Thursday, February 15, 2007

YDB Award

by SonDog

I love athletes. And I love stupidity. And when the two combine? In the immortal words of Dane Cook, it's enough for me to... well, you get the point.

With this in mind, I've decided to start a new award. The naming choices were down to my favorite line from Anchorman ("OK Champ, why don't you just stop talking for a while") and Tuesday's "That's what Carlos Zambrano thinks" classic. I thought about meshing the two and creating the "Carlos Zambrano thinks Carlos Zambrano should just stop talking for a while" award. We could even shorten it to the CZTCZSJSTFAW Award.

On second thought, that's pretty stupid. We need something shorter. What if we called it the Captain Douchebaggery Award? How about "Douchebag McJackass Award?" What about, "Shut Your Freakin' Pie-Hole Award?"

Today's winner is former NBA All-Star, Tim Hardaway. Tim Hardaway... You dumb bastard.

(THAT'S IT!! It's the "You Dumb Bastard Award.")

Hardaway used to be known primarily for his crippling killer cross-over. Now he's going to be best known for his crippling lack of comprehension with regards to when he should shut his pie-hole.

The former Golden State Warrior and Miami Heat player, in all his kind of like, you know, I mean, elloquent glory, said in response to a question about playing with a gay player, "I hate gay people."

Wait, it gets better.

He then went on to say, "I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."

It should be noted that the United States of America is indeed in the world, but that's besides the point. Look, I don't care if Tim Hardaway hates gay people. That's not the point of this award. We all say stuf that we immediately regret. Not often is it that ignorant and repulsive, but we all have been guilty of saying dumb stuff. I say stupid crap all the time, but usually I'm talking to my border collie after about 7 Jack n' Cokes. In other words, it's all about context. Maybe Hardaway was drunk and he thought Dan LeBetard (the reporter who asked the question) was a border collie named Rocky. Who knows.

I don't know, maybe Timmy just needs to watch a little more Will and Grace, or at the very least join the Republican Party (that was a joke -- take it easy there C-lo). But if I'm John Amechi (the reason for the question), I'm absolutely thrilled that Hardaway said this. It does two things: 1) Makes Hardaway look like a Dumb Bastard, and 2) Sells A LOT more books for John Amechi.

Regardless, from here on out Timmy can cozy up to a bar next to Michael Richards, Carlos Zambrano and Floyd "It was the whiskey I drank the night before" Landis in the You Dumb Bastard Hall of Fame.

4 comments:

Leonard Peltier said...

Pretty sure you've gotta give T.O. an honorable mention.

C-lo said...

Oooooooooo, I love the new award!
TO is a step closer to human this week by calling Wade to welcome him to the team. Let's hold off on hitting him with a YDB for a while. Trust me, it will only be a few weeks before he does/says something stupid.

SonDog said...

T.O. should have his own wing in the YDB-HOF.

Other folks who will surely say something remarkably stupid sometime soon: Ron Artest, Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, and any defensive tackle in the NFL.

the butler said...

After Timmy's remarks, I am sad to have to withdraw my support for him for his upcoming run for President of the United States.