Mind of Kings Fans -- The Ron-Ron edition

by SonDog

The following is an email exchange between two die-hard Sacramento Kings fans -- myself (SonDog -- living in Vail) and Aaron (OZ -- living in Sacramento). The conversation comes after the much ballyhooed trade for knucklehead talent Ron Artest--

OZ -- The main concern around town is wondering whether or not Artest will still be in uniform come March 17th when Sac plays Indiana in Indy. He was coming to town to find open arms and an excited crowd. Now he will be arriving to hesitant hearts and skepticism.

SonDog -- Still, knowing Sacramento fans, the first time he A) hustles for a loose ball , B) gets a steal, or C) plays physical defense, the crowd will be cheering for him. Artest was interviewed on The Best Damn Sports Show last night and sounded very excited. Of course, he's psycho, so I don't know if that means anything. Regardless, he's saying all the right things over the last 12 hours. I read last night that his agent was the one who was trying to kill the deal because he was concerned Artest wouldn't get the endorsements in Sac that he could in LA. Um, Magoo, I don't think at this point Artest is going to get ANY endorsements, regardless of where he's at.

OZ -- So the two real scum that soured this whole experience are Jim Gray and Artest's agent. Nice. Two cling-ons that are both trying to further their careers off somebody else's talent. Meanwhile, the longest standing Kings player gets treated like yesterday's garbage and a player coming to town already has an uphill fight.

When I say I hate Jim Gray, it's not just because he's a disgrace to the name, it's because he is the "Enquirer" of television journalism. I swear he only came to the NBA because Access Hollywood turned him down. His constant affiliation with topics that have nothing to do with sports excludes him from being called a "sports journalist" in my book. The only reason he's even reporting on the trade is because the network finally made him drop the Kobe vs. Shaq drama he's been humping for over a year.

SonDog -- Yeah, Jim Gray is a waste of air. I'm surprised he had so many internal contacts however, so he could break the story. He needs to be drug out into the street and shot. Ever since the Pete Rose incident at the All-Star game, he seems hell-bent on restoring his career through breaking "exclusive" stories like, "Jermaine O'Neal just took a dump...And it smells. Pacers officials are mortified."

What I'm most excited about with the trade is the defensive craziness that Artest brings to the Kings. There's no doubting the fact that Sac got the better end of this deal, talent wise. It's just all the off-the court stuff (like jumping into the stands) that you have to be concerned with. As far as community activities, Vlade Divac he aint. There's no way Kobe scores 81 on the Kings now. I was legitimately worried about it before the trade.

OZ -- I think you hit it on the head a couple of years ago when you said he's trying to pull an Ahmad Rashad and ride the Shaq wave to fame.

(Two - hour delay)

OZ -- Are you even still there?

SonDog -- I've been in a lunch meeting with my biggest client. I could have excused myself to respond, but I thought that might be counter-productive since I A) get paid to work with my biggest client and B) don't get paid to do a blog.

Anywho, back to Artest, I can't wait for the first game against the Lakers. I really can't. If Kobe scores 20 first-half points, there's a good chance Artest rips the wires out of Shareef's mouth to strangle Kobe to death.

OZ -- He'll get to play Kobe 4 times a year now. That alone might keep him in Sac through the off-season. I'm drooling at the thought of somebody running by Bibby and getting creamed by Artest on one side and Bonzi on the other. Sacramento has never had a legitimately crazy person on their team since they've been good and now they have two. Jerry Reynolds doesn't count as crazy. He's senile. He doesn't count as on the team either.

SonDog -- The basketball world has been dying for these two to be paired. On the right, you have a guy who likes to assault fans when he's not making rap albums... on the left, you have a guy who was told he would be arrested if he got near the arena during the playoffs (seriously, I want to know what Bonzi did to make Fratello say that.). I mean, these guys are capable of great things. This is must-see TV everytime they're on the court with one another. Flat-out, these guys are certified crazies. Too bad Bonzi is suffering from the mother of all groin injuries at the moment.

OZ -- Speaking of which (the crazies, not the groin), our season tickets are so close (he said modestly) that I was trying to convince the partners they needed to have clients sign waivers that we're not responsible if they get beat-up by Artest. We'll be offering helmets as well.

SonDog -- The key is to take somebody you really don't like with you to the game and say, "Hey, I dare you to throw that beer at Artest. Seriously, it will be funny. Dare ya."

I just hope Bonzi and Artest don't go nuts and turn the team into the Jailblazers-South. Artest makes Rasheed look like a teddy bear by comparison. There's no telling what nonsense he and Bonzi can get into with one another. What are the chances that one of them tells Coach Carill to screw off, thereby causing Coachie to retire on the spot, citing, "I can't deal with these nut-jobs."

OZ -- The players share enough respect for Yoda that they'll leave him be, but Adelman is definitely in the "screw off" crosshairs.

Am I supposed to miss Peja? I feel bad about the way he was handled, but really I'm just happy he's gone. How did he fall so far out of favor so fast? Maybe I'll wear his jersey to work Saturday in memoriam.

SonDog -- Chris Webber, Vlade Divac, Peja Stojakovic, Mike Bibby... Those four guys were key to the great years. I say three of those jerseys will one day be in the rafters at the Las Vegas Palms Arena, and the one that won't will be #16. Look, the team traded Webber in order to hand the team over to Peja. The miscalculation was that he simply is not the a player that can lead his team. Simply can't. That's why people, in my opinion, didn't mind that he left. He failed when given the opportunity to be a star. In turn, I think it made people appreciate what Webber brought to the table. The fact that he failed, after basically saying he wanted to be "the man," is why people are not losing sleep over this. Plus, he kind of gave up on caring.

How in the world do they expect Adelman to "control" these knuckleheads? They need a coach like Byron Scott or Larry Brown. I heard that the first thing that Artest said to Adelman yesterday was, "Whatever."

OZ -- As I said before, I think Elston Turner has the player respect and attitude for this new team. Besides, he's bigger than Adelman so he stands a better chance of surviving an Artest attack.

SonDog -- I don't think he has it. At least not yet. Until he proves himself as a head coach, not just an assistant coach, he won't have the respect.

Remember when Latrell Sprewell was relevant in this discussion? When he choked P.J. Carlisimo? Whatever happened to that guy? I hope his family is eating still.

OZ -- How come P.J. doesn't get crap for settling as an assistant? Did Spree choke the head coaching desire out of him? On that note, how did San Antonio accumulate all the talent in the NBA?

I wonder what number Artest will take. There should be a lotto or a fan vote.

SonDog -- Speaking of numbers, I read that Kobe scored his 81 in his 666th game. I can't even come close to fabricating something like that.

I think the Spurs have the best announcers in the game too. They're just loaded. Greg Popovich is the most underrated head coach and executive in the NBA.

OZ -- Oh well, if they have the best announcers then there's no question they're the most loaded. No question. Announcers make all the difference to a team's win-loss record. Have I mentioned you're an idiot?

If that were the case, maybe the 2002 refereeing debacle could be attributed to Grant and Jerry instead of Stern. I'm fine with that.

SonDog -- Well, they sure make a difference when it comes to me enjoying the game. And if a team is good, and has good announcers, then, to refer to your question, yes, they have accumulated all the talent in the NBA. If you were a man, I would punch you right in the nose.

Can you believe the Kobe thing? How can you not be just shocked by that?

OZ -- What? That makes sense to me. The only thing that was weird about that game was the Lakers won.

SonDog -- What do you mean, what? He's the anti-christ!! That just confirms it!!

Day's over. I'm out like Peja.