Mind of Kings Fans VII

by SonDog

The following is another email exchange between OZ and I, two die-hard Sacramento Kings fans. The team just lost to Washington at home and panic is beginning to set in with their record slipping to 35-36, currently the 8 seed in the Western Conference. They play Portland tonight with the hopes of getting back to their winning ways.

SonDog -- So, I can tell from the articles in the Bee that panic is once again setting in at Arco. Here's my favorite quote from Artest this morning, "It's good when the offense is initiated through me, not to put anybody else down," said Artest, who shot 4 of 18 for 12 points and is 10 for 50 from the field in his last three games. "But it's good when it's initiated because I get everybody involved. I'm able to free people up, create those double and triple teams. And even if I take a bad shot, I look at myself as if a Kobe (Bryant) or a Tim Duncan or a Michael Jordan taking a bad shot. You live with it."

I'm reminded of what Pacers CEO Donnie Walsh said, to paraphrase, "Ron is fine when the team is winning. When the team is losing, that's a different story."

OZ -- I'm trying to figure out a way that could have been taken out of context.........nope. Can't think of one.

But other than vastly overestimating his place in basketball history (MJ?! Really?!), he's not completely wrong. He does get everybody involved and he does create match-up difficulties for the other team. At this point, he could say, "I think I should throw it up like Kobe after a sexual assault trial" and I think I'd still be driving the Artest bandwagon.

SonDog -- I'm not blaming Artest at all, but it has become clear that this team is only as good as he plays. (But MJ and Duncan? Are you serious? Really? You're not going to say, "Just kidding," after that?) The other complimentary players are just that. Complimentary. After watching last night, they need Martin back. Wells is better off the bench. Right now it's like a mosh-pit in the paint with Wells, Shareef and Artest. Does Miller play for the Kings any more? Where the hell has he gone?

When Adelman put Jason Fart into the game in the second quarter last night, I said to LeseDog, "Well, that's it for this game. No way they win when he plays."

OZ -- Oh, well that makes perfect sense. The 4:57 that Hart played had a disastrous effect on the outcome of the game. You're an idiot.

Miller is a major liability right now. With the added defensive presence that Artest and subsequently Garcia and Martin are bringing to the perimeter, it makes the black hole of defense in the middle painfully obvious. KT can only do so much at 6'10" (on his tip toes and in high heels). Miller is the quintessential Adelman player. He creates worlds of problems on the offensive end for the other team, and let's just not bother worrying about the defensive end. But replacing him with a better player is next to impossible.

SonDog -- When Adelman has to go to Jason Hart, the game is over for all intents and purposes. I don't care it it's at the 10 minute mark in the first quarter. Why do you argue this? Do you think he is a "game altering presence?" If you were a man, I would punch you right in the nose.

I can't listen to Grant Napear and Old-Fart Reynolds anymore (that's two fart jokes, if you're scoring at home). I realize that I've said this 300 times, but they irritate the hell out of me. I want an announcer like Chick Hearn who just calls the game and doesn't feel like he has to add his two-cents to every single thing that happens. For example, after KT's second technical foul, Grant said, "That's just inexcusable right there (thanks, Coach Wooden). You know, I was watching that whole thing transpire (good for you, Jack) and as a player, you just can't do what Thomas did right there." What does "as a player" mean, Grant? Hey, I got an idea, why don't you shut the hell up. We all know KT screwed up, so shut your yapper.

OZ -- The Kings should be able to win in Arco against any non-championship contender any day of the week with one of the royal court dancers in the game for 5 minutes, let alone an actual player.

The Kings flagship station was giving away signed Reynolds Remembers books for a little while. I think they stopped after winners kept saying, "No thanks, you keep it. I'm all stocked up on toilet paper."

SonDog -- All that said, I think I want them to get the 8 seed. After watching the Suns flat-out destroy Denver the other night in Phoenix, I don't want any part of that team. San Antonio, on the other hand, has some issues (so says the guy whose team employs both Wells and Artest). Somebody needs to step on Duncan's foot so he sits for a couple of games, and then that series becomes winnable (so says the guy whose team loses back-to-back home games to Golden State and Washington - sans Arenas).

OZ -- I want them to get the 6 seed. 7th and 8th are death. Phoenix destroys you sans anybody but Nash and SA beats you bloody with or without the best player in the NBA. So, to quote the most quotable movie of all time, "We're screwed either way."

I'll be elated if they make the playoffs. I would call this year a success if they make the playoffs and get swept.

SonDog -- Well, they're not getting to 6, so why don't you just stop watching. At this point, I will be happy if they make the playoffs as well. But, if Artest keeps comparing himself to MJ and Kobe, I may have to take back my original promise of buying a #93 jersey if he takes them to the post-season. He lives on his own planet.

Denver can make a run this year. They'll match up with Phoenix in the second round, and they can beat the Suns if Amare isn't playing and Camby is healthy. Wait... Camby is never healthy... It'll be the Spurs and Suns again in the Western Finals.

OZ -- Wow. Don't go too far out on that limb there Knievel.

You need a #93 jersey. If for no other reason than to play into the persona of toughness that you so desperately desire. I'd think twice about messing with a guy if he was wearing an Artest jersey.

Ron-land is in Loomis, which is hilarious as the population of Loomis is LESS than 10k. He bought a 7000 sq.ft. house (modest considering his financial resources) on a 7-acre plot. He said that he's got to have the space.

I want this guy to be the face of the Kings for years. He contradicts himself almost as well as he plays basketball.

SonDog -- If I get an Artest jersey to go along with my shaved head, I may snap into an Artest persona just to scare the living hell out of my neighbors.

Loomis? I helped open a brand-new Raley's in Loomis during summer break after my freshman year of college. It makes sense that he would buy out there, if only because it makes no sense at all.

I'm telling you, Denver can take Phoenix. Sure, they man-handled the Nugs the other night in Phoenix, but Denver is tough to beat at home too. It will be a 7-game thriller... if Camby is healthy.

OZ -- How does it feel to live in a world completely void of fact and common sense? Denver has about as much chance against the Suns as the Vista Vikings 7th grade girls team, with Camby. The only way Nash loses to the Thuggets is if he doesn't play.

That being said, did you see the pair of goose eggs they laid the other night?

SonDog -- Yup. Phoenix is beatable. Amare should sit out the rest of the year. I hate to say I predicted he wouldn't be healthy, but I predicted it. At this point, they're going to have to start having guys freebase on cocaine before making a decision to have microfracture surgery.

Denver can win. When Ruben Patterson is your starting shooting guard, anything is possible. Like abusing your babysitter. Or telling the world that you can shut down Kobe. Wait...