Christmas Day in the NBA

What will Santa have in store for the Sacramento Kings today?

The billionaire Maloof brothers haven't exactly been good boys over the last year and a half, so they are likely to get coal in their stocking.

Ron Artest has been a naughty boy too.

Mike Bibby? He's just been a little bitch.

Our new coach is straight out of PlayGirl magazine, so he will likely get a chest wax and some body lotion:

Reggie Theus in last month's issue of Bad Idea Jeans

From all accounts, Brad Miller died two years ago, so he won't be getting anything. (And for God's sake, Geoff Petrie, please don't draft Spencer Hawes. I mean, it would be an absolute tragedy if this team wakes up tomorrow morning with more than one white 7-footer with a crippling lack of athleticism.)

Kenny Thomas and Shareef Abdur-Rahim are the Western Conference's version of Brendan Haywood and Etan Thomas, so they're not getting jack squat.

So, with any luck, the Kings will purge their roster of all the aforementioned rotten fruit (with the exception of that sexy bitch, Reggie Theus), and bring in some new talent to surround Kevin Martin, Francisco Garcia and the ball boys. Here's my pseudo-spert opinion on what the Kings should do with pick #10:

1) Jeff Green

2) Julian Wright

3) Joakim Noah

4) Al Thornton

5) Um, anybody but Spencer Hawes