I Get to Write About Baseball, Sort of

posted by BH

I'm on my way out the door, heading for Reno for the night. I thought I'd leave some thoughts on Gene Wojiechowski's latest flub. In it, he writes that Barry Bonds should just go away, for the good of the rest of us. It only makes sense since Bonds' playing for the Giants is truly making my back ache.

Bonds told USA Today on Sunday that he will retire at season's end, which must be why the birds are chirping a little louder, the sun is shining a little brighter, and the beer on tap tastes a little colder. This is like the Wicked Witch of the West throwing a bucket of water on herself.
Wow, Bonds has that much impact on your outlook on life? You know he plays baseball in San Francisco right? You're in Bristol? Bonds must really be a bad guy if he can affect the very nature of birds and beer.

"But I can still hit," the seven-time National League MVP said. "I can rake. I can hit a baseball."
He also can still whine, still pontificate, still act as if he'll be missed. He won't be.
I'll miss seeing his bombs. I'm kind of a fan of seeing great baseball, you know, kind of what Bonds provides. The words, eh. I won't miss that part, but let's not be confused Dr. Green. He is a good baseball player. You won't miss the chance to see something unbelieveable every time the guy steps to the plate? Like it or not, no other player creates the buzz Bonds does when he steps into the batter's box. I have a feeling lots of people will miss that buzz.

Bonds might not be beloved, which is no prerequisite for greatness, but his numbers produce jaw drops. He has eight 40-plus-home run seasons, including the record-breaking 73 homers in 2001. Along the way he has alienated fans, managers and teammates alike. He is crustier than a baked pie.
But he can hit a baseball. You have to give him that. The problem is, the shadow of steroid allegations follows him around as if he's Punxsutawney Phil. In this case, Bonds gets six more months, not six weeks, of questions about "did he," or "didn't he."
He's good, but he's mean. I get it. You write about his greatness, but are willing to forgoe seeing it because you think the guy's a jerk. Are you a baseball fan? Or captain of the Self-Righteous Alliance of Eastern Connecticut?

Yes, we know about Bonds' alleged steroid use and I'm glad you brought it up since I'd almost forgotten. In leiu of any real evidence, you and many others who simply want some reason to hate and discredit the guy keep talking about it. Now, MLB has a drug policy in place. A drug policy Bonds must adhere to if he's going to play baseball this season. What if he hits a home run every 7+ at-bats the way he did at the end of last season? Are you still going to talk about steroids?

"I'm clean, I've always been clean," Bonds told USA Today.

Yes, absolutely clean, except for the times he unknowingly used two designer steroid substances obtained from his trainer, who just happened to be convicted in the BALCO scandal. All this according to federal grand jury transcripts. Bonds has said he wasn't aware the substances were steroids.
All this according to illegally leaked federal grand jury transcripts. Sort of the steroids of journalism. If someone hadn't broken the law, you'd have nothing to put here.

Even if you believe Bonds -- and sorry, I don't -- he doesn't make it easy to root for him. If you're a San Francisco fan you root for his health (he lasted only 14 games in 2005), you root for that Haagen-Dazs-sweet swing of his, and you root for him to lead the Giants to the franchise's first World Series championship since 1954. But do you root for Bonds the person?
No, I root for any guy in a Giants uni, because I want the Giants to win. Is there a prerequisite that says a team must only be made up of good guys?

Frankly, I'm just tired of him. He said he didn't want to play in the upcoming World Baseball Classic because of the condition of his knees. One knee is without cartilage, which means bone on bone. Totally legitimate reason to skip the WBC.
Tired means you are low on energy. You've written quite a column here. Sort of like you're worked up about Bonds. Kind of the opposite of being tired.

But Bonds couldn't help himself. He trivialized the first-ever Classic, saying, "Come on, the World Cup isn't the Olympics. Who cares? Does it mean anything?"

Not in BarryWorld, it doesn't.
Actually, it doesn't count in the real world either.

My favorite Barry on Barry quote was this one: "I think that's been my only downfall in all of this. I never let people know me. I just wanted to do my job and get the [expletive] out."

Your loss, not ours, Barry. Of course, Bonds later backpedaled on his earlier comments, which figures.
Of course, since we all say absolutely concrete things every time we speak, never base what we say on our mood, and never change our minds. Curse him for his humanity. Doesn't he know that what he says has no real impact on my life?

As for getting out, the sooner the better works for me.
Dude, you just wrote a whole column about what Bonds has said or done. It seems like him giving you more things to write about would actually work for you.