Sunday, January 08, 2006

More From Theimaguatrick

by BH

Hopefully, last night was the last time we will hear from the Sunday Night Football crew of Joe Theisman, Mike Patrick, and Paul Maguire, or Theimaguatrick. My love of making fun of these guys is less important than my love of hearing sane analysis over the course of a football game. If it was the last time we are going to hear the entity that is Theimaguatrick, they left with their usually stupifying coments and description over the course of last night's Redskins/Buccaneers game.

Patrick

After Clinton Portis is stopped on a 2nd down, "You get the feeling this is going to be a battle of wills."
Really? As opposed to a battle of souls? Or a battle of spirits? THIS IS MEANINGLESS CRAP!

"Brown waited a long time for the ball to come down (on a punt), then he paid the price." The idea that someone has, "paid the price," is used all the time by announcers, but doesn't make any sense. He paid the price for being a punt returner? Does a guy pay the price for his QB throwing high as he goes across the middle? It's just another one of those dumb things guys say when they're in love with their own voices.

"That's just the innovation of Jon Gruden. You find a way to get the ball to your playmakers." That is innovative. What a crazy concept. That's why the Niners kept losing this season. No innovation. They kept giving the ball to the guys who couldn't make plays. I don't even know what to make of this whole idea.

Theisman

"I think (the game's going to be decided by) how well the offensive line protects their quarterbacks, and how much pressure the defensive lines can get."
In other words, I think it's going to come down to the basics of football.


The greatest SI cover ever

After Redskins punt returner Antonio Brown dropped a punt, Theisman says,
"I'm going to make a prediction. Antonio Brown will not be back."
The next time the Bucs were forced to punt, Brown was the returner. Theisman, recognizing that he was wrong, said, "." Seriously, what the hell is the point of making such a prediction anyway?

In other observations from the past week, Erik Kuselias once again told listeners that a team was "completely devoid of talent." Evidently, Kuselias didn't get my last blog concerning this issue. Once again Erik, with a little word replacement, you said the team was "completely completely without talent." That alone is stupid. Plus, you're talking about the NFL. Obviously these guys are talented. Hasn't anyone told Kuselias that when you speak in hyperbole but think it's serious, you are an idiot?

3 comments:

shadrach78 said...

yeah, I tried to explain to my girlfriend why I dont like that trio, but she didnt understand that the commentary is soooo important. they should do basketball, cause I dont watch that sheeeit.

phil said...

not to fall in my own hyperbole, but Theimaguatrick is the worst thing that has ever happened to network television.

phil said...

also, I heard the worst radio broadcasters ever whilst tuning into the Bengals/Steelers mess. I didn't catch these fellows names; they were obviously local Cincinnati guys. They might have been zoo keepers, the way they were rooting for the Bengals to score. They also used to word "momentum" five times in the third quarter, including the phrase "almost all of the momentum" as in "the Steelers have almost all of the momentum." I nearly killed someone.