Thursday, December 06, 2007

You're retarded

The Steelers' Anthony Smith has guaranteed that his team will beat the Patriots this weekend. WHO THE FUCK IS ANTHONY SMITH?!! The only times it's ever appropriate to guarantee anything are as follows:

-when your name is Joe Namath
-when you've actually got something with which to guarantee, like tires or brakes

What good is your guarantee, Mr. Smith? You get to look like the paragon of profundity if your Steelers win. If you lose, well no one really is going to remember you anyway. I just want to know what I get if you lose? You've got to make things right when your guarantee goes bad, so how will you make it right?

Speaking of jackass fuckfaces, apparently some Cowboys DB's have been looking forward to facing Jon Kitna this season, after last year he beat them on the team's last weekend, then talked shit. Terence Newman has said

Basically what it boils down to is you've got to watch what you say. Your mouth can't write checks that your [expletive] can't cash. That's what it comes down to. Everybody's going to see those quotes. He better just hope I don't blitz off the edge, because I've got 15, 25, 30 [thousand dollars], however much it would be for a fine. I've got that much for one fine. Revenge will be sweet definitely.

First of all, you're a moron for pulling out a line from Top Gun. Christ. Secondly, he did cash those checks when he threw four TD's against you. Third, why weren't you trying to hit him the way you want to during last year's game? Fourth, yeah, you do have to watch what you say. As an example, you've received a letter from the NFL warning you for what you said. Smart.

Dallas linebacker Bradie James said

It has been circled on my calendar the whole year, and here we are and I'm looking forward to it. Y'all can ask me about Jon Kitna every day from here on out the rest of my life and I will get fired up. ... He talked like we weren't ever going to play them again. We're going to be ready.

Dude, you're supposed to be fired up for every game, every player, every snap. Why weren't you fired up last time? Why weren't you ready last time? Doesn't everyone know that if you need extra motivation - i.e., bulletin board material - to play well, you're kind of a giant douche? Did Kitna have to talk for you to stop him from throwing four TD's? Hey, Jon Kitna's a moron. Der. Can't you just shut your mouth and still shut him up?


Anonymous said...

The coolest guarantee ever:

Mark (the man) Messier in the NHL finals. What did he do, yeah a fucking hat trick bitches. Eat it and go home, it's done.


bh said...

Hey! Somebody's reading. Dmo!