Wojciechowski: New Thinker

posted by BH

This comes from Gene Wojciechowski's new column on ESPN.com. I'm trying to figure out whether this guy has always been a beligerent, mimicing, unreflective buffoon seemingly motivated to write only by hate, or if he recently changed his style so people like me would post his pieces and comment on them. I'm sorry it's so long, but ol' Gene is gold.

In the end, there is only one question that needs to be asked: Do you believe Barry Bonds, or the book?

Good question. Way to start the piece. Since you actually ask this at the beginning of your piece, I'm guessing you're trying to be dramatic. What did Bonds say that is or is not to be believed? That he never knowingly took steroids? Maybe you're staying ambiguous so you can shape a preposterous argument for him, making him look crazy.

If you believe Bonds, then you believe the third-leading home run hitter in the history of Major League Baseball is the victim of an unrelenting federal and media conspiracy designed to frame him for the use of performance-enhancing drugs.

Seriously, did he say that? Wow, he must have watched a lot of X-Files. Oh, wait. You're doing that thing where you shape a preposterous argument for him, making him look crazy. Well done. This does make Bonds sound crazy. For there to be a conspiracy against him, you'd have to have many people working to discredit him. For God's sake, you'd have to have someone leak secret, sworn Bonds testimony to a...oh. Well, you'd have to have guys dedicate several years to uncovering information about you with the intent to publish...oh. Well, at least you'd have to have hundred of guys all over the country take time to write netgative influential columns describing...damn.

If you believe the excerpts of "Game of Shadows," then you believe that Bonds and his mind-boggling, bloated numbers of 1998-2004 (he missed most of last season with an injury) are a fraud.

Well, sort of. I mean, he didn't actually take the ball, put it on the other side of the fence, and get credit for hitting a home run. He didn't actually possess a stopwatch that slowed down time in order to stop the ball right before his bat made contact, only to position it so that he could hit a bomb. And he kind of was facing guys who probably had, you know, the same advantages he did.

I believe the book. I think Bonds is -- or was -- a human Walgreens, a grotesque and insulting example of better baseball through chemistry. And I think he should slither away, joining Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Rafael Palmeiro in forced baseball exile.

I'm blown away. You want Bonds to go away? Wasn't that from your column like two weeks ago? If Bonds retains the choice to slither away if he desires, is it still forced?

Bonds is finished. He might play again, but there is only a chalk outline left around his integrity and home run totals. And the only way he gets into Cooperstown is if he spends the $14.50 for a Hall of Fame admission ticket.

Actually, he's getting into the Hall anyway. Probably for free.

Winstrol. Deca-Durabolin. Insulin. Testosterone decanoate. Human growth hormones. Norbolethone. Trenbolone. Clomid. These are the substances and steroids Bonds is alleged to have injected or ingested. They are the medicine cabinet of a cheater.

Unless there were no rules in Major League Baseball against using those items.

Clomid is prescribed to women for infertility. Trenbolone enhances the muscle tone of cattle. Deca-Durabolin is a medication used in the treatment of kidney failure-related amnesia. And yet, write "Game of Shadows" co-authors Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, Bonds did so with regularity and without remorse.

I don't doubt that they do, but how can these drugs help him hit a baseball? Fuck, I guess the only thing stopping me from a career in Major League Baseball was the ability to bare children and remember shit.

Why would he show remorse? Was it against the rules? He had just seen McGwire and Sosa celebrated while they were doped up. Yeah, I'd feel really bad too if I were on the verge of going from Hall of Famer to legend.

Bonds always has been a drama king. He was insufferable in high school, insufferable at Arizona State, and insufferable now. But his statistics didn't come with a personality rating. Love him or loathe him, you simply couldn't argue with his talent. He arrived at the big leagues as a prodigy, a lithe, five-tool player. He will leave as a cautionary tale, an asterisk wearing a San Francisco Giants uniform.

Yes. The cautionary tale goes something like this. Don't piss off writers. They are the ones who decide whether fans are going to like you or not. They decide whether fans are going to hear about the time you played on the floor of the Giants clubhouse with Todd Benzinger's newborn daughter, or the time you wouldn't grant Rick Riley an interview. Don't mess with the self righteous. If you give them anything by which to discredit you, unless you have kissed their asses, they will.

How can you not read the work of the two San Francisco Chronicle writers and not at least wonder if Bonds knew about the working end of a syringe. Either you're naïve or a member of the Bonds family.

Seriously, I don't know anyone who was thinking prior to yesterday that Bonds has been clean.

When asked Tuesday at the Giants' Scottsdale facility if he was aware of the contents of "Game of Shadows," Bonds told reporters, "Nope. I won't even look at it. For what? I won't even look at it. There's no need to."
Here's guessing the Feds will. So will the IRS. So will his ex-wife's divorce attorney.

So will Santa Claus and Jesus.

So will MLB commissioner Bud Selig, though he was conveniently in Milwaukee on Tuesday, despite Team USA making its World Baseball Classic debut here at Chase Field. An MLB spokesperson said Selig hadn't seen the book and had no comment regarding the book's allegations.

What is Selig going to say. "Uh, yeah. About that. We kind of sold our souls to steroids for a while. It was fun right? Now, I guess we are finding out that all that excitement we felt wasn't real. Don't forget. This isn't really entertainment."

Then again, what can Selig do other than secretly root that Fainaru-Wada and Williams got it right? In so many ways MLB, the owners and the Players Association share part of the blame for creating this situation. For years they were helpless -- or clueless -- when it came to addressing the issue of performance-enhancing drugs.

Yeah, no one knew steroids was an issue until two seasons ago.

Faced with a choice of remaining true to the game, or becoming what he once despised, Bonds allegedly chose home runs over ethics.

Seriously, captain morality, if you could take something that would make you the next Hemingway, I'm thinking you might just take it. If you knew you'd be talked about for generations after you're gone, you might think pretty hard about it right?

But even as his numbers increased almost exponentially, as kayak-gridlock became commonplace at McCovey's Cove, as the countdown to baseball immortality became more pronounced, there was always an uneasiness about Bonds' accomplishments. They didn't seem, for the lack of a better word, natural.

First of all, stupid ass, it's simply McCovey Cove. It's awesome when you try to gain credibility but instead shit your pants. Secondly, you're not psychic. We've all been talking about it since 2001.

Bonds has his defenders -- lot's of them, including Derrek Lee, the Chicago Cubs All-Star first baseman who is everything Bonds isn't: a player who handles himself with grace and dignity. Lee hadn't heard of the book excerpt until he was asked about it after Team USA's 2-0 victory against Mexico.
"What's the story?" he said. "I don't know the story."
It was explained: detailed allegations of performance-enhancing drug use by Bonds.
Lee dismissed the latest revelations. It wasn't a story, he said. Bonds has never been caught using steroids. Leave him alone.
"People have been alleging him forever," Lee said.

Grace and dignity. Two words often used to describe people who write columns about how bad another person is and can be. So, clearly you put some stock in Lee's caharacter. So maybe you will be influenced by what he says?

Lee believes Bonds. I don't, and never will.

Damn. So much for Derrek Lee's ability to judge character.

I don't believe in coincidences, or physical transformations so stark that you do a double-take. I don't believe the numbers of 2001.

You should. They actually happened.

The tragedy of it all is that Bonds didn't need the alleged chemical boost. His legacy was secure. His Hall of Fame plaque was a done deal. It didn't matter if we thought he was a jerk because his statistics were so overpowering. No longer.

It did matter. A lot of guys weren't going to vote for Bonds on the first ballot solely because they thought he was a jerk. Writers feelings about Bonds on a personal level is why he has seven MVP awards instead of eight.

In recent years, perception was reality when it came to Bonds and the subject of steroid use. But this latest excerpt, complete with his smarmy grand jury testimony, convinces me reality is reality when applied to Bonds.

This is a fantastic made-up statement. "Reality is reality" is bending my mind in ways you can't imagine.

Earlier Tuesday afternoon, about an hour or so before Team USA's game, Alex Rodriguez was asked about the death of Hall of Famer Kirby Puckett, who died a day earlier from complications stemming from a major stroke.
"One of the saddest days in baseball for me," said A-Rod.
I felt the same way Tuesday. This time it was the death of a reputation.
Barry Bonds, rest in peace.

"Death of a reputation?" Seems more like affirmation. Don't act like you ever rooted for this guy. Don't act like you're sad for baseball. You and your little friends are at home jerking off to the thought of the guy you collectively, finally, beat. A long time ago, you and others like you decided that covering baseball was not the important part of your job. Your job had become being the moralist saftey net for America. You decided that Derek Jeter was a good guy because he was nice to you. You decided that Barry Bonds was a bad guy because he wouldn't grant you interviews.