by SonDog
---- First things first... I can officially see my child growing out of my wife's belly. It's a pretty cool experience for those of you who have not been witness to such a thing. While I keep having visions of the scene from the original Alien, (with my bald-headed child punching his way out of my wife's stomach just to say, "Wait... what?") the pregnancy is progressing very well and the baby is in fantastic condition at this point. In about five weeks we'll be able to see if it's going to be a SonDog or a little LeseDog. Lese is doing very well too, although her chronic fatigue is doing a number on my cholesterol and BMI as I've been indulging in McDonalds, Taco Bell, Burger King, Pizza Hut and Wendy's like a 19-year-old on a three-week-long marijuana binge. (Gratuitous disclaimer alert) Let me make one thing clear, however. I fully realize that this is my own fault and no fault of my wife's. I can at least sympathize with the fact that growing a human inside of one's own body takes a lot of work and can be a bit exhausting.
---- I'd talk about the Super Bowl and the great party that is always Super Bowl Sunday, but I can sum it up in about two sentences. I had a great time while drinking heavily, and I no longer have a hangover. The Seahawks were robbed by the biggest buffoons to ever officiate a game of such magnitude.
---- So, the NFL today announced the new Monday Night Football crew for next season. My initial response is to rip my ears off so I never have to listen to this Holy Trinity of numbnuts that ESPN decided to entrust with their prized possession.
1) Mike Tirico -- Here's a sample of what Tirico often brings to the booth: "Hi, I'm Mike Tirico. I really don't have anything interesting to say, so let me turn things over to my co-anchors."
2) Joe Theisman -- Oh, good God. Did they really?... No, wait... who?... Really? When asked for his response, Theismann replied with, "You think Joe Theismann doesn't want to be on Monday Night Football? You think Joe Theismann hasn't been dreaming about this ever since L.T. turned his leg into a piece of spaghetti on MNF years ago? You think Joe Theismann hasn't been sending bouquets of carnations and lilys to the league offices every day, sucking up as much as is humanly possible? Let me tell you something here, this is Joe Theismann's dream job."
3) Tony Kornheiser -- Kornheiser, of PTI fame, is notorious for one thing... yelling. My initial response to this selection is, what? It makes about as much sense as Margaret Cho in a beauty pageant. Kornheiser, naturally, was pleased as he said, "MICHAEL WILBON, I WANT TO YELL AT YOU SO LOUD THAT YOU'RE NO LONGER FAT. I KNOW THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, BUT RARELY DOES ANYTHING THAT I SAY MAKE ANY SENSE. GIBBERISH, GIBBERISH, GIBBERISH, GIBBERISH. IF YOU THINK DENNIS MILLER WAS BAD, WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE ME IN ACTION ON MONDAY NIGHTS!!!"
So, all told, we have one guy who doesn't contribute anything (Tirico), one guy who likes to yell at the top of his lungs (Kornheiser), and one guy who will shatter the record for most times people at home turn to someone in the room and ask, "What the hell did he just say?" during a single season (Theismann). Way to go ESPN and NFL. We knew you could do it.
---- Dennis Erickson is expected to be named the new head coach at the University of Idaho today. As a 49er fan, it seems fitting that arguably the worst coach in franchise history has to go to Idaho to find a job. No word on whether or not former GM Terry Donahue is in line to be the new Athletic Director at the University of North Dakota. Somehow, this all makes sense.
---- Pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training in less than a week. I've had some serious movements in my pants recently because of this fact. T minus 5 weeks until my annual trip to Arizona for the Cactus League. As we get closer to Opening Day, BH and I will have to do a joint story about the time last year where Huston Street was buying BH, myself, and some of our buddies shots of Patron in the VIP section at a Scottsdale nightclub.
I have no insecurities about my manhood when I say that I love this guy.
Two things about that night: 1) BH was in rare, rare form. It was one of the smoothest and most memorable moments in the history of our friendship. Seriously, he was absolutely on fire that night. To witness BH gracefully, yet drunkenly, roll up on A's pitcher Joe Blanton and say, "So, tell me about Rich Harden," was something that would make Peter Gammons have an epileptic seizure. Nick Swisher was also in the area, doing his best impersonation of a rap video with seven or eight young, scantily clad admirers. 2) Huston Street was one of the coolest celebrities I've ever met. We've got a great story about the cell-phone picture of the cocktail waitress that was serving us the shots, but that's for another time. Regardless, we would like to think that those shots in Scottsdale were the main reason behind Street's run to AL Rookie of the Year.
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3 comments:
I had forgotten that, in fact, I was in rare form, and heard it from Hasler and Colby the next day. As if Joe Blanton hadn't heard enough about Rich Harden.
More details about the party please! How could you forget the house boy?
Oh, I remember the house boy. While I still have no idea what he said, at any point (I found myself simply nodding in agreement whenever he was talking to me), I will never forget how kind he was to pass out deep-fried shrimp all night long. Cheers, Reed, for hiring a house boy for your Super Bowl party.
BH, in as many words, you basically said to Blanton, "Look, I read all about you in Moneyball, and quite frankly you bore me. So, tell me about your co-pitcher, Harden, who clearly is much better than you." It was brilliant, just brilliant, and quite possibly the ballsiest thing you've ever done in your life.
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