Tuesday, November 28, 2006

A Vast Expanse (or two)

by SonDog

May I be the first (on this site) to welcome Britney Spears back to Slutville. Brit, we missed you.
Since dumping K-Fed, she's not only hanging out with Paris Hilton, but she's also taking her pants off in public... with Paris Hilton. Somehow, this makes all the sense in the world. Everything is right again with all that is holy... and unholy... and big-holey. How long is it going to be before they have an official "Whore-off" competition (thank you South Park) on the dance floor at Ghost Bar in Vegas. I'm putting the over/under at 7 days. Bets?

The co-mayors of Slutville

At some point in the last two weeks, Spears reached the proverbial, "Fuck it. I'm going to slut myself out like the good old days" stage. Not only that, but Spears and Hilton are suddenly inseperable (On second thought, I guess that makes perfect sense). In fact, they are so close that Hilton even provides a helping hand with Spears's kids.

Personally, I wouldn't let Hilton within 25 feet of my son. I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase, "I wouldn't touch her with your peeder." What you may not know is that the aforementioned phrase originated during a conversation about Paris Hilton between two dudes drinking beer. At any rate, there is a strong chance that Sean Preston Spears now has crabs.

Run child! Ruuuuun!

16 comments:

C-lo said...

Ha! I had no idea. This is what I get for not reading those trashy mags. Thanks for keeping me abreast (hu-hu, she said breast).

SonDog said...

yuuuuum... breast... yuuuuuuuuum.

Speaking of which, it looks like Brit is smuggling in a pair illegal aliens in her blouse. Sweet mother of mercy.

Anonymous said...

I love Paris. I'm the guy at the bar that would go to no ends to be able to shoot my load anywhere and all over that cheap bitch. The next morning we'd getta Jamba juice and go shop.

Britaney on the other hand, I would bang, but it'd wouldn't be the skanky lust that I love. I then leave early in the morning before I see her in the light of day.

DMo

DMo said...

Sondog, is there a way I can comment without signing in and doing some word jamble. I can't remember inate details of this sort.

bh said...

I'm totally buying the rumored Brit/K-Fed sex tape if it comes out, though reports have surfaced that it doesn't exist.

OZ said...

Do you have whore-dar or something that triggers when a relationship like this develops? How do you know this stuff?

bh said...

The slang is 'ho-dar'

SonDog said...

DMo - I can't understand how you're not just irresistable to women. You stay classy, San Diego. And just live with the word jumble.

BH - I'm buying it too. It's another reason why hanging out with Paris Hilton makes so much sense. If you're a celebrity and your career has hit the skids, all you have to do is release a sex tape. Think of what that did for the "career" of Paris Hilton. Brit is getting advice right now on how to best release it.

OZ - I came across it on CNN, of all places. Seriously. From there, I did a little "research" for "photos" and now I'm all in baby!

bh said...

DMo tried that "shoot my load anywhere and all over" thing with a woman (soooooo hot) on Friday night at the PR, but he, Ted and I ended up drunk in DMo's garage at 3 in the morning.

the butler said...

I think I would pay at least $99.99 for a pay-per view Celebrity Slutamania-

Spears vs. Hillary Duff in a Submission-Only, "Last Slut Standing" match

Lindsey Lohan vs. Jessica Simpson in a Steel Cage Showdown

Paris Hilton vs. Nicole Ritchie in a Retirement Match, loser has to stop being a slut forever and never appear in one of those shitty magazines again.

DMo said...

I may have ended up high in my garage(puked soon after), but I did get the # of one of the hottest chics in the bar:) That smiley was for you Son. And yes, I do put the ass in class.

bh said...

Dude, she was the hottest chick at the bar.

SonDog said...

With respect, if it was Red Bluff, I'm betting she was the "only" hot chick in the bar. And the word "hot" in this case is relative to the location.

bh said...

That makes total sense, Sondog. It was like, when she walked in, a light shone down from Heaven. Until then, it was all dogs. They're all dogs out here. She probably didn't even come from RB. I'm betting she was from Vail.

SonDog said...

I doubt she was from here. The Butler has a "Automatic 2.5" theory when it comes to women in Vail. Upon moving to Vail, women receive an automatic 2.5. That is to say, on a scale of 1-10, if a woman is a 5.5 in Denver, she is an 8.0 in Vail. I think this scale is applicable in Vail and RB. My biggest joy in going out in a city (other than Detroit) is the level of female beauty. It's like going from the National Basketball Developmental League to the NBA.

bh said...

Fuck, Vail, at least when I was there, was totally a sellers market for women, in that there were 8 guys per 1 woman. Nacen and I went crazy for two Dutch girls who may have been 3's (On a 5 scale) somewhere else.