Thursday, March 02, 2006

The Indispensables -- Part 1

by SonDog

First of all, ESPN's Buster Olney stole my idea. That pin-headed bastard (What? Too much? Too strong?) posted a blog yesterday about the most indispensable players in baseball for 2006. Naturally, Barry Bonds is at the top of the list. With that said, for the last five days I've been working on the San Francisco Giants' list of indispensables, counting down from 25 to 1.

What I'm getting at is that if you, my loyal reader, try to say or even hint that I ripped this concept off of Olney's column, I'll have to give you a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the head. I don't know how he did it, but that Yankee-lover Olney managed to find out about my idea and pawn it off as his own. I will never forgive him for this sin.

And in no way am I trying to be overly melodramatic. Er... wait. (P.S. Buster, if you are reading this, I would love a good reference at ESPN.com. Insert smiley-face text here.) Burn in hell!!

On to part one of the list, from the last man on the projected 2006 Giants' roster to the first.

#25 Jason Ellison/Todd Linden/Dan Ortmeier (5th Outfielder): Not exactly a holy trinity, is it? One of these guys will make the team out of spring training (I'm putting my money on Ellison due to his speed). However, if Ellison continues to play like Jason Ellison, and Linden continues to play like Todd Linden, and Ortmeier continues to play like Dan Ortmeier, then all three could be in somebody else's farm system at some point this season. Fred Lewis and Nate Schierholtz are both high on the Giants' prospect list, and one of them could be the 5th outfielder by mid-season.

#24 Todd Greene (Backup Catcher): Greene is the odds-on favorite to win the backup catcher job. I have two words as to why this is a veritable lock: Yamid Haad. Remember how every time Haad came up last year you would mutter the words, "Automatic out?" Well, Haad and rookies Justin Knoedler and Eliezer Alfonzo are Greene's primary competitors at this point. That being said, the backup receiver position is Mr. Irrelevant in Giants' land as long as Mike Matheny is around.

The reason Todd Greene should feel secure: Yamid Haad

#23 Jeff Fassero (Long-Relief Pitcher): Is there a more un-inspiring sound as a Giants' fan than to hear an announcer say the words, "And on the mound for San Francisco is Jeff Fassero." First, it usually means the team is getting killed. Second, Fassero is 73-years-old. Third, he is basically playing the role of Eddie Harris from Major League. In fact, it would not surprise me in the least to see Fassero lean over to Pedro Feliz and say, "You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curve ball?" In fact, when Feliz comes over to Fassero on the mound, I bet money that Fassero finishes the conversation by saying, "Si, si Peeeedro."

Fassero is in the background, telling Corben Bernsen, "You know, you might want to think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior."

#22 Jose Vizcaino (Backup Infielder): Vizcaino is a typical Brian Sabean veteran buffet selection special. Like Fassero, Vizcaino is 73-years-old. I actually enjoyed watching Vizcaino play back in '97 during his first tour with the Giants. When he signed with the Dodgers after that season, I didn't mind because I thought he was over the hill. At this point, Vizcaino is no where even close to being in the same vicinity as the hill. In other words, pray for the health of Feliz, Omar Vizquel and Ray Durham (although Kevin Fransden will be ready at Fresno if/when Durham goes down with an invevitible injury).

#21 Steve Kline (Lefty Relief Specialist): Kline was a somewhat ballyhooed pick up this winter. He is billed as the replacement for last year's lefty specialist (who left to sign an absurd contract in Chicago), Scott Eyre. So, why would I rate a lefty specialist as so replaceable? Because there is nothing special about him. It will be decided early in the season that Jack Taschner is the best lefty in the Giants' bullpen. And for Kline? I'm not sold that he will be around by the all-star break.

#20 Tyler Walker (Right-handed Relief Pitcher): Walker saved some games last year, but the bullpen is arguably the Giants' deepest area this year. Walker, at this point, is trade bait. He will probably make the team out of spring training at the expense of one of the Giants' younger, stronger arms (i.e. Jeremy Accardo, Brian Wilson or Kevin Correia), but I see him as utterly expendable. I have nothing else to say here.

#19 Mark Sweeney (1b/OF Pinch-hitter Deluxe): Sweeney is the Giants' slimmer version of Lenny Harris. So far this spring, Sweeney is credited with lightening the mood in the Giants' once morgue-like clubhouse. Yippy skippy. We know he's a solid pinch hitter (17HR, 80RBI the last two years combined) and he plays a respectable first base. Sweeney will win a couple of games this year for San Francisco with his bat. However, if manager Felipe Alou needs him to start regularly at any point this season, they're in trouble. In his 10-year career, Sweeney has 35 homers. But, at least he's a hoot in the clubhouse.

#18 Brad Hennessey/Jamey Wright/Kevin Correia (5th Starter Candidates): The fifth-starter competition is kind of like the dollar menu at McDonalds. You're never going to get a five-star entree for a buck, but on the right day you could be very satisfied with your double cheeseburger or McFlurry. The smart-money is on Hennessey, but you get the sense that the Giants' brass really wants Wright to force the issue (In his first spring outing Thursday, Hennessey pitched three shutout innings.). Correia has been too inconsistent, and Wright has been the epitome of expendable throughout his career (I mean, the guy couldn't keep a job on COLORADO'S pitching staff where the only qualification is having a pulse.). Also, Hennessey has thrown too many 7-inning, 3-hit games in his brief career to be overlooked. I guess with that synopsis, I'll be very disappointed if Hennessey is not the fifth starter come opening day.

Coming next: #17 - 9

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

No doubt you're going with Hennessey due to the correlation of that name with alcohol. As for your #25 through #19, save Vizcaino, I think another Major league quote applies:

Who are these f***ing guys?

Anonymous said...

screw the giants and screw barry bonds.

DMo said...

BREAKING NEWS:

anonymous shot in the face by a crazed business man. Screw yourself anonymous

Anonymous said...

Uh oh OZ, you're on to me...

A wise man once said, "Anonymity is the role of scoundrel"

Roscoe Galt said...

So some douchebag reads your entire post, and comes up with that? While I appreciate the intricacies and attention to detail in anonymous's argument, I have to disagree with him or her that the Giants and Barry Bonds should be screwed. That idea is both an overwhelming and unpleasant one.

C-lo said...

As the newest Giants fan on the blog (due mostly to the fact that I will be hearing all of the games through Sondog's office wall and partly due to the fact that Mike Matheny plays for them...hottie) I appreciate the team rundown as I have to agree with oz and Major League on "Who are the f***ing guys?" I assume I will learn soon enough. When's that first game I have to listen to?

DMo said...

How do you get to hear all the games? I wanna hear them. Son I got you something way sweeeeettt!!! You need to buy me a Jamo to get it though. Hint, it has to do with baseball......

Roscoe Galt said...

DMo and Sondog should start a drinking game that is played every time Hennessey enters a game. Every ground ball out is a shot of Jamo or Hennessey. A strikeout is three shots. Every base hit against is a shot. Every run against is two shots. Each hit-free inning he puts up is two shots. However it works out you should be happy. For a few minutes.

C-lo- My wife had a thing for Robb Nen and J.T. for a while. I'm kind of certain that they were the only reasons I got her to go to or watch games. She too has expressed that Matheny is a "hottie."

Anonymous said...

C-lo: Game 2 of the Spring Training schedule is today at 1:05 MST... you will have the pleasure of hearing me exclaim things like, "Why the fuck is Angel Chavez at third base?" and "Jesus, Durham pulled his big toe again." My favorite spring training radio moment was two years ago when Brian McRae read one of my emailed questions over the air. He said he already liked me because he has a house in Beaver Creek. I tried stalking his house to meet him in person, but I got chased off by security. So, maybe I made the last part up, but he did read my question over the air! DMo, go to sfgiants.com. You can buy the entire season of radio over the internet for $15. There is baseball on in my office from today through October. People around my office feel like shooting me come May.

BH, that is one of the most brilliant things you've ever come up with. Brilliant, I tell you. DMo, we have to make this happen anytime Hennessey pitches on any night between Sunday and Saturday.

DMo said...

Yes, I believe I would be happy. Though now I'm worried that I may start lusting after Matheny when I start drinking. Barry, when did this happen to you? Should I not drink Jamo anymore?

C-Lo, you're aware that Bonds is the best looking man in MLB right? If you need to see good looking white guys in baseball uny's, just come keep score while Sondog and I latch down the left side of the infield while playing softball. SShhhiiiiiiiiittttt!!!

C-lo said...

d-mo...i've kept score for your's and sonny's games before. pretty sure the score was like 34-12. way to hold down that infield! also, did you just say that bonds is the best looking man in baseball? first, why are you commenting on his hotness? second, don't you think bonds' "bat and balls" have been altered due to the 'roids? i'm not cool with that. i'll stick with matheny...the hottie.
son-dog...i'm taking a split so i'll miss the game. next time.

DMo said...

Hey, I wasn't the one letting grounders go through my legs and making piss poor throws every inning. Sonny care to comment? We'll be solid come this spring. Shit I need to exercise.

As far as Bonds goes, have you not ever seen him swing the bat and watch the rocket he just sent flying into space? It's fucking beautiful. He could look like Whoopi Goldberg with pimples of Bill Murray and still look good.

Does anyone want to hit the tap room at 1pm for drinks, uh, I mean lunch? A couple Jamo's in the sun sounds so nice.

Anonymous said...

I'll take full responsibility for that game as I had the fielding accumen of a cross-eyed midget with a bad case of vertigo. However, that doesn't take away from the fact that it's the best place to see two good looking white guys in baseball uny's.

I really didn't need to think about Bonds' "bat and balls" today. The picture on my wall of him dressed in drag is enough for me.

Anonymous said...

Dude, lunch at the tappy tap sounds good. I won't be able to sip on any jamos, but I'm down for some grub.

DMo said...

Cool man, I'll bring your gift. It's chilling behind my desk right now. I'm getting free lunch here so I'm all about the booze. C'mon you can have one!!

DMo said...

Hey, let's make it 1:15. I don't want to feel like I need to be productive when I get back.

Anonymous said...

Cool. I just decided I'm taking the afternoon off. Let's make it 1:30 and I'll be there.

BH, come up with the rules for this game. Seriously, it's brilliant.

DMo said...

Perfect. Poke your nose in and get me. Or I guess call when you are five minutes away. Either way I'm getting drunk in the sun. Work is gay.

Anonymous said...

DMo: Class, professionalism, dedication personified.

I'll get the first round.

Roscoe Galt said...

I think the rules need to be far more in depth than what I gave you. I'll have to think about the rules. Maybe we can post official game rules one of these days.

Since Bonds got big and lost the mustache, he's been looking good. I agree with the assessment that he's the best looking guy in baseball. In the mid 90's he looked like a porno-ed out Kendall Gil. Now...pff. Well, you all saw the outfit.

Anonymous said...

The only bitch about it will be if Jamey Wright wins the job. However, if Hennessey wins, these rules will be posted on every Giants' message board in the greater United States and Canada.

Roscoe Galt said...

I figure even if Hennesey doesn't make the rotation, maybe he'll be a long guy out of the bullpen.

C-lo said...

hey sondog...remember when you said you wanted a theme song to play when you walked into the office daily? i got one today...when i walked back into work the homie in the bar was playing sweet caroline. that's as close as i'll come to my stadium entrance i'm pretty sure.

Anonymous said...

Quality stadium entrance selection for you. Quality.

For myself, unless we can get that tone-deaf numbnuts with the pony tail who "entertains" at the bar to play a little acoustic Linkin Park, I'm pretty sure I will never get the arrival thrill you had the pleasure of experiencing today .