Thursday, December 21, 2006

Mind of Kings Fans

by SonDog

That's right. BH's favorite post is back. The long-overdue email conversation between two die-hard Sacramento Kings fans is back. The Kings... are not back. The following is a two-day email thread between OZ and myself, touching on the Kings, the Mamba, Isiah Thomas, Denver, and the All-Hate Team.

SonDog: So, do we blow this team up, or is there still a chance at the playoffs?

OZ: Nobody can have a definitive answer to that 23 games into the season. It sure isn't looking good though. The scary part about this skid is they are progressively playing worse and worse. Their defense is as non-existent as ever and the lack of an offensive flow is actually getting frustrating, albeit not as frustrating as listening to Jerry Reynolds whine about it.

SonDog: If I hear Jerry Reynolds bitch about the offense one more time, I may throw Porter through my tv. (He's a tough dog and would thoroughly enjoy it.) There seems to be no chemistry whatsoever right now. Brad Miller is lost on both ends of the court, Bibby is shooting them out of games, and Artest is struggling to guard everybody on the court. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, but this is a train-wreck of nuclear disaster proportions. I find them at times utterly unwatchable and Coach Musselman's crippling lack of height is killing me.

OZ: Verbatim from my wife, "Is he old enough to coach a team?"

At times, Muss looks like he's maybe old enough to drive, but just barely. Rick Barry had some interesting comments regarding Muss' "Defensive coach" status saying that Muss was an offensive coach his whole life until a few years ago, and that he ha not had much success being a defensive coach. Ouch. That hurts coming from a legend.

On that note, what happened to J. Barry?

SonDog: JB is doing color commentary for ESPN and he is fantastic. When he pairs with Bill "This third quarter is an absolute disgrace for all of humanity" Walton, it's a real treat.

Clearly, Muss isn't old enough to drive sober. (ba-dum, ching!) Seriously, his defensive schemes have not impressed me as an observer. I think he had a phenomenal interview with the Maloofs (he has a reputation for being great in interviews), but that's about it. It's funny how Rick Adelman is starting to look better and better. They just don't have the personnel to be a good defensive team, and they don't have a scheme to be a good offensive team. Bad Defense + Bad Offense = 2006/2007 Sacramento Kings.

OZ: I heard Bill Walton doing an interview with the moron twins, which was really the only chance I've had to turn the channel off of every horrid announcer I despise with one click of the button. It was beautiful. Long live Bob Costas!!

Your equation is genius. Seriously. Nobel prize winning stuff there. You should sell it to Isaiah Thomas.

SonDog: My favorite Isiah Thomas line from the "brawl," "We had surrendered and they were trying to pour it on." Really? You surrendered in front of your home crowd? Where was your white flag? To quote George Karl, "He's an asshole." I loath Isiah Thomas.

Iverson + Melo = Western Conference Elite OR Chemistry experiment doomed for failure?

OZ: I have to say Western Conference Elite until proved otherwise. They are effectively in the SA "Are you kidding me with this roster" category. I would be shocked if they don't make a run for the championship. The possibilities were just too big to "pass" up. Get it? Ball-hog puns
are great!

SonDog: If King George can throw a lineup out of AI at the point, JR Smith at the 2, Melo at 3, WhoCares at the 4, and Camby at the 5, there isn't a more potent lineup in the league. The challenge will be, will there be enough shots to go around? It has the potential to challenge the best in the West, that's for sure.

OZ: If only K-Mart were still there. What a five that would have been. Something I heard a player say once was that as long as the team is winning, nobody complains about getting their shots or whatever. I think Denver will be fine as long as they win consistently........cause that's really easy to do. Speaking of shots, did you hear the absolute insanity that was the Mamba criticizing Arenas' performance saying he shot too much? Seriously Mamba? Seriously?

SonDog: No, I didn't hear that, but it doesn't surprise me in the least that he would criticize Gilbert right after #0 dropped 60 in the Mamba's face. He shot too much? Well, Washington won, right? Kobe, didn't you say that it doesn't matter how much you shoot if you win?

He's the starting 2-guard on my All-Hate team, with Isiah running the point.

OZ: Walton at Center. Jerry Reynolds coaching.

SonDog: Rick Fox at Small Forward

OZ: Ooooooh, good one. Is Webb the PF? Id there any other PF we dislike more? I'm not a Webb fan but I certainly wouldn't put him in the same category as these other guys. Maybe we can play small and throw Stephen Jackson into the 4. Malone? I know you're thinking Barkley and I'm nixing that one right away. He was an awesome player.

SonDog: How can you say Webber?! How dare you?!

At the 4... I think Robert Horry. Because, as Wes Mantooth says to Ron Burgandy at the end of Anchorman, "Deep down in my stomach, with every inch of me, I pure, straight, hate you... But goddamnit do I respect you."

OZ: I've loved Horry since his Portland days. Sure he shoved the largest knife in Kings history into our throats, but you can't blame him for making the last minute shot. That's what he does. I blame Vlade for tipping it straight to him. Or better yet, I blame Webber for being on the court and teaching Peja how to not get a rebound. Horry is nowhere near that list for me. You would put Horry in over Malone?

SonDog: Horry never played in Texas you numbnuts. I'm going to assume you meant Houston.

And with that insult, I'm out, and this is way too long.

OZ: Portland is in Oregon dumbass. By a map.

SonDog: Buy a map... Buy a dictionary

OZ: Ah Dammit!


DMo said...

Nope, don't get excited, I didn't even read the post. I don't like minds of kings fans either. To long and nobody cares. If AI was now a King, people might care about the Kings.

OZ said...

Well I thoght it was great.

C-lo said...

Me too...i like the mind of kings fans posts. Keep up the stellar procrastination boys.

SonDog said...

Thanks for the support c-lo. I'm a fan of it too but I think OZ and I need to insult each other a little more next time.

By the way, the game is ON in Denver! The Butler and I will risk life and limb to get there, avoiding iglos and dodging flying hockey pucks along I-70.

DMo said...

You idiots are going to the game tonight!!! Fuck you both!! Damn I wish I still lived in Siberia. Funny, I'm not sure who I'm going to root for tonight but it should be a great game. You two blow.

OZ said...

The Kings barely eek out a win against a team that is missing 60% of it's starting roster and it's star player is on the court for the first time in a Denver uni.......hooray?

the butler said...

i don't know man...Earl Boykins was an unstoppable midget fireball that night.

the butler said...

oh yeah, i agree with Horry at the four. As a grizzlies guy i have a similar scar on my neck from a Robert Horry stabbing incident.

Toss up for sixth man- Bruce Bowen, Bonzi Wells, or Dennis Rodman?

SonDog said...

Bruce Bowen. I'm convinced he tries to sprain the ankles of opposing players by intentionally sticking his foot below the landing spot. He's a dick.