Tuesday, April 25, 2006

From the 'I'm A Caveman/Fake Apology Department'

posted by BH

During Sunday's Mets/Padres game in San Diego, Mets color guy and former first baseman Keith Hernandez noticed something interesting. He saw a woman in the Padre dugout giving Mike Piazza a high five after a Piazza home run. What did Hernandez say?


"I won't say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don't belong in the dugout. " He then laughed and said, "You know I am only teasing. I love you gals out there -- always have."

Oh, Keith. "Gals?" It turns out, the woman was Padres full-time massage therapist Kelly Calabrese. After Hernandez found out who she was, he again said she shouldn't be there. On Sunday, after being reprimanded by the Mets network, Hernandez said he was sorry if he offended anyone, but tempered that by saying that baseball only allows the head trainer and an assistant trainer in the dugout.First, let's be clear. "I'm sorry if" does not count as a) really being sorry or b) really being an apology. Remember when Derek Lowe was sorry if any of the A's were offended when he dry humped his glove in their direction in a playoff celebration? A real apology might sound like, "Hey, I'm really a buffoon. Yeah, I've been living off the fact that I was a Met during the best time to be one, and I've turned that into a nice little after-baseball career. I apologize for my buffoonery." Secondly, Keith got to his hotel on Sunday night, talked to one of his buddies, and together they remembered that only two people are allowed in the dugout. It seems like pretty classic argument shifting. Dude. You really just look like a buffoon. That's the best word I can come up with at this point. Wait. That's not true. I've got a better word. An award, in fact. Welcome back, Boofy. We're giving you to the great (cough) Keith Hernandez.

The Boofy

Of course, MLB shot back with a memo that had been sent to major league teams in which it says a member of the conditioning staff is allowed in the dugout. Oooh. Sorry Keith. Fake reason denied. So in the end, we realize that you're really just an old codger, or coot, with some prehistoric notions about women. And I totally rooted for you with Elaine.

2 comments:

sondog said...

Keith Hernandez and Clyde Frazier could be the two worst color commentators in sports, and they both work for New York teams. That's classic.

"I'm just a caveman. I'm scared by these 'women who are capable of doing things other than have sex with me.' I wonder what demons got in their heads to make them think they could actually work productively alongside men... in a DUGOUT for Chrissakes! I mean, of all places, they don't belong in a dugout! I'm not going to say they all belong in the kitchen, because some belong with a vacuum in their hands, while others belong in the laundry room. None of those places are considered a DUGOUT! But what do I know, for I'm just a caveman."

C-lo said...

Gotta say that's the best Boofy yet. What a moron.