"Stupid Ramblings of a Drunkard"

by SonDog

Thank you, Mr. Mel Gibson, for coining a phrase that is spot-on for Mile High Ramblings. It's real men of genius, like yourself, Mel, that make it fun to write about things like, well... you.

I just finished watching the last three innings of game 2 of the National League Championship Series (which, if you listen to the national media, might as well be a collection scabs playing in the Minor League Championship). In addition, thanks to the miracle that is east coast feed on DirecTV, I had the pleasure of watching the first 10 minutes of the New York FOX News at 10:00, immediately following the game.

You know why I loved watching these two events/programs? Because I love New York sports. And I love the New York media. And when the two come together? I can just blow a New Yorky load. Ohhhhhhhhhhh, Mets.

Here are some random thoughts about this orgasmic experience:

-- Fuck Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Seriously, Fuck... Those... Guys.

-- Everybody knows that if your team is in danger of falling down 0-2 in the biggest series of the year, there is only one man to turn to: So Taguchi.

-- My favorite part of the New York FOX News at 10:00 broadcast is the introduction, which goes like this, verbatim: "It's 10 PM. Do you know where YOUR children are?" I can't make something like that up. But in no way do I think the media tries to use scare tactics.

-- Oddest statistic that means a whole lot, but you would never guess as an answer in a game of Trivial Pursuit: St. Louis Cardinal utility player, Scott Spiezio, is 14 for 20 in his post-season career with runners in scoring position. 14 for 20. That's not only a .700 batting average... That's a .700 batting average in 20 at bats, with runners in scoring position... in the post season. The German word for that kind of success is Fyuchen Inchredyble.

-- It's 11 PM, and my child is asleep in his crib.

-- Pop-Quiz: Besides Tom Glavine and Billy Wagner, can you name five healthy Mets pitchers? If you can, I'll buy you a shot.

-- I am so thankful that Alex Rodriguez is okay after his not-really-a-near-miss-but-I-need-the-spotlight incident on Friday. I mean, the loss of Cory Lidle's life in a plane crash is one thing. But losing A-Rod? Wow, now that's important stuff. Just ask A-Rod himself.

In other news, I think that could have been the most worthless story I've ever heard in my life. I will never get those two minutes of my life back. Just one more reason to hate A-Rod.

-- Hey, did you know that the winner of the National League Championship Series gets to go to the World Series?! No, seriously, they do!

-- I don't know about you, but I really need more extreme close-ups of Mets' manager, Willie Randolph, and his painfully long nose hairs. Especially when the game is close in the last inning. In fact, if FOX could show him more than the current five times after each pitch, that would be great.

-- If the Cards end up beating the Mets, and the Tigers finish off the A's, how many FOX executives will kill themselves this week? I mean, besides the guys that get to cover the Terrell Owens situation?

-- Has Jeanie Zelasko had the same hair-do for more than one day in her life? Just a question.