What's on the Magic Picture Box?

The following is one man's opinion of a few shows on the NBC and FX Fall lineup:

My Name is Earl: Earl is a refreshing comedy that most of us can relate to. It's brilliantly produced and immediately leaves you wanting more. Wow, did that sound like something straight from TVGuide? Entertainment Weekly? Thought so. I don't know why that would be. It's not like this was THE most hyped show of the season in print, radio, and TV advertising or anything. It's not like I heard these ads in my sleep. Point is, it's the best new comedy of the season... Jason Lee nails it with this immediate classic... FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAKE IT STOP!!!

The Office: So painful to watch, you just can't pull away. It has this sadomasochistic hold on me... hang on, did I just say that out loud? Somehow, since his days on The Daily Show, Steve Carril actually became funny. I know, I'm as shocked as you are, but it's true. It's true. There are too many parallels between this show and real-life cubicle land to turn away. It's very much like watching a bad car accident. You know you should turn away. Lord knows you shouldn't be laughing either. But, as is the case in life, you just can't help but stare and chuckle at someone else's misery.

Over There: Incredibly gripping drama about a make-believe war in a place far, far away. I mean, could you imagine if people were actually going through this stuff? The place where it's filmed looks like a third-world coun.... wait a minute... you mean, it is actually happening?!?! Wow. You know, that's really something, because I would have felt so much better about myself and my military if it wasn't true. Seriously, while viewing, I firmly believe that it is critical to keep telling yourself, "You are not being desensitized. You are not being desensitized. You are not being desensitized."

Law & Order, SVU: I'm waiting for the episode where Benson and Stabler just get it over with and rip each other's clothes off. Seriously, the sexual tension is tighter than Meryl Streep's face. I want this to happen. This... Must... Happen. I fully realize the show is about sex crimes, but what could be more criminal than these two not hooking up? District Attorney Novak should prosecute both to the full extent of the law if this doesn't happen before week 5. Either that, or Ice-T can pull out his nine and busta' cap.

LasVegas: I've always said that Nikki Cox had incredible, er... acting skills? Vanessa Marcil, Molly Sims, Rachael Leigh Cook, and Marsha Thomason are all part of the eye-candy as well. Word has it that they've added a topless bathing pool. 15-year-old boys around the country can be found in their bathrooms from 9:00-10:00 PM every Monday night. From what I understand, the plot surrounds some fictional casino, but I haven't quite understood that part yet. The only downfall I can find is that this season, the skeleton formerly known as Lara Flynn Boyle joined the cast (Okay, seriously, you're telling me she's GAINED WEIGHT?!?! How thin was this woman before? Could you actually see her internal organs at one time?). The only thing missing is more pool scenes. Bummer of it is that the air-time totally conflicts with Monday Night Football. And this is why, on the eighth day, God invented TiVo. And we all ate, and drank, and danced, and everything was good.

Scrubs: The... Funniest... Show... On... TV.

Nip/Tuck: Very bizarre plot, but its best aspect is that this show has nudity. I've seen more three-ways in the first two episodes than at a (expletive/deleted/not suitable for print). Did I mention that this show has nudity? It's really incredible, because it has all kinds of nudity.

The Apprentice, Martha Stewart: I caught 10 minutes of this show tonight. I will never have those 10 minutes of my life back, and I didn't even get to learn how to make a freakin' throw-pillow. Damn you Martha!!

Will & Grace: Wait a minute... this show is still on?

E-Ring: Hey, Dennis Hopper... The cast of Hoosiers called, and they want you back. Something about being "non-convincing," whatever that means.

Medium: So, let me get this straight... Patricia Arquette wins an Emmy for playing the same character that Haley Joel Osmont played in The Sixth Sense? Where's Bruce Willis when you need him? Hey, Patricia, we all get it. You see dead people. That's fantastic.

Rescue Me: Some people swear by this show. Personally, if I'm going to watch 60 minutes of Dennis Leary, I want to see him chain-smoking, dropping f-bombs, and insulting any and everybody in a stand-up act.

It's Always Funny in Philadelphia: Apparently, it's not.