Monday, March 06, 2006

The Indispensables - Part II

by SonDog

If you are A) male and B) not gay (not that there is anything wrong with that), I trust you saw Kiera Knightley last night at the Oscars. Knightley was sitting directly to the left of Jack Nicholson. It seems that hearing me say, "I'd like to Kiera her Knightly," got old for my wife after about the fifth time I mentioned it, but I don't know if that is why Lese left the room... er, wait (My retort of, "But at least she's English!" flew over like a lead balloon). This has absolutely nothing to do with the story below, but I could not go a day without mentioning this. It's officially a tie between Jessica Alba and Kiera Knightley in my book. Officially.

In the immortal words of Ron Burgundy, "I... I want to be on you."

On to Part II of The Indispensables -- A countdown from the least valuable to the most valuable player on the 2006 San Francisco Giants' roster :

#17 Pedro Feliz (Third Base) -- Apparently, determining the age of the Latin American ballplayer is like trying to find the cure for cancer AND changing the empty toilet paper roll, wrapped into one task. In other words, it's damned near impossible. Seriously, why is this so hard to figure out!? The Oakland A's had another player this year (Jario Garcia, who now goes by the age of Santiago Casilla) who is 26 rather than 21. Thus, he's no longer viewed as a strong "prospect" due to the age "adjustment." This leads me to Pedro Feliz, who two years ago magically added three years to his previously assumed age. At this point, the Giants know what they are going to get from Feliz (20 HR, 80 RBI, .250 Avg.). Not to sound like Jay Bilas during the NBA draft, but no longer is there much of an "upside." Now at 31-years-old (in April), Feliz can't afford a drop in production. He will bat sixth or seventh in the lineup.

#16 Ray Durham (Second Base) -- In the Good News! department, Ray Durham hasn't pulled anything in his legs yet. In the Don't Even Think This Won't Happen At Some Point department, Durham is a mortal lock to pull something. He will probably bat third in the lineup in front of some guy named Bonds. If he can stay healthy, Durham can have a monster year and help the Giants' lineup in many ways. However, considering that his legs have all the durability of a pair of balsa wood ski poles, it probably is unrealistic to expect more than 125 games.

#15 Lance Niekro (First Base) -- First of all, he might be my favorite hitter on the Giants not named Bonds. Second, he's the heir apparent to J.T. Snow, a San Francisco favorite. There's been a lot of talk that Niekro has to prove himself after last year's "horrible" second half, but nobody seems to mention that the guy hardly played in the second half. Snow received the lions-share of time at first, with Niekro receiving pinch-hit opportunities here and there. In his first year in the majors, in limited pinch hitting duties... OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO STRUGGLE!! I really hope he has a huge year.

#14 Steve Finley (Backup Outfielder) -- During a business trip to Denver last week, I found myself watching an episode of Boston Legal. What captured my attention in particular was a scene that found William Shattner, Corben Bernsen and Candice Bergen in the same boardroom. Can you imagine the fake-dialogue you can create using a room filled with Captain Kirk, Murphy Brown and Roger Dorn? I mean, that's a commercial for Depends waiting to happen. Where are the Oops, I Crapped my Pants guys when you need them? In addition, all are solid actors, but all are so old that you fear you're going to be witness to a stroke. Anyways, it's exactly the same scenario you will find in the Giants' outfield when Bonds (42 this summer), Moises Alou (40 this summer) and Finley (41 next week) are in the lineup together. A broken hip can happen at any moment with this trio. That being said, Finley will be very important to the team as the fourth outfielder, especially if/when Bonds or/and Alou go down with an injury.

Reverse negative pict. of Bonds, Finley and Alou in a Spring Training game

#13 Jack Taschner (Lefty Relief Specialist) -- You may have noticed that I haven't mentioned many pitchers yet. That's partially due to my belief that pitching and defense will define this season for San Francisco. The bullpen has the potential to be very, very good for the Giants, and Taschner should be the left-handed anchor. He proved at the end of last season that he can get both lefties and righties out consistently, and his overall stuff is better than any other lefty on the roster. Though he's still pretty young, I believe he will take over the lefty specialist role that Scott Eyre filled last season. However, that is wholly dependent on manager Felipe Alou having faith in his young pitchers out of the 'pen.

#12 Scott Munter (RH Relief) -- Take everything I just said about Taschner and the bullpen, make it right handed, and you have my synopsis on Munter. He's solid.

#11 Tim Worrell (RH Setup) -- GM Brian Sabean must know something that I don't about Worrell. The team is putting a lot of faith in a 38-year-old reliever that bailed on his teammates in Philadelphia last year. Again, the bullpen will be imperative to this team's success, and a lot will be riding on the right arm of Worrell.

#10 Omar Vizquel -- I started to write about how well Vizquel played last year. I wrote about his well deserved Gold Glove award. I wrote about how he's a really good #2 hitter in the lineup. And yada yada yada. Then I got to his age (39 in April).

Through the first 16 players in this review, there has been one constant thread... these guys are freakin' old in baseball age. We haven't even talked about a couple of the oldest guys yet. The more I write about this team, the more I believe two things: 1) They have the potential to easily win the NL West (that's the first time I've said that in years) and 2) They HAVE TO win it this year. Replace the Gatorade with Geritol, install MRI machines in McCovey Cove, air 24-hour marathons of Jeopardy! on KTVU Fox 2, I don't care. Just keep these guys healthy for this season. If the health is maintained, we'll be cheering them on come October.

Vizquel, Alou, Finley, Worrell, Fassero, Durham and Vizcaino in their rookie year of 1912

Coming Next: #9 through #2

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is the same as what was said last year. We said, "These guys are ancient, but if they stay healthy they can really be good." I think the starting lineup missed a total of 5,236 games last year, so I'm not putting much faith in the whole staying healthy bit. Baseball is grueling and these guys are old, that means missed games.

Anonymous said...

Last year's team had the oldest starting outfield age in the history of the game. That's not a joke.

This year's team will eclipse the record set last year when Finley is in the lineup. That, as well, is not a joke, although it is in many ways hilarious.

DMo said...

The Giants are the best. Who cares if they're old. Alou is senial anyway so fuck it. As long as he rotates guys like pitchers we'll be fine. Did I mention Bonds. He's the best.

Anonymous said...

Is nobody going to say anything about Kiera Knightley? C'mon, DMo!! I expect so much more.

DMo said...

Yeah man, she's hot. What do you want a fucking cookie? I don't need to see shit like that. Seeing women like that just makes me want to settle down and be all sappy and shit. And it surely doesn't help motivate me to get laid. Hell, why would I waste my time with an average looking ho when there are girls like that out there. Thanks Sonny. Thanks a lot. Kiera, I looovvee yoouuuu!!!

Anonymous said...

She will be mine one day. Oh yes, she will be mine. Plus, she's only 20, so she's got another good 15-20 years of good looks in her.

DMo said...

15-20!!?? Dude, two words... Heather Locklear. She's like 46 and is still the best looking woman on this planet. Yes I know, that's a bold statement. But adding all things up, age, sex appeal, boobs, teeth, etc. She's the best. I stare longingly out my window of hopes to see her walk by one day so we can fall madly in love. Then we'd marry and live happily ever after. I'd teach her 20 yr old son how to improve his swing and base running skills as well as have Richie send me some guitar riffs for my ipod. Wow, I have a lot of time on my hands. Heather, I loooovvvee yyooouuuu!!!

Anonymous said...

dmo and Sonny - 3 words Vanity Fair Cover. I'm a heterosexual woman and evenI had impure thoughts about her and her rockin abs in that picture

DMo said...

Hmmm sounds interesting...I'll have to take a look. How are your abs?:)

Breaking News, This just in:
Barry Bonds did Steroids!!!

Whoa, I'm absolutely blown right now.

Anonymous said...

My abs are fantastic, thank you for asking. SonDog is well-versed in my sit up obsession.

You must see the photo - breathtaking. Available at a newstand near you.

Anonymous said...

The cover is actually in my office. A co-worker cut her out and gave it to me... similar to something anonymous did for me back in the day.

And yes, anonymous's abs are quite spectacular. You need a name acronym, KG.

DMo said...

Kevin Garnett works in your office!! That's sweet!! Dude, get me an autograph!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous isn't somebody from my office.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Kerstiens. I know, I tried to acronym myself and it didn't work. Technology and I aren't always friends.