Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Mind of Kings Fans

by SonDog

The following is the first 2006/2007 NBA season email exchange between OZ and I, two die-hard Sacramento Kings fans. Some of you may remember the Mind of Kings Fans series from last season, which was turbulent to say the least. As the 2006/2007 season begins, the Sacramento situation is not exactly as calm as a Hindu cow. In fact, it's quite the opposite.

SonDog: So, multiple choice:

Eric Mussleman: 1) Silly drunkard? 2) Very bad luck? 3) As insane as Ron Artest?

OZ: He's a long way away from #3. Here's some things said during the exchange between Muss and the officer:

- "Adleman was the old coach. I'm the new coach, I swear!"

- "Yes I'm over 21."

- Ring....ring..."Uh, Geoff, can you come bail me out?"

- "I know my license says Oakland. I'm renting here."

- "I know some guys that get you a deal on a room in Vegas if you let me off."

SonDog: You forgot a couple:

- "Yes, that is my booster seat."

- "Don't let this effect your opinion on the arena vote, okay?"

- "Wait, you mean you were going to vote NO before this incident?"

- (Slurring) "Dude, you totally look like somebody I knew in high school. I love you man."

I thought it was interesting that the entire team stood on the podium with him. They all stand at least a foot higher than he, so it was not only interesting, but also comical.

OZ: The guy must be impressive in person because he had the same type of loyalty from his players in GS, just not from the front office.

Speaking of GS and drunks, what's the irony factor of a former Mullin employee picking up a DUI?

SonDog: I think Mullin's final interview question is, "So, how fast can you take down three beers in a beer bong?... Really?... Prove it."

Back to Sac, I like what I see from John Salmons. Granted, I think they waaaay overpaid for him, but he provides a nice spark off the bench with quality defense. Plus I think he's excited because he can actually shoot the basketball now that he's out of Philly.

OZ: Bibby's first pass to him hit him on the back of the head because he assumed it was a shot. Poor guy.

Since I brought up Bibby, supposedly Muss got all over him about his defense and he's actually been staying in front of people during practice. KM said it was the best defense he's ever seen Bibby play by far. I guess we can't call him the Matador anymore. Ole!

SonDog: That, and when Salmons saw Kenny Thomas move - anywhere - he said, "Jesus, I thought power forwards just stood at the elbow and shot jumpers?"

Well, now Bibby is the Mini-Matador. He lost 15 pounds in the off-season and he looks much quicker. That being said, I watched the Phoenix/Sac pre-season game last week and Nash still made Bibby look like a fencepost.

Francisco Garcia looks good, although I heard that Garcia, Kevin Martin, Quincy Douby and Loren Woods formed the "People's United Front for Tall People with Anorexic-Looking Bodies." When Petrie told them to "hit the gym" in the off-season, he didn't mean "run on the treadmill everyday until your muscle tissue cannibalizes itself and all you have left is bone-on-organ."

OZ: If Martin was as slow as your wit, I would have a problem with his lack of substance. But since he's the quickest guy on the court 3 out of 4 nights, he can build up or slim down however he feels necessary.

Garcia's not quite as quick, but he's no Chris Webber either. or Peja. or Vlade. See a trend? You've been griping about lack of athleticism for 8 years and now you're going to gripe about build? They're just fine the way they are.

SonDog: They're fine if they were playing for the Zambian National Team. I'm not griping about it. I just think it's comical. It will be interesting to see if they can stay health though. Garcia and Martin both are prone to miss significant time. Douby won't get hurt, but that's because he won't play. Woods is as good as cut already.

So, from what I can tell, the rotation looks like this:

Bibby
Martin
93
KT
Miller

SAR
Salmons
Garcia
Price
Taylor

Douby
Fart

OZ: With Bibby missing the first two weeks, I think Price is going to get his shot at backup point. I like the bench though, and I won't be remotely surprised to see SAR start.

SonDog: What? Bibby?

WHAT???

OZ: Apparently the defense was more than he could bear.

SonDog: Are you serious? Is he out? Did he get a DUI or something?

-- The following takes place this morning --

OZ: If by DUI you mean he's Defensively Utterly Incapable, yes. Aha.

SonDog: Now that was just stupid. No other way to put it.

I read about it this morning. You know what sucks more than anything? I have to watch Jason Fart play for two weeks. That's more discouraging than anything else.

OZ: I'm hoping Muss will experiment with KM at the point and Garcia playing the 2. I liked the defensive effort they were able to put on the ball even before mid-court with that squad last year. Their speed allows them to pressure very early and still get back to double on the low post if needed.

SonDog: Are you insane? Do you even watch basketball? Garcia can play the backup point and Martin plays the 2. Martin handles the rock as comfortably as a nudist at a ski resort.

And with that, I'm officially out of analogies.

2 comments:

bh said...

bh: Christ. Seriously?

(throws up)

SonDog said...

I know! I mean, can you believe he said KM should run point? I mean, can you believe it?!