Friday, September 14, 2007

The Secret of My Success

Fuck, I know. Every self-righteous douche that watches an NFL game, blogs (a little), and believes in an East-Coast bias is writing about Bill Belichick this morning.

So it turns out Belichick is a cheater. And we're not talking, "The camera was pointed at the coaching staff all game, so...maybe" cheating. Belichick was caught walking out of the bathroom with a 16-inch syringe sticking out of his ass. It took Roger Goodell four days to administer punishment. Evidently it was so blatant, that IT ONLY TOOK FOUR DAYS!! There are no former congressmen heading farcical task forces. There is evidence and punishment. There are no questions.

Well, okay, I guess there is one. How long has Belichick been doing this? There has to be a huge shadow over every single Pats win since he's taken over. Hell, there have to be questions at all his stops. John Clayton wrote this morning, "Belichick means everything to this team. He's the best coach in football. He has the best schemes in the league." Uh, no John, we don't know that anymore. We sure as hell know he's not the best creator of spying techniques. Thank capial g God he's not running shit for us in South Korea. His poor camera man would look Brad Pitt in Spy Game fucked, rather than simply escorted to the gates at The Meadowlands. I don't know what kind of coach he is. I don't know what his schemes look like without the benefit of knowing what's coming. This raises questions about everything involved with this organization, since Belichick has his hands in everything. And let's not assume he is the only person who knows what is going on. He is simply the ring-leader, and I'm sure players know the deal. This is organizational corruption. We know teams worry about cheating and a few have been accused. But never has an offense been so cut and dry.

Everything the Pats have done in their run is tainted. Is Belichick a great coach? Hell, beats me. I'm not willing to simply say that he is, the way John Clayton does. I know he's a cheater. I don't know if the capital g Golden Boy is the great quarterback we all think he is. I don't know if anyone on that team will now actually be able to play the way we've seen in the past. And if they do? Are they cheating? Has the guy with the 'best schemes in football' come up with the newest, best scheme in cheatball? There will always be questions. Not suggestions and winks and 'fuck, it was like they knew what was coming out there''s. Real, validated questions. And to this point, real, validated answers. Is the Bradyfallocentric ESPN going to wonder? No. They will still compare him to Joe Montana, forever pretending this is a Belichick-only issue. Belichick will get litle more than a figurative slap-on-the-wrist from the talking heads at the worldwide leader. Will they ask questions about asterisks next to each Pats Super Bowl win? Of course not. This is their team, their chiseled All-American guy, their brilliant coach.

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