Sunday, February 04, 2007

XLI Diary

SonDog & the butler

Do you know what the Charlotte Bobcats and the Milwuakee Bucks have in common?: We don't care about either team.

Do you know what the Indianapolis Colts and Chicago Bears have in common?: Eeeeeeeexactly.

Therefore, since we don't have a rooting interest in either team, the butler and I decided to keep a running diary while we celebrated at our buddy Chip's palace.

4:17 PM -- And we have the first CBS technical difficulty of the night. The NFL on CBS: it's like 60 Minutes on morphine.

4:20 -- What the hell was with Tillman's eyes? Did you see that? Seriously, it looked like Puggy Tillman was on a combination of dangerous drugs, resulting in the biggest pupils television cameras have ever witnessed . Hopefully he doesn't kill somebody during the game. Or, hopefully he does.

4:25 -- Hey, did you know that both of these coaches are black? No, really, they are. I expect to hear this 47 times during the night.

4:27 -- The coin toss: Hey, Dan Marino lost 45 pounds using NutraSystem. Comment from the room: "He looks creepy."

4:30 -- Jim Nantz just said, "The Colts have had trouble with kick returns all year long." So, I say to nobody in particular, "They better not kick the ball to Devin Hester."

4:31 -- Devin Hester just returned the opening kickoff for a touchdown. Unbelievable. So predictable that I even predicted it.

4:42 -- (Manning pick on opening Colts drive) His wittle thumb huwts...awwwwww.

4:44 -- Shot time.

4:47 -- 53-yd bomb to Wayne, who had no Bear within a mile of him. "There's that cover-zero that worked so well against Steve Smith last year..."

4:51 -- Fumble by the Bears on the kickoff. Good things happen when you don't kick it to Devin Hester.

4:51.5 -- Fumble by Addai on the first play. Jesus, that Miami rain. Oh yeah, no need to block Alex Brown.

4:55 -- Touchdown to Mushin by Rexy. REXTACY!!!!!!!

4:56 -- MOST DISTURBING SNICKERS COMMERCIAL EVER!!! Everyone in the party just puked up a meatball / crab dip combination.

5:00 -- Quite possibly the worst Chevy commercial of all time. Wait... I forgot about "This is ouuuuuuur country."

5:03 -- Do... Not... Kick... The... Ball... To... Devin... Hester.

5:05 -- Fumble by Cedrik Benson. Two things here: 1) Why the hell are the Bears playing Benson? Are they saving Jones for next week? 2) These two teams are playing hot potato with the ball. Four first quarter turnovers. Jesus. HOLD ON TO THE FOOTBALL!!! On a related note, CBS just showed some guy in a Texas Longhorns hat get up to go to the bathroom. I'd buy another hat too.

5:31 -- Chevy needs to fire their entire marketing department. Seriously, they have essentially wasted around $100 million so far and it's not even halfway through the second quarter.

5:35 -- Aaaaaand we're drunk.

5:40 -- Touchdown by Rhodes. CBS manages to screw up the camera work for the tenth time tonight. Quote from Reed, "Who is the production manager on this fucking CBS fucking shit."


5:45 -- We're reminded again that Prince is the halftime "entertainment." What, was Fleetwood Mack not available? Did Simon and Garfunkel turn them down?

5:46 -- Chevy uses the movie Short Circuit as inspiration for a commercial. How dumb. Have we mentioned that they need to fire their marketing department?

5:50 -- And Sprint gives us a good commercial! Connectile Dysfunction. Clever. Thank you, Sprint. Thank You.

5:51 -- Fumble by Fletcher. He couldn't handle the mighty mighty pupils of Tillman

5:51.5 -- Rexy gives it right back. Is it too late to call Trent Dilfer?

5:54 -- So what was the over/under on # of commercials celebrating black history? And why wasn't Tony Dungy or Lovie Smith involved in that one? Did you know they're both black?

5:57 -- Mr. Clutch, no way he misses this one...DOH!

6:15 -- (SonDog) Prince. Awesome. and gay. And wierd. So, why Prince again?

6:20 -- (the butler) Whatever man...Prince is a bona-friggin-fide Legend.

6:26 -- Butler: "I bet the Colts score a TD on their first drive here to put the Bears on the ropes."

6:36 -- Colts called for a false start in the red zone, Simms says "you can't make any movements or sudden motions not related to the game of football" Um... what?

6:39 -- Damn, prediction wrong for the butler...Clutch McGee adds three more.

6:48 -- Bad things happen when Rex Grossman is asked to... do anything.

6:50 -- I'm out of analogies. These have been some piss-poor commercials tonight. Piss-poor.

6:52 -- Simms says, "I don't have the official numbers in front of me, but the Chicago Bears like to blitz." Um... what?

7:00 -- After another Vinatieri field goal, Indy commits a personal foul on the kickoff. Chicago has great field position. They also have Rex Grossman. So field position doesn't really mean much.

7:20 -- Grossman shoots a jump shot towards God. Calvin Hayden intercepts it instead. The officials are reviewing the play to see if Hayden was out of bounds after the pick. If Hayden is out, we still have a game. If he's in, this game is over (return for TD).

On this note, why don't the officials get to view the replay on a big-screen with HD? Instead they have to look at it through a ViewMaster straight from one of the ref's kids? Somebody get Best Buy on the phone for a sponsorship opportunity.

7:22 -- Hayden wasn't out of bounds. TD Indy. This game is oooooooooover.

7:25 -- SonDog just spilled his whiskey all over Chip's floor. Laughter ensues. The glass didn't break. Refill the glass. Pour more whiskey. Late to work tomorrow. Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

7:31 -- Holy God. Grossman is pathetic. How much black-tar heroin is he gonna need to boot in the off-season to abolish this memory?

7:38 -- Can Grossman be the MVP of the game for Indy? Seriously, who else had more of an impact on Indy winning this game?

7:47 -- I can already see the bazillion commercials that are going to be on for the next year...I bet Peyton could win a House seat in Indy after this.

7:58 -- Here comes the Gatorade shower. Oh they whiffed on Dungy and just connected like a homing missle on the other guy, who I think is the offensive coordinator.

8:05 -- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand, we're out.

1 comment:

C-lo said...

Sports Gals notes:
1. Hester kick-off return for a touchdown was called when the Bears won the coin toss. Inevitable.
2. While you think Chevy had bad commercials, you remembered them. Marketing still has a job.
3. Mad props to Sprint's connectile dysfunction commercial. I gave it my #1 vote with the Bud Light immigration one coming in at #2 and KFed making fun of himself at #3. Many times I asked why all of these companies paid $2.4 million for a spot yet couldn't come up with crap to fill it with.
4. Thank God that Peyton won a Super Bowl. What will the reporters talk about now? And how many new commercials will he be in? I can't freaking wait!
5. Did anyone think Prince was even more gay than the pre-game entertainment? My very eloquent significant other said, "wonder how many times he's taken it up the ass?" I think we collectively answered with "daily".
6. Also, did the trophy presentation feel more like a Sunday morning at church than a Super Bowl celebration? I was glad I was sober or I might have felt guilty.