Monday, October 01, 2007

So here's what I know

The Niners' offense sucks butt. I was at my first game since 1991, ready for an Alex Smith aerial (cough) show, when he left after the game's third play. In comes the NFL's premier game manager, Trent Dilfer. "This isn't so bad," I thought. "Maybe this is what the team needs to get the offense really running well." Turns out Dilfer lead the Niners to the worst performance of the Mike Nolan era. They looked unorganized and confused, as though Dennis Erickson were still patrolling the sideline. The offensive line, a huge, if not the main, strength last season, was terrible. It was so bad, Niner fans started bragging to Hawk fans about their five Super Bowl rings in the middle of the third quarter. Guh. The nice thing was Patrick Willis and the defense. They were on the field so often that we were able to watch the best young linebacker in football do his thing, along with Nate Clements. Defense is not the problem. It's calling out-route after out-route when Dilfer can't get the ball there on time. Frank Gore is not the problem. Anyone at the game, Niner or Hawk fan, could tell why Gore is the best running back in the NFC. He is playing behind a shitty o-line, but finishes every play. Shaun Alexander prances out of bounds, while Gore knocks the crap out of defenders. The offensive play calling and blocking schemes are the real problems. Oh God! Where is Norv Turner?! Oh, right. Woops.

Despite the hyperbolic, 'THIS IS THE GREATEST COLLAPSE EVER!!' from national media wonks, the Mets' fall from 7 up with 17 to play is totally enjoyable. Even more exciting is that the anti-Mets, your Colorado Rockies are still alive. What? They still play in Denver? I thought baseball only existed in the east. There's an NL West now? Two NL West teams are going to be in? What?!

Aaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha!!

So, the Amazins are out, which means Jose Reyes is out. A-fucking-men. Thank God we are saved from the uber-hyper Reyes' antics throughout the postseason. The high-stepping, the fist-pumps, the pointing at the sky after every, single, anything...

I get it. You play in New York where they think it's charming to be obnoxious and flamboyant. Unless you lose. Don't you feel silly now for all the things you do that show up other players? Hopefully. That would be awesome. Thankfully we don't have to watch the cutaways of rehearsed handshakes from Pedro and some flavor-of-the-month. Thankfully, we get to watch a group of guys who play ball like it was meant to be played, like gentlemen. Either the Rocks or the Pads. See, out here we, fans and players - aside from one huge guy in SF, and one blue team in LA - recognize that the game is bigger than we are. We're embarassed when one of our pitchers does something silly after a save or a strikeout which, aside from sucking, is why we didn't really like Armando. We don't go for the fist-pumps. We go for handshakes.

Oh, and LSU jumping USC in the AP poll is a joke. Never has it been so evident that voters are boobs, mostly looking at scores rather than content. Les Miles, alluding to voters' dumbassity, said, "They kind of slept in and got kind of caught up on the score later in the day." Nope, Washington isn't ranked, and USC was supposed to blow out the Huskies in Seattle. But UW beat Boise State and hung tough with Ohio State, before losing to UCLA. They are a good team. LSU sleepwalked through the first half of the Tulane game, even though the final score looked good. LSU didn't do anything that warranted taking the number one spot, especially against a team who's only win came against SE Louisianna St., and who's schedule includes blowout losses to Houston and Mississippi St. At least the Coaches Poll still has USC #1, by quite a bit actually. At least Cal is up to #3.


Anonymous said...

Nice post BH. I'm glad Oregon didn't drop too far either. Let's go Big Green!!


SonDog said...

Awesome post. Sums up just about everything.

And even though I'm a die-hard Giants fan, I feel totally okay to be rooting for the Rockies in the playoffs. Watching their comeback was the most enjoyable non-Giants baseball related event ever. Go Rox!!!

Anonymous said...

Yep, yep. I'm all about the Rocks right now even though I think Hurdle is an assface and Holliday is a princess bitch. Hate those fuckers but damn it's fun to watch. "I've got a fever, and the only prescription is post-season baseball." Yeah, the whole cow bell thing isn't doing it for me right now.