Sunday, January 01, 2006

The Third Ever Boofy

by BH

Tonight was the last ESPN broadcast of Sunday Night Football, and thus the last time we will see and hear Joe Theisman, Paul Maguire, and Mike Patrick in the same booth again. As I listened to the game, I was reminded of why these three men never being in the same booth again is a good thing. They are the most difficult broadcast team to listen to. Worse than Brenneman/Lyons. Worse than Buck/McCarver. Bad, bad, bad. Some Theimaguatrick gems over the course of the game:

They spent a few minutes telling us about how Rams coach Joe Vitt is a great guy. Really? Was he on the field? Cause, I'm watching a football game, not a personal endorsement video.

At one point, they decided to wash Pat Summerall's balls in the booth, seemingly forgetting that there was a football game on the field. The gushy love-fest between the three goobers and Summerall was so contrived and phony that I wanted to throw up.

Theisman pointed out that even with no playoff spot on the line, the Cowboys were playing hard football. This, Theisman said, "is typical Parcells." They do get paid right? For a sixteen game season?

When Keyshawn Johnson went in at the end of the first half in order to play defense on a Hail Mary, Theisman said, "This is the details of coaching by Bill Parcells." I'm a little confused. Is Parcells writing a book? If so, shouldn't the book be titled something along the lines of Obvious Shit You Do In Obvious Situations?

Finally, during a Terence Newman kickoff return, Patrick says, "Newman. He's a playmaker," as he's making a play. Way to add something to what I'm seeing. And I suppose that's my biggest problem with this broadcast team. They seem to be more interested in what comes out of each others mouths than they are with what's on the field. I have never gotten the impression that this team feels as though the game is more important than the broadcasters. They spent a good five game minutes saying their thank yous to everyone working on Sunday Night Football. To paraphrase Maguire, he said I know there's a football game going on here, but it's important we thank the people who work here. Crazy. What the three of them were saying was more important than the game. It was this lovey dovey mushy piece of crap about how they had all become great friends and blah blah blah. Unbearable. I mean it. I turned down the sound, hoping they would be done soon, but realizing this was going to continue for a while, I had to turn off the game. It's sad when a viewer has to turn off the game because the broadcasters are detracting from it. Theimaguatrick is this weeks recipient of the Boofy, not only for the team's sheer buffoonery tonight, but for years and years of self-congratulations, narcisism, and plain ol' Boofyness.

Theisman is going with Al Michaels to ESPN's coverage of Monday Night Football, which means BH will no longer be watching Monday Night Football. Theisman was perhaps the most amateur member of a second-rate broadcast team, yet has been promoted to the big time. It's a shame.


sondog said...

Agreed. Now I'll say it as if I was Paul Maguire: Now, look here. I want you to watch something here. Look, look, right here. Isn't it unbelievable how BH hits this story with such... look right here. I want you to watch this. BAM! He hits that story with such power! Did you see how quickly he hit that?

And I think you refering to yourself in third person exceeds me saying "dimes." Point for me.

bh said...

BH has no comment on referring to BH in the third person.