Wednesday, November 22, 2006

This Isn't News!!

posted by BH

The following comes from ESPN.com. Seriously, it does. And I didn't cut the story down or anything. This is the whole thing. I mean this is the full extent of the piece that popped up when I clicked on something that said "McNabb won't get a card from T.O." in the "ESPNEWS Headlines" section of the front page. Seriously. I'm not joking. Seriously. ESPN is now run by 14 year-old girls who like like to run across campus to tell one friend that the other friend was talking shit.

IRVING, Texas -- Terrell Owens has his own message for injured Donovan McNabb.

Don't expect one.

Owens was asked Tuesday whether he'd send a "get well" text message to McNabb, who tore his ACL on Sunday and is out for the season. McNabb claims to have sent similar sentiments to Owens after his reported suicide attempt/accidental overdose earlier this year.

Owens' answer: "Absolutely not."

Owens claims he never received the original message from McNabb, his former teammate in Philadelphia. The relationship between two [sic] dissolved when Owens was hurt and eventually left the Eagles after last season.

Holy shit. Holy. Shit. This has to be a joke. Who, in the name of God, is worried about whether or not T.O. got a text from McNabb? Who is the douchebag that asked the question?

Douchebag, in bed with his wife in the morning: "Honey, I'm going to go to work today, and I'm going to ask Terrell Owens if he's thinking about sending a text message to Donovan McNabb. Do you think I'm a man? Do you think I should be able to sleep tonight? Do you think our children are proud to say I'm there Dad?"

I like the part at the end about, "The relationship between (the) two dissolved when Owens was hurt and eventually left the Eagles after last season." Well done, Mr. Intern in Bristol writing this. You have fulfilled your contractual duty, which is to give readers, um, I guess, a semi-accurate, somewhat vague and ambiguous backstory, probably. I mean, that the facts surrounding what you wrote being wrong is cool...and stuff. Anyway...

sport (spĂ´rt, sprt) n.
    1. Physical activity that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often engaged in competitively.
    2. A particular form of this activity.
  1. An activity involving physical exertion and skill that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often undertaken competitively.
news (nz, nyz) pl.n. (used with a sing. verb)
    1. Information about recent events or happenings, especially as reported by newspapers, periodicals, radio, or television.
    2. A presentation of such information, as in a newspaper or on a newscast.
Okay, so I guess it sort of technically qualifies, as sports news. Maybe. Sport? Well, I guess that it involves two guys that play a sport at a high level? Sports news? Tenuous justification at best.

Does anyone else out there recognize that ESPN is killing sports in America?

2 comments:

SonDog said...

Terrell Owens/Donovan McNabb, Terrell Owens/Donovan McNabb, Terrell Owens/Donovan McNabb, Terrell Owens/Donovan McNabb, Terrell Owens/Donovan McNabb, Terrell Owens/Donovan McNabb, Terrell Owens/Donovan McNabb.

It's a story in the same way a soap opera qualifies as a television show. Loosly. Some people get off on that stuff. Here'e another one we've heard:

Kobe Bryant/Shaquille O'Neal: Will they shake hands in their rematch?

Dumb.

bh said...

OH MY GOD!! DID YOU SEE THE WAY SHAQ WOULDN'T LOOK AT KOBE WHEN THEY HUGGED?!! Clearly, this is a shot across the bow of the USS Bryant by Shaq.