Boy...

Hide the women and children...

I don't even know what to say... other than she could be a first round pick in this month's NFL draft. The 49ers could use a left tackle.

Serena Williams, ladies and gentlemen (of note -- the 90-year-old gold sweeper running away like he just saw Godzilla):

Obama is an elitist

And HillDog is an alcoholic. Just calling a spade a spade.

And she took a shot of Crown Royal... A CANADIAN whiskey?!?! Jesus. She doesn't even support the hard-working whiskey producers of our country?!?! Well, surely she's gonna just NAFTA all of the Jack Daniels distilleries to Mexico and Canada if she's elected!

I hate this part of politics. Hate it.

Let's get back to talking about things that matter, Hillary, mmmkay? I realize it's your last attempt to drive a wedge in between Obama and voters, but it's, you know, kinda late for that, don't you think? On the other hand, she would make an excellent VP candidate for McCain at this rate. The mere thought is enough to give Rush Limbaugh an epileptic seizure.

Offensive Juggernaut

The answer all along was getting Ray Durham and Dave Roberts out of the lineup - duh.  Is John Bowker the baseball reincarnation of Will Clark and Roy Hobbs?  Definitely, yes.  Can he be counted on to continue his hot streak?  Definitely, yes.  My prediction?  Bowker will make us all forget about Barry Bonds, finishing the year with 63 bombs, winning the MVP, ROY and Nobel Prize in baseball studliness.  Put it in the bank.

Tim Lincecum.  That's all.       

It's worrying that Bruce Bochy seems to use the same relievers every night.  Of the team's thirteen games, Jack Taschner has pitched in nine and Walker and Valdez have seven appearances each.  Taschner is on pace for a mid-July dead-arm DL trip.  

Sunday, April 13, 2008

The secret of my delinquency

I took the kid to his first game on Saturday.  Giants/Cards, Cain/Pujols and nosebleeds.  The Giants, desperately needing to fill AT&T Park, were running $11 specials in the view reserves.  So there you go.  Not interested in paying $30 for parking at the stadium, nor dealing with San Francisco game-traffic, we took the ferry across the Bay.  Much, much easier and enjoyable.  Especially for the kid.  As I expected would happen, we only spent two innings in our seats and spent the bulk of the rest of the game waiting in lines and walking from one side of the park to the other.  But the kid had a good time, riding the slides, hitting in the little kids' field behind the right field bleachers, and eating a shitload of junk.  

Not actually spending much of the day watching the game allowed me a chance at people watching, and I'll tell you this; AT&T Park has got to be the home of the douchebag.  And they've all seemingly got hot girlfriends.  I mean what the fuck kind of world is this?  Jesus.  It was like some douchebaggery hot-spot.  Is it possible the universe conspired with itself to collect every dumbfuck that looks like every other dumbfuck in the Bay Area to get them to the game?  Oh, shit.  I was there.  What does that mean?  Seriously though, it had to be like "I'm-trying-to-look-like-the-guy-on-the-sailboat-in-the-Polo-ad-I-saw-in-GQ douchebag heritage day."  Something.  


-As I chased the kid around the stadium, I couldn't help but become aware that Cain had a no-no going for a while.  When he hit the bomb, I knew the game was fucked because a guy pitching a no-hitter and hitting a home run in the same game can't happen for a Giant.  He got a nice ovation after giving up a hit in the 7th.  

-John Bowker's first ML hit was a line-drive up the middle, and aside from hitting one out in your first at-bat, I can't imagine a better way to get things going.  An excellent way to build on that would be to hit on out in your second AB, which he did.  Geeyah.  

-I stood behind the bleachers with the kid on my shoulders just in time and just long enough to watch Tyler Walker revert to the 2005 version of himself.  The bullpen has been so good, but ate a huge shit on Saturday.

-We watched the 9th and 10th from under the wall in right.  Awesome.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

We don't do a lot of linking to other blogs here at MHR*, which we admit is somewhat sinful.  We read other blog posts, yet generally enjoy them solo.  That said, please read the 4/10 post over at FJM, entitled, "Heady Days.".  It is, undoubtedly, in the all-time top 3 FJM posts debate.  At some point when my kid can read, I will have him read it.  Jim Armstrong at AOL presents an argument from 1998, and the ever-fabulous Ken Tremendous has a good time.   

*Fuck, the guy who's supposed to scour the blogosphere in the morning for links has been missing for like three months.  I'm more worried about our links than why I haven't heard from him and why his mother calls me crying about his disappearance.   

Speaking of deification

I'm so sick of this fucking guy and his double-talk bullshit let the media stroke me crap.  Jesus, Brett.  Just go away.  

Gosh, who's playing in this golf thingy?

I can't tell.  Really, can we tone down the Tiger-worship just a tad. has up a picture that you know is worthy of Tiger's fireplace mantle, and is probably actually headed for the ESPN Headquarters fireplace mantle.  Visual deification?  I know the self-proclaimed "Worldwide Leader" is broadcasting the first two rounds and that Tiger supposedly drives ratings, but come on.  Inflating the already inflated opinion of Woods, simultaneously, openly diminishing the significance of the tournament's other participants, is stupid on a self-righteous 10th-grader scale.  

Listen, ESPN.  Let me tell you what the rest of us already know.  We recognize greatness.  We know when we see it.  We know when we see a great golfer or a great quarterback or a great baseball player, without the constant, overwhelming, nauseating fawning that you as a network insist upon heaping on Green Jacket Jesus.  Tiger Woods is a great golfer.  Maybe the best ever.  Maybe.  But doesn't it do him and us a disservice that you apparently feel it necessary to not only saturate your coverage with everything Tiger, but saturate it with schoolgirl crush coverage of deity Tiger?  It's a little much.        


Yes, it's going to be that hard every night

You might go to bed before the game is over, thinking, "I hope they don't waste this Sanchez start."  You might wake up in the middle of the night wanting to walk to the computer or hop on your phone and check the score.  But waking up bright and early to find the Giants pulled it out and that the hero was amazingly, incredibly Daniel Ortmeier, is a sweeeeeeet way to wake up.  

That's usually going to be me on nights I've got the kid.  We head to bed around 9 to 9:30, put on "Bee Movie" for the 57th time or "Spongebob" or something, and I don't get to see the end.  Last night I was able to see the game into the seventh, when Valdez came on to bail out Sanchez in his only rough inning.  I actually had a dream about the ending.  A Hoffman save preserving a 0-1 Giants loss in which Jim Edmonds drove in the go-ahead run.  

Sanchez had probably his best game in the majors, striking out 10 and lowering his ERA by 9+ points.  Tyler Walker is still managing to get guys out, having more K's than hits allowed and a WHIP of .92.  Tasch: beard.  Valdez: stud.  And in a night of every guy having mattered - hmmm, actually every win is going to be like that - Ortmeier unloaded a shitpile of weight with his game-winner.  I think we've all been pulling for him, feeling the simultaneous mix of worry and dread and tempered optimism recognized by those who've witnessed the ascension and flailings of the J.R. Phillips and Lance Niekros and look at Aurilia at first base and want more.  So maybe Ortmeier's hit is the start of something bigger.  Oh, god I hope so.  

At 3-6 this might be the closest the team gets to .500 this season, but that doesn't matter.  These victories are multiplied in our minds, meaning more than the 2002 or 2005 version of me could have understood.  Those teams were supposed to win, and we were a spoiled group.  This team is supposed to blow, and real victories on top of moral ones bring a joy the old me only dreamt of.  Already I feel closer and more invested in these Giants than I ever did at any point during the Felipe Alou, post Kent era.  

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Aaaahhhhhh, burn. Torch route changed?

Gavin Newsom has balls.  Not normal to teeny ones like like those sported by myself, but huge, heavy, wet balls.  San Francisco city officials, including Newsom and Police Chief Heather Fong, chose to "augment" the route prior to it's being undertaken by torch-bearers.  Predictably, despite actually having held a protest, protesters were upset the torch didn't pass by their locations.  San Francisco Supervisor and renowned douchebag Aaron Peskin said, 

-"Gavin Newsom runs San Francisco the way the premier of China runs his country - secrecy, lies, misinformation, lack of transparency and manipulating the populace.  He misled supporters and opponents of the run. People brought their families and their children, and (mayoral officials) hatched a cynical plan to please the Bush State Department and the Chinese government because of the incredible influence of money.  He did it so China can report they had a great torch run.  It's the worst kind of government - government by deceit and misinformation."

To which a legion of normals replied, in unison, "Hey, Clownpenis!  Shut the fuck up!"  That, my friends, was magical.  

Peskin, of course, is not worried about "families and their children," and any assertion on his part to the contrary is simply a lie.   

Seriously though, I feel bad for the people who brought their families to the event in hopes of seeing maybe a once-in-a-lifetime sight.  But to solely blame Fong and Newsom would be to underwhelmingly forget the primary force behind the switch; the protestors.  The protestors as a whole were upset that their organized protest was, in essence, protested.  If the point of a protest is to fuck things up to gain awareness of a point, then the city, Fong and Newsom succeeded.      

Do you think the pit crew was ever the least bit curious as to why he lost 100 pounds in two weeks?

I mean, you have to be bat-shit insane to do what NASCAR driver Aaron Fike did before driving NASCAR truck at speeds up to 180 mph. According to his interview with ESPN the Magazine, Fike admitted to booting black tar heroin... ON FUCKING RACE DAY!

In his first in-depth interview since being arrested for heroin possession last
summer, the 25-year-old said he had been using heroin for eight months and
suffered from a dependency on painkillers for six years before that. In the
weeks prior to his arrest, his once-a-week experiment with heroin had become a
daily routine, including the days he was competing in the NASCAR Craftsman Truck

NASCAR officials, when informed of Fike's admission, said the league
has kept an eye on the more proactive random drug testing policies recently
ramped up by the "Big Four" major league sports but point to the list of recent
suspensions as proof that the current policy is working.

Um, yeah. I'd say NASCAR isn't doing the best job with its drug testing. Just a thought. Somehow, Congress has to call a hearing about this.

I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't ask

What the fuck is Candace Parker wearing? Is that a sweatshirt under her uniform? (from TBL)


Lincecum. Is. God.

1-161, you sneer?  Ha.  Fuck you then.  Our San Francisco Giants will not reach the dreaded 161-loss mark, thanks to - again - Tim Lincecum, Bengie Molina (sigh), and, unbelieveably, Brad Hennessey.  Hennessey had looked awful all season, including spring training.  Even two shutout innings last night lowered his ERA for the year to 14.40.  But hey, he was good again for one lone night, and that's all that matters here in Giantstopia.  Be good for one night.  Molina is what he is.  Two bombs?  It might be the only time this season that happens, but last night he looked like a cleanup hitter.  

Television had Lincecum's first pitch at 101 and second at 102.  It was obviously running hot and was turned off for a few pitches.  When turned back on, he was consistently in the 95-97 range, topping out at 99.  His night was a 6 inning, 1ER, 1BB, 7K tough luck no-decision, but it's become clear he's already become the Giants' best pitcher and is gaining recognition around the league.  

- Daniel Ortmeier was picked off at first after singling in the fifth.  Said Mike Krukow, "One thing these Giants are good at this year is getting picked-off."  That's three, by my count.

- Merkin Valdez has K'd more guys than given up hits to this point.  Last night, only his fastball was working, but he was fine.  Dude, that kid is good.

- Jack Taschner has to keep the beard.  You know he knows he looks manly and intimidating.  You know he stands in front of the mirror before each game, chanting something about the mystical power of the beard.  I mean, at least that's what I do.         

- Tyler Walker has Rick Reuschel butt.  

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

So it begins

The great protest of our time.  Oh, well, that may be a bit of hyperbole, but one can't help but expect the ever-passionate city of San Francisco to put on a doozy of a show.  Fuck, for those looking for an American protest, could there have been any better city for the torch to visit in the U.S.?  No, not really.  And now that Paris has done so much to disrupt the torch relay, essentially raising the fuck-you-up bar, wehell, we can certainly expect something magical.  Transcendent.  Protestriffic.  Right?

Protests in San Francisco started gaining attention yesterday (the picture at right) and continued today.  Well, really they probably happen everyday - fuck, this is the Bay Area - but that it got going days ahead of the torch's arrival, with today's attracting a crowd in the 500 range, is significant.  San Francisco is a beautiful, amazing, eclectic and fucked-up city, and it's going to be interesting to see what the citizenry has in store.  Paris got the flame out?  We'll throw that torch in the bay.  Parisians threw bread and lettuce?  We'll throw focaccia and avocados.  

So the big show will hit tomorrow.  Welcome to America, torch.        

Are you from the '30's?

Ken Rosenthal attributes the Cards' hot start to, wait for it,

"...the moxie of manager Tony La Russa, the continued ascent of center fielder Rick Ankiel, and the good fortune of opening at home against the struggling Rockies and wobbly Nationals. (emphasis mine)"

And then something about pitching.  Well, the focus of the piece is pitching, actually not LaRussa or Ankiel, or the Rocks and Nationals.  But really, "moxie?"  I don't know.  I can't really say I'll ever use that word to describe anything, ever.  "He's got moxie."  "He's fuuuuull of moxie."  "I don't know, Bob.  The kid can't hit, but I've got moxie."  Maybe we can nominate LaRussa for "Moxiest Manager of the Year."  

Hilldog, noooooooooo...

Goddammit, why'd you do that?  

The violent clashes in Tibet and the failure of the Chinese government to use its full leverage with Sudan to stop the genocide in Darfur are opportunities for presidential leadership.

These events underscore why I believe the Bush administration has been wrong to downplay human rights in its policy towards China. At this time, and in light of recent events, I believe President Bush should not plan on attending the opening ceremonies in Beijing, absent major changes by the Chinese government.

She is absolutely right to suggest that the current situation presented is an opportunity for presidential leadership.  GWB has been strangely, sadly meek regarding the topics of Darfur and Tibet, certainly because the U.S.'s relationship with China is an always changing, never clear, give and take clusterfuck, without the possibility that one of the two countries ever taking an overt, cock-measuring stance against the other won't lead to a major international incident.  

So Bush is not going to skip the Olympic opening ceremonies, nor should he.  Like him or not, he is the President of the United States, and the Office has to attend.  But beyond U.S./China relations, politicians or leaders should never fuck with the Olympics.  That is supposed to be one of the beauties of the games.  The event is not a pawn.  The athletes themselves, are not pawns.  Jimmy Carter fucked the dreams of hundreds of U.S. athletes, their parents, coaches, friends and others in 1980 upon boycotting the Moscow games.  Hilldog's not calling for a complete boycott, but the message is the same; the Olympics is not immune from politics, as it was meant to be.  

Let the athlete boycott.  Let the athlete raise a fist.  But don't you Mr. or Mrs. Politician, Hilldog, choose this event, in which you have invested nothing and these athletes who have worked harder than few can understand have invested everything, as a trophy.         

Monday, April 07, 2008

Tired = so-so post?

Championship game?  Meh.  I don't care two shit-dangling ass pinches about Memphis or Kansas.  Once UCLA and UNC were gone, thus crippling my bracket, my heart and my interest, that was that.  Kansas in OT?  Okay.  

Long day at work.  Kid-wrangling takes its toll from time to time.  On top of the normal kid shit that goes on when you work with them, they are all sick right now.  All of them.  I feel so covered with snot I think my whole body might glow under a blacklight.  

The Giants lost.  Once again Eugenio Velez was a spark, hitting his second triple of the year, but, you know the rest of the story.  No threat of a rally.  No offense.  Surprisingly shitty turd-throwing from Matt Cain.  Fuck.  It's a crazy fucked-up situation when your best hitter is Bengie Molina and your best pitcher is Tyler Walker.  Gah, I'm so confused by this thing.     

...unless you're a Giants fan

Well that was a crazy openingish week in baseball.  Meant to spend all season in the crapper?  Hell no.  Laugh in the face of the naysayers.  "Nay, you say?  We're 5-1, bitches," says Rick Ankiel and his undetectable HGH.  "Eat my balls," says Aubrey Huff of the 4-1 Orioles.  "Tigers?  More like faggots," says...uh...Mark Grudielanek and the Royals?  And there you have the kings of the "huh?"'s.  The Detroit Tigers, supposed to go 160-2, are 0-6.  No one's panicking in Detroit, but no one's happy either.  Philly and New York, similarly predicted to compete all season at the top of the division, are flailing a little.  "Hey!  Heilman!  Ya fuckin' up Santana's fuckin' season, ya fuckin' douchebag," was yelled at televisions throughout the New York area.  No one thinks the Phils or Mets or Tigers are going to spend the season at the bottom of their respective divisions.  If a team goes through a 2-3 or 2-4 or 0-6 stretch after they've reached their 75th game, no one really worries.  When it happens to start the year, douchebags with computers write sadly unfunny posts on their sadly unfunny blogs.  

Then their are your 2008 San Francisco Giants.  They are who we thought they were.  Barry Zito, doing his best impersonation of a number four starter, would be fine playing for a team with the ability to put up 5 (probably more like 7) runs per game, but these Giants have given him zero runs in two starts.  The team has two home runs, an OBP of .274, and it's best plate appearances have come from Eugenio Velez and Brian Bocock.   Aaron Rowand has been good, but is now hurting.  Aside from those three, the bright spots have been Lincecum, Cain, Valdez and Wilson and, to a lesser extent, despite giving up 8 runs the other day, Jonathan Sanchez.  But this is really what we'd hoped the Giants would be.  We hoped the young guys would a) get a chance to play, b) play well enough to continue getting a chance to play and c) kind of give a sliver of hope for the future, and that's what's happened.  Would wins be nice?  Of course.  But anyone bummed about the 1-5 record didn't sufficiently recognize and prepare for the realities of this season.  One gets the impression those people would be Brian Sabean and Bruce Bochy, since they seem to be the most prominent and visible proponents of the San Francisco Giants Retirement Facility.  Yes, they have given the younger players a shot, yet reluctantly, and usually following an injury to an older guy.  This is a 'silver-lining' type of year.  100 games in, will that be enough?  Iuhnno, but right now it is.     

Sunday, April 06, 2008

An offensive explosion

I'll take what the Giants did yesterday.  Sure, they lost the game 5-4, but with the lone exception being Ray Durham at second, came closest yet to starting the young lineup we have been asking for all winter.  Not surprisingly, the result was not having to string together four straight singles to score a sad, lonely run.  Eugenio Velez tripled, Daniel Ortmeier stole two bags and Brian Bocock continued to get on base at a Bondsian clip - yet was picked off again - all resulting in the Giants most exciting loss of the season.  And really, that's what we are hoping for, right?  Losses that make us happy.  As we've said in the past, if this team is going to lose, let's at least see them lose in a way that excites us.  That is, without the Aurillias and Durhams* and Roberts and Castillos and...gasp...Vizquels in the way of players whose playing might help the team in a year.  Now we see that the kids' playing now helps the team now just like we hoped it would.  As I wrote in this post almost a week ago**, the Giants benefit absolutely nothing by starting the Aurillia, Durham, Roberts, Castillo lineup, and everything to gain starting the youngsters.    

*I'm aware of the irony involved in complaining about Durham's playing time after he hit a home run yesterday.

**Citing yourself in any circumstance in support of a theory is always a good idea.          

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Jesus walks

Blue Jesus, of course.  Everybody here okay with that?  I guess I should ask, anybody here not okay with that?  No hands?  Excellent.  Than let's proceed.

It seems Jay Bilas's schoolgirl/stalker/rapist/Deliverance-hillbilly man-crush on Tyler Hansbrough did as much to bring wrath to the legend that had become Blue Jesus as anyone else.  Hansbrough himself had done more than thought possible to overcome the dreaded "Doucheface" moniker, most recently reserved for Eli Manning.  But the Bilas-love was Hansbrough's Judas.  It betrayed him when escape seemed at hand for Blue Jesus.  Inevitably, unfortunately, history will remember UNC's #50 for a bloody nose and making crazy faces all. the. time.  Oh, and losing to Kansas


Doucheface, in all his basketball significance, could not play savior to Kansas's worldly sinner.  He was no Romeo to Kansas's Tybalt, no Road Runner to Kansas's Wile E. Coyote, no Sandler to Kansas's Carrot Top, no


What was I talking about?  Yes.  Okay.  Doucheface is done, thank God.  A month ago, I really could have given or taken Hansbrough and UNC.  But a tournament's worth of ball-washing at the hands of analysts and commentators alike became enough to turn even Hansbrough's parents into KU's biggest fans for a night.  The kid is good at college basketball.  Clearly, one of the best as his numerous player of the year awards - of which there seem to now be 9,736 - and All-American status attest.  But fuck, I know.  Few root for the player everyone continues to hear praised.  It was inevitable that at one point we would sort of throw up our lunch at the Bilases and Packers and Vitales of the world treating Doucheface as though he were basketball porn.  "Oh, look at that, the way he handles the ball.  He just knows where to put it when it's in his hand.  Ooooh.  And he's so powerful.  Look at that..." and so on, leaving fans wondering about spooge stains under that announcer's table at Tar Heel games.  Was Doucheface as hated or reviled a player as Duke's Greg Paulus?  No, probably not.  In a way, I'm sort of sad at the way I took pleasure in UNC's Saturday night loss to Kansas; at Hansbrough's impersonation of Gino Torretta; the way Hansbrough challenged KU shots by flopping.  I think it was more the Doucheface circle-jerk I was rebelling against than Doucheface himself.  Which, is kind of sad.

Inevitability: by guest blogger Bill Plaschke

The hearts of Bruin Nation are broken.


A campus waits until next year.


Ladies and gentlemen, NCAA basketball's Philadelphia Eagles.

Ben Howland as Andy Reid.

Guided the almost good enough to within reach of excellence.

But failed. 

Kevin Love as T.O. 

The new guy, probably only around for one season, meant to get the team over the top.

But couldn't.

Darren Collison as Donovan McNabb.

At the helm for each of the team's runs, who's efforts the team couldn't live without.

But weren't good enough.

So in the end, the Bruins are empty-pawed

Yes, they won the PAC-10 regular season title.  Yes, they won the PAC-10 tournament.  


Ask those Eagles what they remember about their runs toward the Super Bowl four straight seasons, and to a man they'll tell you it was coming up short.  

Ask these Bruins what they'll remember about this season, and to a man they'll tell you it was coming up short.  

They won't remember the overtime win against Stanford.

They won't remember the win against Cal to end the season.

They won't remember edging out Texas A&M or Western Kentucky's comeback in the tournament or cutting down the nets n Phoenix.

They'll remember failure.

The UCLA Bruins; college basketball's New York Yankees.  

Built to win every year.

This year.

Like those New Yorkers in pinstripes, UCLA expects to contend every season.  

Even when talent argues with reason.  

Like those New Yorkers in pinstripes, anything less than a title is failure.

But the Bruins had the talent this season in Love, Collison, Shipp, Westbrook, Mbah a Moute. 

All year we heard UCLA fans scream that Howland getting this team to San Antonio would not be enough, given the weapons compiled this season in Westwood.

In the end, it is not.

These Bruins are more Eagles than Patriots.

More Yankees than Red Sox.

More failures than winners.

...she said with a deep voice and dangling balls

So in the first semi-tiring, semi-high profile BALCO case to go to trial, decidedly grody cyclist Tammy Thomas was found guilty of perjury, obstruction of justice, and promoting a new examination of the word 'bicycle.'  Demonstrating that she does not suffer from any sort of steroid-related emotional control issues, after being found guilty she yelled at jurors, "I already had one career taken away from me.  Look me in the eye. You can't do it," and to the prosecutor, "Look me in the eye .... You like to destroy people's lives."  During the trial, a University of Colorado endocrinologist testified to the existence of all the dreaded and telltale signs of manishness in Thomas.  Yuck.  I don't want to be so good at anything that I'd allow my body to change so radically, I think.  Well...yeah, yeah, I'm sure.  

Of course a significant reason the Thomas trial has been watched with interest by more than those at VeloNews and Bicycling Magazine is the impact it is expected to have regarding the Barry Bonds perjury trial likely to hit sometime in 2009.  This trial at least gave everyone a bit of a heads-up about the thoroughness and effectiveness of the government's evidence and approach to the BALCO umbrella of violation.  In this morning's San Francisco Chronicle, Gwen Knapp called the gov't's case against Thomas a "slam dunk," while referring to the Bonds case as a "long three-pointer," reasoning that the Bonds case contains very little actual evidence, even less of which can be corroborated by witnesses.  I don't know, really.  Who outside of Bonds, his pals, family and the extra-fervent die-hardiest of the Giants' die-hards actually really is interested at this point?  The MSM still follow this story because, after all, it is still a story regardless of whether or not baseball fans care any more.  But I'm not sure I'm worried about the outcome of the Bonds case, aside from maybe, post-trial saying, "Oh, okay, he was found not guilty," or "Oh, okay, he was found guilty."  It all equals a giant...meh. 

Friday, April 04, 2008

'There's a 4:30 in the morning now?'

My day started pretty early as I recently signed up to do some volunteer work during the morning shift for the local NPR station during its pledge drive.  Of course, being at the station so early caused me to miss the most pressing news of the morning, which was, of course, nothing.  What a boring day, so far.  Maybe Brett Favre's coming back?  Who cares outside of Green Bay, Peter King and other media sycophants.  Mike Montgomery's on his way to Cal?  Nice job Bears.  Foxsports douche Kevin Hench - the Kevin Hench who was hammered for making fun of Rocco Baldelli's career-threatening condition - writes that the A's crumminess signals the "Continuing downfall of Moneyball," citing as one example Bobby Crosby's low OBP, even though it really means nothing since the very fact the Crosby's low OBP kind of demonstrates that Hench understands that OBP is important in baseball, a key component of the type of philosophy used by various people, including Billy Beane in the book, "Moneyball."  Then he has to get really stupid with RBI's and BA's.  Make sure you read the book before you try to deconstruct it like a stumbling buffoon.  Or at least recognize you should probably use numbers valued by the system your attacking when attacking it.  It's always a little bit fun when doucheclowns go after "Moneyball" by ripping on the A's, when the Red Sox are busy winning World Series under Beane apprentice/disciple Theo Epstein.     

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Larry Bowa: Kiiinda crazy

If you were lucky enough to see it live on Tuesday night or more likely, replayed all over the place, Larry Bowa's argumentsnapejectionexplosiontantrum was, in typical Bowa style, fucking rad.  The game's plugging along, Matt Cain's doing what he can to keep the Giants in the game, the Dodgers are kind of threatening...BAM!  Bowa explodes!  Excellent.  Excefreakinlent.  But then he had to go get all nutso after the game, and again after he was handed a three-game suspension, ruining the fun.  Bowa's primary gripes, you ask?

-the rule that a base coach must stay within the coaching box is stupid.

-the rule that you are fined and/or suspended for bumping an umpire during an argument is stupid.

-that steroid users are playing baseball and he's suspended for violating a rule, multiple rules actually, is stupid.

-Bob Watson is stupid, and seemingly, no, definitely vendictive

Watson cited the reason for the suspension as "inappropriate and aggressive conduct," which is about the best nice description of Bowa's actions.  Totally entertaining, but obviously over the line.  Considering the coaches-box rule is enforced universally, has been in place since February and was being violated by Bowa, yeah, I think maybe he was a dumbfuck for exploding and for one millimoment professing he has been unfairly singled-out.  Bowa was looking for a fight; he was angry that day, my friends; like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.  Kind of like when your driving home and a car in the lane next to you puts on its signal to move into your lane, and there's plenty of room, but you speed up and he has to make a hole and you flip him off and if you're a douche you're riled up about the whole thing for the next few hours and telling anyone you know about how some fuckface cut you off, when really, you know the whole time, THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN THE FUCKING BOX LIKE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO AND JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE WHOLE THING BECAUSE YOU'RE A STUPID RED-FACED ASSHOLE HEART ATTACK WAITING TO HAPPEN.  Shit, I hit the 'Caps Lock' button by mistake.  Oops.  Anyway, we all love watching you blow up.  Don't diminish it by taking it all too seriously.  

My mind is literally going to explode, ex. 27

Bob Brenley, during today's WGN telecast of the Cubs/Brewers game, referring to Monday's Fukudome home run:

"We were literally rocking up here in the booth..."


Later in the 4th inning, Cubs have the bases loaded and no outs when Len Kasper is heard to utter - this is me paraphrasing - "This is why this is the greatest ballpark in baseball.  Bases loaded, forty degrees, fans on their feet, feels like the postseason."  Dude.  Homer, dude.  I know Cubbie announcers have always had that reputation, but come on.  You just described every stadium in baseball right now.      

Another example of the liberal use of "moment"

Remember when Major League Baseball unveiled its Top 10 moments in baseball history, and like four of them weren't actually moments?  

-Joe DiMaggio hits in 56 straight games
-Ted Williams is last man to post .400 average
-Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa surpass Roger Maris' single-season home-run record (that might not make the list next time, BTW)
-Cal Ripken breaks Lou Gehrig's consecutive games streak

Now, the good people at the Los Angeles Times are asking fans,  "What is your favorite Los Angeles Dodgers moment?"  Some choices...

-Dodgers sweep Yankees in 1963 World Series
-Don Drysdale's six consecutive shutouts
-Fernando mania arrives in 1981 
-Orel Hershiser's scoreless innings streak  

Here at MHR, we've decided to start our own "greatest moments in ______________ history" poll.  So here we go:

What is your favorite moment in the history of Earth?

-The transition from the Paleolithic to the Mesolithic Period
-The gradual human migration from Africa to Asia
-The building of the Egyptian pyramids
-The entire existence and influence of the Roman Empire
-The Industrial Revolution
-The 20th Century
-The NL West pennant race of 1993
-Any video of a guy getting hit in the nuts  

Quite frankly, I'm a fan of the Romans, but 'football in the groin' had a football in the groin.  

That's them

Oh thank God.  Giants win 2-1 in a somewhat disjointed game.  But the win.  Aaaahhhhh, the win.  Tim Lincecum and Merkin Valdez were the stars as Valdez struck out four (4!) in two innings (fucking stud), and Lincecum, who Giants fans are waiting to watch fall apart like some Wile E. Coyote Acme car, pitched on both sides of the hour-plus rain delay, scored the winning run and got the win.   It isn't like Giants fans worried the team was actually going to start the season with 162 straight losses, but we weren't dismissing the idea that the team might challenge the Orioles 0-21 start in 1988 or the 1893 Green Lake Petticoats 0-37.  Everything has to go right for these Giants to win a game.  The old Giants, my younger self's Giants, could fall into a win once in a while.  But hope, as the old proverb goes, makes you feel like a fucking moron dumbass sucker as you watch your team stumble and bumble and single and cough up leads on their way to uninspiring losses.  But hey, they won last night.  And sort of with the lineup (sans Ortmeier in favor of Aurillia, for some fucking reason, and Rajai Davis in left over Fred Lewis) we all wanted to see.  Brian Wilson got a four-out save and the bullpen as a whole was exactly what they need to be (not made of unleaded and extra-dry fir) and Eugenio Velez was on base twice and stole a bag (der).  

I'm excited.  Are the Giants turning the mythical corner, gaining some non-existent momentum, feeling the columnist-invented "it," in the proverbial zone?  No.  They won 2-1.  They've scored four runs in three games.  But no team likes losing, and these Giants and more importantly, I, will be happy with any score that finds the Giants with more runs than the opponent, achieved in any manner.  I used to take losses hard.  Now not as much, and wins are far more enjoyable this way.    

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

I thought better of it

I made the mistake of turning on the Arizona/Cincinnati game, forgetting it would be called by the Thom Brenneman.  No way.  That's not happening in this house.  Fortunately I tuned into the Cards/Rocks game in time to see Rick Ankiel's first bomb of the year, then hear the Cards announcers, freshly without Joe Buck, wash his balls.  And I'm not joking about this...Babe Ruth's name was mentioned.  Roughly...

"Tonight we've seen him go from first to third on a base hit, make a good catch, and hit that home run...and he used to be a pitcher."

Right, we know.  But now he's not.  Stop talking like him having once been a pitcher earns him extra points.       

[update]: I'm really happy I didn't listen to the douchebags.  From Awful Announcing.

I Am a Robot...I Feel Nothing...I Want Nothing

Are they kidding us with this shit?  Ken Whizenhunt's disappointed in Matt Leinart's partying, especially after pictures of Leinart's entertainment techniques hit the series of tubes. 

"I reiterated to him the type of behavior that we expect at all times from our players. He understands that as well as the level of scrutiny that he's under because of who he is. It's being handled internally.  I was disappointed but at the same time have no doubts about his commitment to this football team or his ability to lead it." 

Really, I don't think Whizenhunt sounds as upset as the MSM wants everyone to think he is.  I don't give a shit what Matt Leinart does off the field, especially in his own home, especially when it does not interfere with football, which his coach admits is the case.  Leinart is young, has lots of money and enjoys plenty of celebrity.  In a perfect world - the world in which apparently most self-righteous fans expect athletes athletes to live - Leinart would spend his days under some kind of house arrest, on his couch, playing a custom copy of Madden '08 with the Cardinals playbook on his Xbox 360 because Wii Bowling would probably fuck up his arm, under the constant watch of a trainer, nutritionist and therapist whose primary goal would be to void Leinart of any interest whatsoever in women, because goddammit he's supposed to think only about football football football.  Don't enjoy the fame and money now.  Wait until you're done with football to reap the benefits of having played.  Wait until your knees are fucked, you've got a migraine almost all the time, you live on Norco with Oxycodone chasers, attracting only scuzzy ex-actresses now famous more for being famous and dating old football players.  Don't enjoy it now.  Wait.  Remember that right now, you got fans that expect you to protect their emotional investment in the Cardinals and, therefore, you.  Remember what Dan Bickley wrote next time you want to party, 

The NFL is for men. Beer bongs are for drunk, stupid college kids.


But this latest episode has to make his weary coaches wonder when the party-boy snapshots are going to end. After all, a quarterback is ultimately defined by his judgment, and nobody in red had to wonder what Kurt Warner was doing Saturday night.

and that when Bickley parties, he does it in a sophisticated way, with co-workers or his wife's work friends and there are grown-up drinks like martinis and cosmopolitans and everyone takes and passes a breathalyzer test before heading out the door.  Because goddamit, Matt, you can't party the way you want to now.  

Giants score!!

But lose.  These, I'm afraid, are our San Francisco Giants.  10 singles.  2 runs.  Matt Cain was a stud, going 5 2/3, allowing 3 hits and 0 runs.  Jack Taschner looked like a good reason to let Steve Kline slip away, bailing Cain out in the sixth with a strikeout.  But Brad Hennessey and Keiichi Yabu contributed to yielding three runs in three innings.  Guh.  The bullpen letdown can't be the norm.  The offense Bochy's put on the field to start the season is, perfect for bizarro baseball, not built to score runs.  Ray Durham's defensive failings, which have been glaringly evident over the first two games, cannot be made up for with the offense he presents at this point; a low-average hitter with little power in his later baseball years.  Rich Aurillia killed the Giants lone rally in the seventh with a double play that was predicted by every single Giants fans watching or listening to the game.  Jose Castillo does something, probably.  The good news is Eugenio Velez has two hits in two pinch-hit AB's.  Brian Bocock has 3 BB in two games and got his first hit last night and looks Omaresque on defense.  What is the point of filling the lineup with players who were good at one time, but no longer appear to be capable every day major leaguers?  The benefits derived from Velez at second and Ortmeier at first cannot be less than what is to be gained now.  What the fuck is there to lose?  There is everything to be gained.  Are Bochy and Sabean worried Velez is going to hit under .200 and play shitty defense?  Or are they worried Ortmeier is going to hit under .150, grounding into double plays every time the opportunity presents itself?  Well hell.  Let's keep 'em on the bench so we can watch old guys on the downside of their careers do the same fucking thing.  It's insanity.  It's the definition of insanity.  

I know it's two games.  Aurillia will always be one of my favorite all-time Giants and could return to his 2006 self.  Durham could return to his pre-Giants self.  But this is what every single non-Bochaurilldurhsabean thought was going to happen when the Giants announced their starting lineup for Monday's game.  Dammit.  God dammit.  

And I Promise Healthcare for EVERY American!!!

From the San Jose Mercury News

I loathe Brian Sabean. That entire staff needs to be drug out to the street and shot. Seriously, I don't think Sabean has his fastball anymore. He's lost it. And the "People's United Front Against Ray Durham" is officially in action.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Trouble brewing in Denver?

Most assuredly so. Jay Cutler doesn't sound very happy with Brandon Marshall these days.  

“This wasn’t like his DUI and other stuff he’s had. It was an accident. But, still, stuff like that can’t happen. Hopefully this is the last.”

Marshall told the media last week his latest accident was a ‘wake-up’ call. Cutler isn’t totally buying it.

“I mean, a DUI is a wake-up call. He’s had many wake-up calls,” the quarterback said. “He’s been in (coach Mike) Shanahan’s office many times. I’ve been up there with him and he’s said the same thing, ‘It’s a wake-up call, a lot of things are going to happen.’ Blah, blah, blah. Until he goes out and proves it, we’ll see what happens.”

Geez.  "Blah, blah, blah?"  Brutal.  Marshall's television fight explanation is crazy, but if it's true it's equally crazy that Cutler would throw him under the bus like that.  Cutler looks like a giant douche.    

Yeah, it's a little frustrating

The toughest part about watching your 2008 San Francisco Giants is the confusion.  Are they going old or going young?  Do they want to win?  Build?  Both?  Neither?  What's become exceedingly clear over the past offseason is Brian Sabean's inability to recognize a situation for what it is.  That Rich Aurillia, Dave Roberts, Ray Durham and Jose Castillo started yesterday's opener demonstrates that Sabean expects the Giants to compete right now, this season.  The problem, of course, is that starting Aurillia, Roberts, Durham and Castillo does not allow that.  The difference between the Giants being a competitive team, aspiring to an NL West title or Wild Card birth is not Aurillia starting over Dan Ortmeier or Castillo over Eugenio Velez  or Roberts over Fred Lewis.  The 2008 Giants are, at most, five games better over the course of the season starting Aurillia, Roberts, Castillo and Durham.  The worst part is that those possible five wins this year amount to nothing more than boring-ass baseball and a fucked-up 2009.  Is Sabean's goal to sell tickets?  Generate excitement?  Are either going to be positively affected starting Aurillia, Roberts and Castillo?  Der.  What is happening with everyday players in San Francisco that can be considered good?  


The Niners and The Goodell Nut-Shot

-Nancy Gay, you're beautiful.  I don't know how physically attractive you are, but thanks for getting the whole "the 49ers are getting bent over and humped" thing a little more mainstream.  Has Roger Goodell become the least trusted man in sports, or at least the most shady?  Has any league ever done so much to publicly shame rules violators, demonstrating a no-nonsense approach, while at the same time so covertly working to sweep other rules-violations under the rug, hiding a so seemingly obvious protect the big names approach?  Well, no.